Fisher1 Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 So I've been dating this girl for a couple of months and things are going really well. Last night she asked me to come out with her and her friend to have some drinks and play some pool. I noticed that she kept texting someone the majority of the night. I was getting a little annoyed so I glanced at one point and saw that it was her ex. I kept telling myself "it's cool, she's out with me. She invited me out, not him". But it still bothered me. I know they were together for 3 years, so I'm sure it's understandably hard to just totally cut off communication. But the fact that she was texting him while I was there, and was constantly checking her phone throughout the night bugged me. Am I right to be concerned/annoyed by it? Link to comment
twodegrees Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 Where there is smoke, usually there is fire. I would be concerned. She is being inconsiderate. Throw this one back. Link to comment
EssexMan Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 Yes. Texting him all night, even after you two have been going out for a couple of months, shows where her priorities may really be (I'm assuming they don't have a child together). I think you need to ask her directly why she was doing it when she had asked you out. Link to comment
DanDee Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 How would she feel if it was the other way round? Not impressed, I'm sure. Honestly, I would dump her - unless she sincerely apologises and stops. Link to comment
Fisher1 Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 Essexman: You responded to my other post about "establishing the relationship"; this is that same girl. I feel like I'm getting some mixed signals, like you said, as to where her priorities are. We're always doing things together, and she's even taking a day off work next week so we can knock something off of our list of things we want to do together. I shouldn't know that it was her ex she was texting, she has him in her phone with first initial and last name; so I don't think I can approach her directly about that. However, I think it's still rude no matter who she's texting. Link to comment
DN Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 However, I think it's still rude no matter who she's texting.So do I. It would be a deal-breaker for me, doubly so because it is her ex. Link to comment
LoveSoDeep Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 Yeah I'm guilty of staying in touch with my exes...but I still wouldn't text my ex all night long in front of a new guy. When she's with you she should not be texting anyone non-stop (unless you're included in the convo I guess) that was just not cool on her part. Link to comment
DanDee Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 Not putting his full name into his phone makes it even worse imo. She doesn't want you to know who she's texting. She knows its wrong. Tell her you know who she's texting and see where it goes from there. Link to comment
Fisher1 Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 Should I approach her about it? It was the first time she's done it. And maybe she thought it was ok since it wasn't just me and her, two of her friends were there too. She was super quick with it, seems like she was sending really short responses. And then she seemed happy I was there; kept leaning her head on me, lots of touching, leaning into me so I could put my arm around her... Link to comment
EssexMan Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 Not putting his full name into his phone makes it even worse imo. I don't know that that's necessarily the case - if she wanted to disguise who it was she could not use his real name in the phonebook at all. I have people called all sorts of strange things on my phone for one reason or another. Link to comment
EssexMan Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 Should I approach her about it? What would you say? Link to comment
Fisher1 Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 What would you say? I'm not sure... I could just ask who she was texting all night? I think, like you said in my other post, that I need to talk with her about where this relationship is going. If she's immediately in agreement in being exclusive, then I have my answer. If she's wishy washy about where things are going, well, I have my answer but just not the one I wanted... Think this is how I should approach the whole situation? Link to comment
EssexMan Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 I'm not sure... I could just ask who she was texting all night? I think, like you said in my other post, that I need to talk with her about where this relationship is going. If she's immediately in agreement in being exclusive, then I have my answer. If she's wishy washy about where things are going, well, I have my answer but just not the one I wanted... Think this is how I should approach the whole situation? Maybe you should forget about the texting for now and have the relationship talk first. In part, so that the texting issue doesn't overshadow her responses. And if she says she does want to be exclusive etc., then you could just say that's great, I was just worried because I noticed you were texting your ex a lot the other night, and I didn't know if that meant anything. Link to comment
MapleCanuck Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 I would confront this girl calmly. Since you haven't gone out long, you'll want to handle this different than someone in a year-long relationship. My ex had this problem. She kept ex's around and increasingly wanted go spend time with them or talk to them, even lying about "guy friends" and their history together. My point, she now has to prove to you that she can be committed to one person. Why would you want to date someone who can't move on from her past. I dumped a girl who insisted on staying "best friends" with her ex after just a month. I am solid that an ex should be emotionally moved on from in order to me remotely a friend. What happened, she got back with this dude and he dumped her heart again. Get out my friend. She can tell you she has moved on, her actions say otherwise. Link to comment
engraved2008 Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 Should I approach her about it? It was the first time she's done it. And maybe she thought it was ok since it wasn't just me and her, two of her friends were there too. She was super quick with it, seems like she was sending really short responses. And then she seemed happy I was there; kept leaning her head on me, lots of touching, leaning into me so I could put my arm around her... Fisher1,this is what happened to me after i flew over 2000 miles to spend the weekend with my new guy friend .He invited me to his apartment and we started cool.went out and visited his town and friends,and the second night all the way until the following day and evening ,he kept on texting back n forth to his ex while i was in his arms.For a moment ,for the first couple of texts i just ignored ,but it was an ongoing thing,so i had to mention something ironic like,,is she my competition ''. I guess that did not setlle too good with him .Next day he invited me for a walk with him and his dog ,but i told him ill stay in his apartemnt until he got back ( i mean ,that texting pissed me off ) . He told me we were not compatible for a long term.He walked out with his dog,and i packed my suitcase and left his apartemnt booking me the last night at the hotel after leaving him a note on his bed.... Im still hurt man ,about it....he said he was shoked that i left his palce and wished i did not leave.I cried all night cuz i considered giving us a chance and he rejected me . I say take a break from her....expain her why.Maybe im not in position to give advice here ,but i saw how painful and annoying that can be..... if is meant to be it will....just dont let her make u look like a fool.She seems like she is really confuz. Link to comment
Fisher1 Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 Maybe you should forget about the texting for now and have the relationship talk first. In part, so that the texting issue doesn't overshadow her responses. And if she says she does want to be exclusive etc., then you could just say that's great, I was just worried because I noticed you were texting your ex a lot the other night, and I didn't know if that meant anything. I think I have a perfect way to bring this up now. She surprised me and came by my work today (for the first time). I was introducing her to people I work with, and I wasn't sure how to introduce her. I didn't want to say "friend" and didn't put her on the spot and call her my "girlfriend". So I figure I can talk to her later and say something like "I wasn't sure how to introduce you to people today. I was about to call you my girlfriend and it just occurred to me that we never really talked about what we are". Think that would be a good way to approach the relationship topic, and then segway into the texting? Link to comment
EssexMan Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 I figure I can talk to her later and say something like "I wasn't sure how to introduce you to people today. I was about to call you my girlfriend and it just occurred to me that we never really talked about what we are". Think that would be a good way to approach the relationship topic, and then segway into the texting? Yup! Very good way to approach it. Just remember that when you ask about the texting, you're not accusing - you're just asking. Link to comment
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