divequeen89 Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 My ex dumped me for an old ex whom I recall he'd refer to as "fake and high maintenance" yet he's with her. Interesting. Anyone ever go through this? Makes me want to send her all the **** he sent me about her...but I'm too above that. Just breaks my heart he'd play me that way, talk so much crap about her only to get back with her. What did you guys find to help while you were dealing with being dumped and trying to move on at the same time? Link to comment
skyhop333 Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 I know your upset and it's not your fault. Keep in mind, when a man you have your heart invested to has exes, this is a chance you take. If he talked bad about her one too many times this is a red flag that he has more emotion invested into that relationship than he is letting you on to. This is a good way to gauge a relationship before you allow it to get to a level where you can get hurt. I've been around this bend a couple of times. As far as any revenge, taking a swipe at her is going to drain any ounce of respect from him for you. Once the respect is gone, it's rarely ever restored. It would only make you his number one enemy and solidify their relationship farther. You need to stay angry but wipe the slate of him from your mind and heart. It's all to obvious when someone is dumped if their anger over the ex is over the top. That means they are angry and still invested in the ex emotionally that they allow it to become a staple of conversation into the next relationship. That is why too much talk about an ex is a red flag. They can't get over them and it shows through their anger. He only called her fake and high maintenance because he was angry at her, not for what she may really be. You ask yourself, would he be telling you what he has if they were still together? Chalk this one up to experience and lessons learned. He didn't intentionally use you, but he did make the mistake of involving you when his true feelings were invested elsewhere. He really wasn't emotionally available in the first place. This will be hard, but let this go and don't allow him back through the door. He has emotional issues to deal with on his own even if the relationship ends. You will be all the better for it in the end and be better able to love someone else of whom doesn't have this emotional crutch and can emotionally invest themselves in you for who you are, not who they lack. Best of luck to you. Link to comment
Staples 29 Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Lol... I called my ex out over a girl who was his friend once. He looked at me like I was from Mars and said 'she's not very attractive, slightly overweight and will sleep with anything'. The third quality should have stuck with me. We had a bust up after she was tweeting him really inappropriate things and he was responding in kind (it started out as banter at first... then got out of hand). I thought I overreacted and apologised then sent him an email telling him how his actions made me feel. Then I found out a couple of days later he was telling her how good she looked in a tight body con dress; admittedly just to sleep with her as she's pretty nasty in bed. At this point I was done. I don't know if he did have sex with her. I know he had sex with other women and flaunted it in her face- so I guess she got what she had coming as will he. Now I don't know anything. And I don't care. He didn't leave me for her; he didn't care about her but he didn't think twice about us ending things over whatever it was he wanted from her. The girl in question I couldn't care less about but I wonder if she knows how he really feels about her. Men either slag off women they like or care about because 1) they can't have them 2) said women hurt them. If he calls her fake and high maintenance then it'll rear its ugly head sooner or later. Leave them be, don't hold on to any bitterness and well done for not telling her what he said about her - it'll only make you come off in a negative way. Also, as is usually the case over time he will remember the qualities in you that are in contrast to this 'fake and high maintenance' girl. Even if you never find out; trust me when I say he will. Link to comment
divequeen89 Posted January 22, 2013 Author Share Posted January 22, 2013 Thank you so much for this. You are absolutely right about the ex talk being a red flag, because it was...I simply chose to not listen to it. I wish him the best in his quest. Thank you X Link to comment
rosasnyder811 Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Thank you so much for this. You are absolutely right about the ex talk being a red flag, because it was...I simply chose to not listen to it. I wish him the best in his quest. Thank you X Use this time to better yourself. Make yourself irresistible. He could just be checking things out with her--- and he may find that he was right to be with you all along. Stay in touch if he wants to. Don't lose faith, but don't let yourself be dragged through the mud, either. Link to comment
gramstar11 Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 I was dumped for a girl too, this girl was his 'friend'. While he was with me i didnt ask him for anything, didnt push him to stay in with me, didnt push him to not see his friends, didnt push him to make it 'official' on facebook (in fact i've never done that, its just not me) and he seemed to like that freedom... in fact in the end he completely abused it... I got cheated on and finished for a girl who is older than me, wants to settle down, makes him stay in and not see his friends, and announces every detail on facebook... am i missing something? I was the most laid back girlfriend in the world, and he prefers to be with a person who keeps him on a leash... Make sense of that one... Link to comment
divequeen89 Posted January 22, 2013 Author Share Posted January 22, 2013 HA! Guess who freaking called me today? Yep. Him. Interesting. "I love you...I miss you...do you want me to come visit you in your country?" MEN!!!! Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I was dumped for a girl too, this girl was his 'friend'. While he was with me i didnt ask him for anything, didnt push him to stay in with me, didnt push him to not see his friends, didnt push him to make it 'official' on facebook (in fact i've never done that, its just not me) and he seemed to like that freedom... in fact in the end he completely abused it... I got cheated on and finished for a girl who is older than me, wants to settle down, makes him stay in and not see his friends, and announces every detail on facebook... am i missing something? I was the most laid back girlfriend in the world, and he prefers to be with a person who keeps him on a leash... Make sense of that one... I can relate. I think other people's company is a gift and so I don't try to own it. Am questioning this approach, as it seems like my partners don't feel wanted. Struggling with changing my paradigm on this, as it doesn't seem natural to me to limit someone else's choices. On the other hand, this cheating bit is getting bit old! Link to comment
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