I don't understand what this girl is thinking

[davo1066]

I've been friends with a former workmate for about 3 months, although I secretly fancied her from the beginning and right from the start we were spending a lot of time together, we get on really well. Anyway, about 6 weeks ago I took the plunge and kissed her one night and it progressed and we've been sleeping together and hanging out together about 3 or 4 times a week and most of the weekends since then, we've left spare clothes at each others places and so on. We've even been away for a few romantic weekends together.

 

So far so good, but then I overhear her talking to a friend of a friend in this bar we were at and he asks, 'so, you're his girlfriend' and she goes 'no, no, we're just workmates' (he confirmed this to me later!).

 

Although I'm in my mid twenties I've not really met anyone I was this keen on before, have dated people but it's all been pretty casual on both sides. With this girl I really thought there was something more serious going on between us but now I've no idea - 'workmates' is a far cry from 'girlfriend' which is what I thought she was.... am pretty upset by all this and haven't seen her for a few days, it seems a waste not to see her again but what's the point if that's her attitude? Or am I just hopelessly out of date on what it means to be someone's girlfriend??

[TearsofaDragon20]

Well it seems that you are confused and it's something that could of been avoided. but heres a question: did you two make anything offical? if not then you cant get mad or upset at this. if you two didnt make it a couple then she's still a single girl. i know that you dont want to her this from me and i understand. but see it as that you didnt ask her if it was ok to be a couple. talk to her about it and see where she comes from. if she wants to be a couple then cool more the power to you. if not and she wants to hit the single scene then dont get mad or upset, just live on and see other women. it may not be that easy but just get out and scope out the others out there. that you can thank my mom for. thats waht she told me since i was broken up with me ex. "just live a little...". take care. good luck.

[SwingFox]

Hi Davo,

 

First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us for seeking advice. I am sorry to hear that you feel so confused. I understand that you really like this woman and that you got intimate together.

 

I tend to agree to Tears of a Dragon, however, if you leave spare clothes at each other's place, then it should give or have given you some idea. You could keep speculating, but I would recommend you to start to talk to her about how you really feel over her. Forget what she said earlier and explain to her how you feel. That might shed some light on your situation with her. If she allowed to have your clothes at her apartment and you have hers, then I cannot imagine that she doesn't have some sort of feelings for you.

 

Communication is one of the building blocks in any relationship. Communication leads to a better understanding. I would take control over the situation and see how she feels after you told her how you feel.

 

I wish you good luck!

 

~ SwingFox ~

[bzborow1]

You know. This in theory could be something she meant to get out to you without telling you. Maybe she just said it for the simple fact you haven't committed to her, or expressed an interest in committing (couple). I think you should just tell her how ya feel, perhaps you feel a bit bad about not clarifying where you were in the relationship....who knows.

[Shan-Tilly]

This may not be the case in this situation, but a female friend of mine was in a relationdhip that sounds similar to the one you are in...he never officially asked her to be "girlfriend/monogomous"...Anyways, someone asked her in front of him if they were together as a couple...Her response was "No.We're just friends." Now she wasn't seeing anyone else, and she didn't want to...What she did do though, was confuse him and he did ask her to be his one and only...so, they ended up happy. Guess you could make it official and see what happens...or just tell her you know what she said and ask her about and tell her how you preceive the relationship. Good Luck.

[davo1066]

Well thanks for all your advice, this was my first time posting a question online and it seems to have paid off!

 

Looks like all of you were right - I spoke to girl in question and she had been stressed out, wondering how serious I was about her and why I hadn't really discussed the new status of our relationship with her, but she was too shy to say anything.

 

We talked about what she said to my friend about us being workmates and she had been worried about that, too - she had misunderstood the question and then had been too embarrassed to correct herself afterwards as I was sitting nearby and she didn't know what I thought about our relationship.

 

So it turns out she's as keen as I am, and had been from the start too - looks like everything's cool and if we've learned one thing from this it's to be more up front about our feelings instead of just brooding!