Is our relationship worth his mother's possessive behaviour?

[RosieNystrom]

I've been with my boyfriend for three years and am very concerned about whether I should continue the relationship.

 

We have what is essentially a long distance relationship, as I only see him once a fortnight, sometimes less. He only lives an hour away, but stays with his mother who is by herself.

 

Unfortunately, his mother is possessive and childish. She finds it upsetting to be left alone at home, and so he cannot stay with me for more than a night at a time. She is also very jealous of his time; whenever I come round to his – which is as often as she lets me – she invariably forces us to spent the duration of my visit watching tv with her, often six or seven hours of television at a time and becomes visibly upset and/or gets angry if we try to do otherwise.

 

It doesn't help of course that my boyfriend is extremely weak willed. He bows down and kowtows to his mother extremely easily and refuses to stand up for himself. If she doesn’t want him to do or go somewhere, he will change his plans to make her happy.

 

I have done my best to keep the peace and have essentially bowed down to his mother for the past three years, but I’m getting to the point where I would actually like to spend time with my boyfriend and not just with her.

 

My family are extremely concerned too and have suggested that I break up with him. There are no other problems with our relationship and I do love him very much, but this is obviously putting quite a strain on me.

 

Can I realistically expect anything to come of this relationship, or am I being too optimistic?

[JustOneGuy]

Do you know of any reason his mother may be so controlling over him? In my experience being all pally pally with the other halfs family isn't essential but it does make things difficult. Only problem here is, its the fact she has control over your relationship which isn't healthy at all.

 

In my opinion, if it hasn't changed in three years its highly unlikely it will. What kind of relationship do you have with his mother? Does she have reason not to trust you?

[RosieNystrom]

Do you know of any reason his mother may be so controlling over him? In my experience being all pally pally with the other halfs family isn't essential but it does make things difficult. Only problem here is, its the fact she has control over your relationship which isn't healthy at all.

 

In my opinion, if it hasn't changed in three years its highly unlikely it will. What kind of relationship do you have with his mother? Does she have reason not to trust you?

 

I'm not entirely sure - his dad left about fifteen years ago and as long as I've known her she's always been very clingy. She seems to substitute her children for men - in the sense that she relies on them in same way you would a partner.

 

We get on fairly well - mainly because I don't dare say anything! I know that if I did, she'd probably get extremely upset and cause real problems.

[Miss Firecracker]

Go ahead and confront them now. You will be sorry if you allow this to continue.

[In the Dark]

It's up to your BF.

It appears he needs to find his own apartment.

I seriously doubt his Mother's behavior is going to stop while he is living under the same roof.

His Mother probably uses the my house my rules, my way or the highway attitude with your bf, even if it is affecting his relationship with you.

[CeeLambrini]

I agree with In the Dark, she seems to be using her power against him which is why he might feel as though he needs to do what she says. But realistically, that isn't your problem. Letting your boyfriend know that you feel that you will have to end the relationship because of her might be the kick in the ass he needs to find an alternative to "Mother knows best".