Ex contacts me after nine years????

[ChadBrad]

Hello,

I have been divorced from my ex wife for almost 9 years now. The break up went OK. I went to Iraq with the army and she went home and that was it. After I got back from Iraq she wanted nothing to do with me, so I got a job back in Iraq and spent 5 years there. I got a minor injury there, which was a wake up call, so I got out and got myself a nice job that I love and my life back together. I am married and have a daughter now. Love my Life.

I Really did love my ex wife, but to the end I was unsupportive, and was not going anywhere. I just didn’t know what to do.

I sent my exwife a facebook message a year ago asking for the engagement ring back, as it was my mothers and she really wanted it to stay in the family. I had her send it to a friend of mine who we both know.

I got a message from her today telling me she found my birth certificate and asking if I would like it back and where she could send it. I found this a bit strange as she could of just sent it to my friend and I would of got it that way.

She was also chatting about old friends that are now having kids and how amazing it is. She was also telling me about her new Job.

I don’t think she know much about me anymore as far as what I do, or what I have done over the last nine years. She knows I am married and have a daughter.

She is married and has two kids and what sounds like a good job.

She was my first Love and I am not sure I ever got over her, I just put the memories in the back of my head. I am pretty sure she got closure, but I just think it strange that she would contact me about this instead of just send it to my friend.

Maybe I am just over analyzing this, but would love to hear your viewpoints.

[Minx2012]

I think you are just overanalysing things. It is NATURAL to feel this way since a) she was your first love and b) the breakup ended in terms that were difficult for you ( when you were doing some soul-searching, depressed, fighting off possibly trauma from being away from home in some war-ridden country ). The emotions that two people share ( i.e. love ) becomes much more complicated and unbearable when one or the other is in distress or some sort of personal crisis. You also mentioned that there might not have been a lot of talking ( for the sake of closure ) towards the end of your relationship...which accounts for the " residual " questions and thoughts.

 

I think that in ANY relationship that ends where there was a lot of love, passion or intensity, there will always be traces of "residual feelings" or thoughts ( no matter how minute, tiny or miniscule they become over the years ). It has been 9 years for you but for some reason, the email still did something to you. This does NOT mean that you still want her in your life or that there is still some sort of fateful, magical link between you two. It just means that since she was a huge part of who you were around 9 years ago, there would still be thoughts of her in your memory bank that somehow pull on your emotional side. That's just the way it is.

 

You also have to think about when YOU contacted her around a year ago, asking for the engagement ring back. Did you wonder how she could have felt? I am sure that she felt a sting / a slap on the emotional side. You haven't contacted her for almost 8 years and then the first e-mail she gets from you is to ask for the engagement ring back. Can you imagine what she must have been thinking?

 

Both of you are married with children now. There is no point in rekindling any sort of connection. Even conversation is fruitless.....what do you need to talk to each other for? You don't have each other but you don't love each other either. You are both on an amicable type of indifference where conversation is there or not and neither should care.

[Gilson]

You're over analyzing it.

 

A person can change a lot in nine years. So much time has passed that she probably thinks she can telk to you like an old friend.

 

 

This morning before getting ready for work (I was up early at 1am. I work at 4am and usually ghet up at 2am) I was on FB and an old girlfriend who I am FB friends with was on and contacted me "you're up late". I really haven't communicated with her on FB at all since about 2007 when I first signed up. I haven't seen her since about 2001 when she worked with my then-girlfriend. It's been about 22 years since we dated.

 

Other than that she lost her mother before Christmas and I lost my father about six years ago, we don't have much to talk about.

 

I don't know if she had anything else on her mind. She asked where I'm working now, so I half expect to see her there soon.

 

 

 

Ofcourse, since we're both single, I'm wondering if I can get anything out of this recent exchange. Did I mentioned she was my first?? We were in high school back then and had to sneak around. I've learned a lot over the years!!