Will we reconcile?

[Banana9erl]

Hi all

 

I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 years now. A few nights ago, I got really upset with him because he was late in meeting up with me and failed to communicate why. I was at his place, and he needed to go pick something up from a friend and thought that while he was there, they could watch a basketball game at a local bar. So we agree that he would be home by a certain time. 2 hours past our agreed time, he still isn't home, and it turns out he stayed out much later at the bar because it was another friend's birthday, but failed to communicate this to me and left me waiting. I ended up getting really upset because a similar incident happened just over the past week. I tell him that I needed a few days to clear my head and think about things, just because I'm never a person to be very rational in the heat of things.

 

The next day, I tell him I'm ready to talk, but now he's upset. He's not upset about the incident the night before, but just our relationship in general. He said that he's pretty hurt and feels that he's such a disappointment to me. The past 6 months, we've been fighting pretty constantly. It's mostly things I find issue with, I get upset with him, and then he gets defensive and we argue. He wants some time now to think as well. He wanted us to both make lists of issues we have with each other in the relationship to talk about. I know he's made his list, and I've made mine. However, we still haven't talked yet. I've left the initiation of the talk up to him, as he was the one who wanted to prolong it. The first day he requested additional time to think, a friend of his called me to see if I wanted to meet up with my boyfriend and our friends. I politely decline, and my boyfriend gets on the phone (a little drunk at this point) and asks what I'm up to that night, and then brings up his issue list and that he thinks he's done writing it. The next day, I hear nothing from him until the end of the night, when he texts me whether I watched the latest football game. I respond, and no additional contact. Today, the third day, I have not heard from him at all yet. It is safe to assume, he's consumed with football games, as they are currently in playoffs right now, and then basketball later tonight.

 

I'm not sure at this point whether to feel hopeful of reconciling, or not. On one end, I feel hopeful in that he wants to make these issues lists and discuss them. But on the other end, this is the longest we've gone without reconciling, and if he's done with his list, why isn't he initiating the talk? Is he so preoccupied with sports and his friends, that I'm not a priority?

 

Any advice or comments are appreciated...

[Xylitol]

Point 1. He does love you.

Point 2. You dont know how to deal with him.

Point 3. The issues are big for you because you get emotionally hurt ,however issues are only as big as you make them.

 

In other words i suggest a change of approach towards him and your own issues.

 

He loves you but doesnt know how to deal with you either, you are a punctual person, you don't understand why Mr.Leisure puts up his games before you. Well quite frankly he was brought up that way(as many western people are) to put leisure before steady improvement,hence he thinks its ok to leave you 2 hour waiting to celebrate someones birthday and this is where your relationship goes wrong. In other words, this is the type of guy who needs slack space and a lot of forgiveness and re-education on what he can and cannot do. And you shouldn't be so co-dependent on what he does, if someone else doesn't make you their nr.1 priority, you shouldn't keep around waiting and do something else that is a priority to you, like going to that party by yourself and drag him out of there, afteral if you want something in life its better to grab it with your own hands and taking control of the situation instead of waiting until things work out.

 

Life lesson learned: Waiting wont work!!!

 

Not everyone is like you, in other words you have to have to take it into consideration that everyone acts different (even if you don't like it) , meaning that if you decide to love someone you have to decide to love the whole package with all its flaws and good aspects for no one including you yourself is perfect.

 

Hence you should have some human slack space and consideration that everyone is just human being and makes mistakes.

 

Maybe this guy should read this book. link removed

 

Eastern style education is based on constant improvement in life, while Western education tries to pamper their kids, Both can learn something from each other, but your guy better go on to improve his lifestyle in improving his life, while you could do better being more lenient on some areas so that you would get a more balanced relationship.

[catfeeder]

It sounds as though he's exhausted at the moment and needs to step away from it. You probably are, too. Don't use this time to spin yourself into a tighter focus on the problems--you've made your lists, a positive step, so now I'd just decompress and back-burner this for a while.

 

The idea isn't to have a confrontation. You're not adversaries, you're on the same side. I'd make it my goal to remember this, and I'd relax and focus on other things at this time. You might be surprised at how well this can go if you're approach is relaxed, and you negotiate rather than demand. Embrace the cool-off period.

 

Head high.