So it's been roughly 5 months and...

[TheNewGuy]

...boy can some people move on like nothing ever happened lol. I mean, left me in mid August after roughly 4 years and one child, for so many reasons I lost count. But for the heck of it, lets see what I can remember.

 

1. Didn't know what she wanted. (Probably still doesn't.)

2. Loved me, but wasn't in love with me. (We know what that REALLY means.)

3. Wasn't sure we had a future together. (And it took 4 years to figure that out?)

4. Said I had trust issues with her. (Guess so when you're talking, texting, and sending pics to another guy.)

5. Said I needed to get my priorities in order. ( Putting "our" family first and foremost, musta been the wrong thing to do.)

6. Apparently all I cared about was my car and sex, lmao. (Well I can trust the car and I like to get laid more than twice a week.)

7. Said I didn't spend enough time with her family. (I'm sorry I didn't want to see them 7 days a week, like she did.)

8. Said I never helped around the house. ( But I paid most the bills, done the laundry, cleaned daily, cooked, etc.)

10. Apparently I spent to much time on the computer. (But when I went to cuddle with her on the couch, she wanted to play on her Ipad the whole night.)

11. Said she deserved better than me. (Now that really hurt. I don't think I could be that mean to someone, well except maybe her now.)

 

Okay so there is 11 I can think of right off. Pretty lame reasons, imho. Turned out she really left me for the guy she had been talking to the last month or so of our relationship. When I confronted her about it, she said " Well you knew I was talking to him, so what's the big deal." I don't think I've ever met someone so dumb in my life with an answer like that.

 

So my life for the past 5 months has been trying to catch back up financially, while trying to be a great father to my 2 year old, and trying not to lose my mind. It's really hard when you have to start all over from the beginning. Her life for the past 5 months to my knowledge has been.

 

Leave me in August.

Become "official" in October with that guy who lives 6 hours and 3 states away.

Now she's decided to move him down here to live with her.

Became engaged to this guy in December.

Now getting married in September.

 

Now that's moving right along, isn't it? Kinda makes me feel like I wasted 4 years of my life, not counting my son, he was worth it. Of course I'm doing a lot better than I was back in August thru October. Still sucks though. Guess I just felt like writing all of that out.

[SpottiOtti]

She sounds like a MESS. Jeez. She probably hasn't the slightest clue why she does what she does, while you are being deliberate in your actions and taking care of your son.

 

You're better off, Newguy! Much better off. Did it help to write all those things down? I hope so.

[T99]

Hey newguy. first of all sorry this happened to u. I would say I am in exactly same situation as u, 4.5 yrs over in august.

 

I had 1-3. I am 99% certain hidden meaning behind all those statements is that she had someone else.

 

4 yes she no doubt drove u too that, that statement is her way of rationalising her own actions to alleviate her guilt, I.e he has drove me to this.

 

5-7 is difference between men and women! To u, looking after your car admirable, standard interest/hobby/pastime. To her, every minute u spent on that car was minute u were not paying attention to her/disrespect. We are wired differently.

 

Number 8 is code. She doesn't mean never, she means more. She was stressed and needed more help. To us, not big deal/important, to them, huge deal, u r hurting her by not. Understanding hidden meaning of her complaint!

 

10 yup hurting her every time u focused on computer. What she really means is u look at that computer over paying attention when she needs it (we men don't need so much attention so don't always get this!)

 

11 as u were hurting her and new person hasnt yet, her barriers are now up, she was angry and makes mean statements.

 

Honestly same thing happened to me, never felt such pain! And like u were so confused/dumbfounded at the time. U sound like top guy, but that doesn't mean u were not hurting her without knowing it....

[T99]

P.s. If that marriage happens and/or works it will be a fluke, no body knows the person they wish to marry and spend 50 years with at that speed...

[TheNewGuy]

She sounds like a MESS. Jeez. She probably hasn't the slightest clue why she does what she does, while you are being deliberate in your actions and taking care of your son.

 

You're better off, Newguy! Much better off. Did it help to write all those things down? I hope so.

 

Yeah I am much better off. I realized that around November. It did help to write that down and I honestly can't believe someone can go from breaking up to getting married that fast. Kinda makes me feel like for four years I was just there for conversation. I know a lot of people who know her are confused at her actions as well. I feel bad for the kids though, especially her 7 year old.

[TheNewGuy]

1-3 always has a hidden message lol.

 

When it comes to number 4, after all was said and done I found out I was in a no win situation. Apparently members of her family had introduced this guy to her and then proceeded to get them together. You just can't win against all of that, shouldn't have even tried. Now I have to hear through the grape vine, how this guy is the perfect son-in-law, greatest guy ever, etc. In other words from what I've been told numerous times, she says jump and he ask how high, lol. Pretty pathetic for a guy almost 40, but whatever.

 

On to 5, she pretty much wanted me to get to a financial point were she could quit her job and be a stay at home mom. Okay I may have fell for that, but it's not going to happen in 4 short years.

 

6. No clue why she hated the car. I always worked on it while she wasn't at home and I spent my extra money on it, which wasn't much. Funny, she sure thought it was "hot" and liked to ride around in it though. And the sex wasn't much good anyways, of course I'm too nice to have told her that lol.

 

You would understand 7 if you spent a month in my shoes. Why someone in their mid-late twenties has to see mommy and daddy EVERY day, is beyond me. Then after seeing them, come home so mad she couldn't see straight because they made her mad. They would call and after their convo, she'd throw the phone because they were getting on her nerves. Must be child hood issues, idk.

 

I can understand number 8. I did get slack about house work for awhile, but once she brought it up to me as something that really bothered her, I took care of it from that moment til the end of the relationship. She brought me a problem and I fixed it, what more can you ask for in a give and take relationship.

 

Wow I totally missed 9 haha. But I have no defense for number 10. Granted all I was doing was hanging out on various message boards such as here, reading stuff, etc. Okay so she has me there.

 

11. Only a real jerk would say that to someone who has been good to them. If I had cheated, been abusive, etc then I would say I deserved that, but I wasn't.

 

I honestly believe she's getting married because she has told me before, she can't be a 30 year old single mom. She has to be married by then. Interesting that a couple weeks before we split, we were on the road to getting married and she was excited as she could be. We were working out all the details, I had found the perfect ring, etc. Guess I dodged a bullet in the end. Kinda stinks for the fact that I was looking forward to marrying her though lol.