Selfish man I've ever met. Double loss in my life, please help??

[cherylm1986]

Hello. I recently lost my dad very suddenly and my world has just stopped. I feel so numb, but am a spiritual person so I know he is still with me all the time. I am 26 and had met a seemingly lovely man, aged 24, on a dating site, which I giving one last shot. We met approx 6 weeks ago and had an instant mutual connection. He told me he hadn't had much hope of finding someone special from the site, but he thinks he had found it in me. Things were going so well and I thought I could have found 'the one'. I met all his friends and was about to meet his nan, who he is close to.

 

However, following my dads sudden passing, he told me I meant a lot to him and he would do anything I needed to help me through it. I appreciated it so much. I met up with him about 2 weeks ago (4 days after my dad), just to get out of the house for a while as he offered to give me company. I was obviously stressed, quiet and somewhat withdrawn but I was trying to be a little normal. He admitted a few weeks ago that he was having severe money problems and was finding it hard to feel upbeat. I tried my hardest to keep him smiling despite what was going on in my life during that first week. However, after meeting with him, he started to withdraw and wasn't himself. We met up a couple more times and it was ok, but noticed he was in his own world a bit more. He didn't ask how I was feeling or ask about my dad in general, so I knew the distance was growing for some reason. However, he had told me he had deleted his dating account because he was fed up of the email alerts.

 

Last week I had had enough of being pushed away, despite my own grieving. So I asked what was going on. He replied that he felt 'pissed off at the world' and everything was getting him down. This was not the person I had met before and I no longer felt important to him, as his own money issues seemed to take priority. I asked him if he was looking for someone else, and he replied he didn't know, but it wasn't me that's the problem and he isn't looking for anything, just 'needs to sort his life out'.

We agreed to end things and he apologised for being selfish (he has no idea to the extent!). A few days later he text me saying 'life is sooo ****, it's really getting me down'. I was angry and replied that he didn't care about how I was feeling, that he was selfish and money is not everything. He just replied 'ok take care'.

 

Last night I went onto my dating account on the site and noticed he had viewed my profile and was back online, very likely for an ego boost because of how rubbish his life apparently is! I decided to message him one last time and stated I did not understand his sudden change and thought he had found something - as we both had said just weeks before! I told him I did not know what he was looking for, but would have appreciated not being left high and dry. I then deleted my account as I have had enough heartbreak.

 

How in the world am I supposed to believe what any man says to me in future? How can I ever trust anyone when they just seem to run away at the first sign of sadness or trouble? It isn't the first time, but this one has broken my heart and now just looking for an ego boost online again. It's beyond comprehension and selfish to no end. Any help in how to go forwards?

[SapphireNoir10]

He obviously wasn't the right man. He sounds selfish and self centred. Better to find that out now than a few years down the line.

 

He used all the classic excuses of a man who isn't sure about the relationship and wants to find a way out.

 

You have seen the 'true' him and you should be glad you escaped. Not all men are like him. There are good ones out there. Everyone goes through many negative experiences before they reach a positive one.

 

Also I am very sorry for the loss of your father

[Angel Irulan]

The most ridiculous thing we can do in life is to complain to anyone else, besides maybe our parents about money woes. It always seems to backfire socially and not do anything to improve things!

 

He's having a bad time right now and so are you, and sometimes people in like moods gravitate to each other. But you don't need to date him. Let him talk to you if he wants. Don't chase.

 

And don't judge all men by what just happened! Does that even sound rational to you to do that? If it does, then PM me and let's chat.

Angel