At a loss...

[Lil Squirrel]

Hello there. This is my first post, so I hope I do ok...

 

A friend of mine had come to stay with me after his wife had assaulted him (and it was pretty bad), he had left her, and we developed a relationship from there. The relationship I was previously in had ended, but me and my ex are still great friends. This guy staying with me has since been divorced, but dealing with his ex has been, and is, an absolute nightmare.

Historically she has hacked into his email account, and emailed me acting like him. She had taken his cell phone without his knowledge, and texted me directly with the most heinous things. Previously I had asked here to just leave me alone, and must admit she will not contact me directly now. But... here's the kicker... my roomie's ex constantly texts him with vicious hate. Not only that, if she also texts him with embellished reports about me! She tries to push his buttons, and she's really good at it, cause my roomie takes it out on me afterwards. I constantly get blindsided with tall tales of my daily activities, though what is actually going on is innocent. Its like this woman has a GPS on me or something. I have even been accused (as well as my ex) of things that I had to show my roomie actual documentation proving my innocence and illustrating the false accusations his ex has made. The stress of it all is unbearable.. it affects every aspect of my life, so much so no matter where I go I'm constantly looking behind my back.

She also strong-armed him in signing a custody agreement where his children can have no contact with me, my home, work, anything. I have never interfered when it comes to the kids, and have done nothing but try and support them... but I got slapped with this.

I'm sorry if this sounds confusing, but I know as long as this guy still hangs around me, all this drama is going to happen. He is in a bind, as he's unemployed and has been for nearly a year. He's shown very little interest in finding work, I provide everything for him, including gifts for his children so they have something from 'him'. He's also in a quandary where he cannot move out of state, but the only place he has to go - other than mine - is in another state, as well as he's in another custody battle (supposedly to drop the NC on me). So its like I'm stuck with him.... my heart tells me I need to end all this, and he should go and go now regardless of his issues. But I'm just at such a loss...

[chickydoodle]

I'm sorry if this sounds confusing, but I know as long as this guy still hangs around me, all this drama is going to happen.

 

So its like I'm stuck with him.... my heart tells me I need to end all this, and he should go and go now regardless of his issues. But I'm just at such a loss...

 

Sounds like you know what you HAVE to do but for some reason feel you are his life-line and you would be letting him down by doing what you need to do for yourself.

You are doing him NO favours by supporting him to such an extent. Why would he try and find a job when you are doing everything for him?

Perhaps as a gesture to make you feel more ''guilt free'' you could help him find alternative accommodation - but then he is on his own?

 

I know my telling you that you should not feel guilty by trying to get away from it all, isnt going to help.

Many of us , for some crazy reason, feel compelled to put others before our own needs. But no-one wins here even tho you may think you are doing the right thing.

You must first do what you need for yourself to be free from this ''cess-pit'' and things will then play out as they should for all concerned.

Relieve yourself of this load in the best way you can......

Do not allow any emotional blackmail to prevent you from doing this.

Be strong.

[LillyLooWho]

I have to say that he does sound a little weak minded when it comes to his ex. I mean, are you saying that he believes his crazy ex when she says stuff about YOU! That's just not right. You should not have to "prove" anything to him. I don't know how emotionally tied you are to this guy but honestly, it sounds like more hassle than it's worth to me. If he was more on your side and agreeing that the ex was a nut, then there might be hope but if he's listening to her spread stories about you, then I would show him the door.