Crunknasty Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 So my ex and I just hung out for the second time. We enjoyed each other's company and we shopped, at lunch, and went to a bar and had a few drinks. We have been texting back and forth for the past 2 weeks after about 2 months of NC. She broke up with me because of lost feelings and what not. I never cried or begged. After the night we broke up I immediately went NC. Our relationship was great until it ended. Both times we have hung out neither one of us has brought up much of the past and we havent talked about a reconciliation or what went wrong. I want to but I have been afraid because I dont want to push for this conversation. Should we just keep doing what we are doing, hanging out and talking every now and then, and let it go with the flow? Or should I just bring it up at some point? I'm really trying not to screw this up... Link to comment
wowor Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 Let things be natural between you both. A conversation about the past is inevitable, but don't force it. You will know when the time is right. Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 Did you guys make plans to see each other again? Taking it slow is good, but you don't wanna be friendzoned. Link to comment
Crunknasty Posted January 28, 2013 Author Share Posted January 28, 2013 Did you guys make plans to see each other again? Taking it slow is good, but you don't wanna be friendzoned. We haven't set a specific time or place but we did plan on hanging out again. It feels good to be back in touch but I'm just trying to make sure I don't push too much. Link to comment
derpyderpensen Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 How did you go about breaking no contact? How did u do it and when did u know u were both ready? Link to comment
Crunknasty Posted January 29, 2013 Author Share Posted January 29, 2013 How did you go about breaking no contact? How did u do it and when did u know u were both ready? I waited around 5 weeks. I didn't want to wait too long and I had no idea if she was ready. I wanted to wait until my exams were over with in case it backfired on me. I simply sent her a brief text of when I would be home and if she wanted to hang out. She responded almost immediately and accepted the invite to grab lunch. It was as simple as that. She is not one to reach out and I knew even though I was dumped I was going to have to make the first move. Link to comment
derpyderpensen Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 I waited around 5 weeks. I didn't want to wait too long and I had no idea if she was ready. I wanted to wait until my exams were over with in case it backfired on me. I simply sent her a brief text of when I would be home and if she wanted to hang out. She responded almost immediately and accepted the invite to grab lunch. It was as simple as that. She is not one to reach out and I knew even though I was dumped I was going to have to make the first move. Isnt that kind of risky jumping into grabbing lunch so soon? Wouldnt it be better to just start casually talking first before going with the invitation to catch up? Also, do you reccomend a month of NC at minimum? My ex gf sounds very similar to yours in the sense that she wont initiate the first move Link to comment
Crunknasty Posted January 30, 2013 Author Share Posted January 30, 2013 Isnt that kind of risky jumping into grabbing lunch so soon? Wouldnt it be better to just start casually talking first before going with the invitation to catch up? Also, do you reccomend a month of NC at minimum? My ex gf sounds very similar to yours in the sense that she wont initiate the first move It was a risk I was willing to take. If you dont try than you wont know. I think a month is plenty but it depends on the situation. I didn't know any of these rules about NC since I didn't know about his site until after the breakup. I did NC because I knew anything I would have said to her at the beginning of the break up would have sounded stupid and I probably would have looked like a little b***h. Going NC for me just felt right. I never told her that I was going to do it. Honestly I dont know why people think they should even mention "hey we cant talk for awhile." When you get dumped you might as well not exist. Thats how I saw it at least. I also felt at the time that it really wasnt my position to start calling or texting since this was all her choice. But like I said before, I know her. I knew that she wouldn't make the first move. And when I did, I didnt sound weak or anything. Ever since we had that first lunch we have been texting about every other day and just tonight she almost drove an hour and a half to hang out with me. We are becoming friends again and honestly I am having alot of fun with this and I know she is too. We still havent talked about the past yet. But I think ill just let it play out. I am hammered, hope this helps... Link to comment
Boomshine Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Did you guys make plans to see each other again? Taking it slow is good, but you don't wanna be friendzoned. I wouldn't consider that a worry so long as you're continuing to act attractive around your ex. If you keep things fun, interesting, and emotionally charged, you'll be a friend, yes, but you'll be a friend that she develops interest in again (potentially). It's the same thing I've been doing with my ex. We've hung out twice now, and we're planning our third, and she's showing more legitimate signs of interest in me over the past 10 days or so since breaking through NC than she has in a LOOONG time. It feels like a schoolyard crush once again. I think you're going at it great, Crunk. I never told her that I was going to do it. Honestly I dont know why people think they should even mention "hey we cant talk for awhile." I agree. They're going to KNOW that you're gone. Letting them know beforehand only gives them some sense of understanding as to why it's happening, and might make them more willing to go with it. And I'm in the boat that your ex getting a hold of you is good. Them showing these small signs of interest again is a good thing, and should be welcomed as opposed to closing the door behind you securely, unless moving on and forgetting about your SO entirely is what you truly want to do. We are becoming friends again and honestly I am having alot of fun with this and I know she is too. We still havent talked about the past yet. But I think ill just let it play out. Fun is your best friend in this phase. Everyone wants to have fun! It's why we go out with friends, whether to bars, clubs, concerts, movies, or whatever. And it's also one of the biggest factors in starting a relationship for most everyone out there. Just keep having fun, and let her fire get stoked naturally over time. Eventually, as long as you continue down the right path (which is the way you've been going!), she's going to hit a tipping point and decide she has to have you again, in whatever capacity that may be. Don't talk about the past until sometime after she brings up the topic of reconciliation. You guys need to be talking about getting back together before you talk about what went wrong before. If you owe her some sort of apology for something horrible you did, then you can give her that apology, but it needs to be an apology and nothing more. But I've also read your backstory, and know that it was loss of feelings, so you have nothing to worry about there. Keep going down the path you're going. Go out with her, and have fun. Be conversational and throw in a splash of flirtiness every now and again, just to establish your intent. Nothing major, but if you can turn something into some sort of innuendo without ACTUALLY referencing you two having been together (like dropping in a "Bow chicka bow wow" at something that could be interpreted as sexual or whatever), then do it! Especially if you notice after the first time or two that she seems to be responsive to it, like laughing, blushing, pushing you and saying "Stop it!" while chuckling, you know... Those flirty things girls do when you push their buttons just right. Keep doing all that until she plays the next card and pushes things a step forward. And she'll definitely play that next card as long as she doesn't have her defenses up. So you just keep being fun, don't make her get defensive, and wait for the pot to boil over a little bit. Link to comment
derpyderpensen Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Thanks Crunk, youve helped alot Link to comment
derpyderpensen Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 So you just jumped straight into the idea of lunch? Without talking before hand? Link to comment
Crunknasty Posted January 31, 2013 Author Share Posted January 31, 2013 So you just jumped straight into the idea of lunch? Without talking before hand? Well, I mentioned getting coffe and she ended up wanting to get lunch instead. But yea, we didn't talk before hand. Trust me, I was nervous when I sent the text. It really pissed me off that I was since all I was doing was sending a simple text. But im sure everyone on this forum can agree with me that reaching out is when you are the dumpee makes you nervous. You will think of all the worst things that can happen. Like she might not respond or she will be mean or she will respond and say no F off. Well for me she said yes and we had a great time. People on here will tell you to to keep the meeting brief and what not and that you should end it first like you have something to do. I on the other hand went with the flow and that took me to coffee after lunch, then up to the bar where she works for some drinks. Again everyone's situation is different but you wont know anything until you make a move. Or you can wait for her to reach out..... Link to comment
derpyderpensen Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Yeah thanks man you helped alot Link to comment
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