Should I contact him now or give him more space?

[cath123]

My ex and I were together for 2 years (between the ages of 16-18). We officially got together after a couple of months of dating, and became an extremely strong couple, considering how young we were. Our friendship group got closer and we saw each other every day. Once we both passed our driving tests we saw each other even more, as we only lived about 15 minutes away. We were very happy and rarely argued but when we did, we'd let our frustrations out, and become even stronger.

 

Last summer was long as we'd finished our A Levels. We went on holiday with our friends, and saw each other every time we could over the 3 months. We both had both applied to places around 4 hours away from where we live (just in opposite directions). I got into my first choice whereas he got into one about an hour and a half away from where we lived. Unfortunately I got extremely homesick, so I transferred and now live with my parents again.

 

We never really spoke of the problems that moving away would bring (naively we thought we were strong enough to get through the long distance). The only time it was brought up was on his last day when he said that as long as we always knew what date we were going to see each other next, we would be okay. The first month and a half went smoothly and each time we saw each other it was perfect. Then the distance started to take its toll and we broke up. He did it spur of the momently over text and realised how awful that was of him, so came to see me and explained that he felt as though he needed some space to be able to settle into his new life. I understood and said I would give him all the space he needed but that I would like him to consider us getting back together. I left it for a week (I now wish I'd left it for longer!) and then we spoke each day for over 2 weeks before he came home and told me he would like us to try again. We agreed to be completely honest with each other and take things slow. At first, things were great and we were talking about getting back together, but then it started to break down again. When we saw each other it was all worth it but the distance was making it hard for us to work our problems out, so it ended again.

 

He came home for Christmas for a month and because of our close friendship group, we ended up seeing each other a couple of times. Unfortunately after each time I ended up texting him. Eventually we had an argument (we hadn't argued in months) and we both said what we wanted to say and it ended relatively amicably. It's been 3 weeks since it happened and we haven't spoken since. I know he wants his space which is why I'm keeping myself busy, yet I'm missing him immensely. At first I was so emotional I didn't know what I was thinking, but now the initial shock has gone I'm really feeling hurt. At first I blamed him entirely as I believed I put a lot more effort into the relationship, but looking back more calmly now I can see that I was quite needy and pressured him a lot. I'm purposefully not making contact right now as I understand it is important for us to have time and space, especially as I know what some lads (and girls) are like in University, and they want to be able to go and out experiment and experience all new things and I don't want to become *that* annoying ex.

 

I am going to the city he's in a next week to go to a Recruitment Fair. He told me when we were together that he would take me there; however that's now probably not going to be an option. I would really like to talk to him again and try and build up some sort of foundation, but I’m unsure if it’ll be too soon for me to text him and ask for directions (I would only ask for directions - not for him to meet up with me). My friends have told me to just do what I feel is right, but I still don’t know. I would hate to waste this opportunity to talk to him again.

 

I am aware that we are both still young (we’ve both turned 19 since), and I know that some will say I should just move on. I am feeling better and I have been out with my friends and met a couple of boys, but every time it gets to a certain point I’m instantly reminded of my ex.

 

I’ve realised the mistakes that I made, I did become extremely clingly and looking back I realise it actually pushed him further away. We also didn’t talk enough about what caused our first break-up and what we could do to make it right, which was stupid of us. I want to be able to show him and that I have realised I made some stupid mistakes, but the opportunity to talk to him is in a week’s time!

 

Thank you for reading. What do you think? Should I text him next week or leave it a while longer to see how I feel? It’s been a month and a half since the break-up.

[tjcalif]

I think you should try and hold put as long as you can and see if he texts you. From what you have wrote, you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders for someone your age and I am sure your boyfriend does too..

If you can.. Let your life happen without trying to interfer. If you let things go and let him come to you I think you have a shot of getting back with your boyfriend!!! Good luck and take care

[catfeeder]

I’m unsure if it’ll be too soon for me to text him and ask for directions (I would only ask for directions - not for him to meet up with me).

 

If you have access to a computer, you don't need to text him for directions. And he will know this, too. You can also contact the place for directions. In other words, you can operate as anyone would who didn't have an ex who knows the way there.

 

Neither of you are villains, but I'd keep to NC. This is important because you recognize that you were the needy one. He needs the time and distance to miss you, and unless and until that happens, contactng him will be perceived by him in the opposite way you'd hope.

 

Head high, you can do this.