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Feeling a little lost and anxious

Little Tree

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Hi there people. Posting here as I am feeling a little lost in life at the moment and also feeling a lot of anxiety lately.


I am in the 25 - 35 year old age grouping, I live alone in a nice apartment/flat and have a desirable car. I am close with my parents, whom are still married and I am their only child. My extended family are all loving and kind people. My friends are all loyal and interesting people whom I am generally very close with and I spend time with them most weekends.


In my work life I recently got a promotion and have started in the new job. I have waited a long time to get this promotion and it has been my goal for a few years now. Part of the reason I am feeling the way I am may well be, in part, to the stressors of staring this new job. I have been given a lot of work to do quite early on and I am still not 100% sure what I am doing. People are generally helpful but my boss is less so and I feel a little out of my depth. I am expected to carry out new and difficult tasks even though it must be clear and expected that I am still not sure what to do. I have asked for help or advice but the answers are often contradictory.


Although this new job is probably the catalyst for my current sense of being lost and anxious. I feel like this often and become quite tearful. From the first paragraph I wrote above you can see that my life on paper is very comfy, so I stuggle with why I feel like this often. Sometimes I wonder if it is because I am single, but then I am usually comfortable in my own company and like time alone to relax. Also, I believe in the old adage that you should not rely on love to make you happy and that happyness comes from within. To be honest I have only had one girlfriend and this relationship lasted for over a year.


I also can get quite frustrated and angry. Usually only in private as I come accross very polite and agreeable in public, although sometimes I slip up and get mad at someone. I instantly regret this and it will play on my mind for a good while. My parents are usually the only people who see me angry and when I lose control I can punch walls or hit myself even. How embarrasing to admit, but it is true and I have to be honest here.


The strange thing is I can be super confident at times and quite uncertain of myself at others. I fear that I may have a personality disorder, and while I know the folly of self diagnosis, I would not be surprised if this were true as I do display many of the symptoms.


I don't know what to do. There doesn't seem to be an answer and I face a life of feeling like something is missing or that there is something inherrently wrong with me. I don't think i'm depressed although it probably sounds like I am. Anyone have any advice or thoughts on reading this?

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If we grow up in a difficult family, or under difficult circumstances, it can cause traumas which take a long time to deal with and/or can cause repercussions in adult life. However, in dealing with adversity, we learn to, erm, deal with adversity. The adage "That which does not kill us makes us stronger" is often true; I grew up in a very poor family, in a very downbeat part of London, but I got to University at a time when relatively few people did - certainly very few from backgrounds like mine. For me, the student grant was riches beyond my wildest dreams and I never had any financial problems as a student; nor did I worry about the slummy houses most students lived in - because that's what I'd grown up with.


Kids from rich backgrounds often found it a real shock to the system, though, because the norm was to have it easy - for them. I wonder if most of your life is so pleasant, and so easy, that it's left you ill-equipped to deal with the changes and knocks which will eventually happen to all of us. Feeling out of depth in a new job is natural, and to be expected - but it's going to be worse for you because this isn't a familiar feeling. It WILL get better, I promise you that!


It doesn't sound as though you have a personality disorder. One of the key features of people who have is that they are unable to maintain functional relationships.

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I can relate with you quite a bit. I will turn 25 this year. I’m still in college but I share many of the same personality traits you do. People say I come accross very calm. I don’t show my true face to people as I am shy and it takes a long time to come around to folks. And the ones that I do come around to are few and far between. I also have a bit of an anger problem although I haven’t had an outburst in quite some time.


I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you at all. I get what you’re saying about feeling quite confident of yourself in some areas but then not so much in others. I think this is completely normal. At the job I worked at for 7 years I was extremely confident. But when I was thrown into new situations in school I felt disorganized. As if the rug had been pulled out from under me. That is to be expected with any new situation.


I don’t know if you’ve ever done any spiritual reading. And by spiritual I don’t mean the Bible or other religious works. But if you haven’t looked into Eckhart Tolle yet, he’d definitely be worth doing some research on. I’ve read a few of his books and this quiet discontentment you feel, you’ll be relieved to know, is universally experienced. You certainly are not the only one that goes through this.


Supposedly, and this is just one of many theories, you feel this way because you are cut off from “being”. The felt oneness with your body. I know that may sound abstract and a little hippyish but if you read more about it, it actually makes complete sense. Here’s a little snippet of video if you’d like to check it out:




I find him to be very comforting and soothing. At first you’ll probably feel like it’s over your head but keep listening, get ahold of those books if you can. There’s two of them: The Power of Now and A New Earth. He is a very wise man, a truly enlightened individual. Hopefully he can provide you with some methods to get you more in touch with your inner body (sounds like nut job stuff I know lol) and provide you with some relief.

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