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Am I Paranoid or setting safe limits?


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Hey Everyone,


This is my first post, so lets see what happens.


I got married two years ago and since getting married have been constantly worried about having any interactions with any woman apart from my wife. I have never cheated on her, and she has never cheated on me.


Before I got married I was ok giving other women a ride home in my car, going to dance lessons, and having female friends. Since getting married all that has stopped. No more female friends, no more dance lessons, and tonight I feel worried because a female co-worker gave me a ride home in her car. I am not friends with her, I don't like her, but I still feel worried, and I don't know why - even though I told my wife, and she doesn't even care, but I am still concerned....I don't know why.


Is it normal to feel this way after getting married and committing to be faithful for life - or am I going crazy?

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I find your fear a bit baffling. You are afraid of ... what, exactly? That you'll lose control and cheat on your wife? That she's going to suddenly become unreasonable and accuse you of cheating on her? Did this issue of opposite sex friendships come up with your wife before you two married?


You might spend some time thinking about what are appropriate boundaries for you and your wife when it comes to people of the opposite sex. Maybe that will relieve some of your unexplained worry. Maybe you don't know what the "rules" are now.


I'd suggest safe limits include: not doing anything regularly with a female co-worker, like going to lunch every Tuesday, unless you're in a group; not going dancing with a woman other than your wife; not actively developing any new female friends; not giving a woman gifts. Also, do talk about your female co-workers with your wife, so she knows who they are.


But you can do things occasionally, like give someone a lift, or have lunch one-on-one once in several months.

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I'm not married but I do think your not being far to yourself. You still deserve to have fun and do the things you did before you were married.


Did you wife ever have a problem when you went dancing with other women before? If not she shouldn't have a problem with it now. Especially if its not a shared interest.


Of couse you should take your marriage seriously, but don't take it so seriously that you put stress on it.

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