Giving space and time. What is it good for?

[Crushed]

What is the purpose of needing space and time? I never understood that. I'm not talking about a relationship where one partner is being smothered by another. But in a normal relationship where you would see each other once, maybe twice a week. When things get rough what, if any, positive effect does time and space accomplish? It just seems to me that women often use this as a cop out as they ofter don't have the strength to end a relationship. Thus after enough time has gone by they can build the backbone to finally end it. Or is there a real bennifit to taking time apart when things get tough?

 

BTW I know these are generalizations and not true of everyone.

[SwingFox]

Hi Crushed,

 

You asked an interesting question here. I believe that space and time are an issue, especially time after a breakup. It might be possible that after a break up both partners still have deep feelings for each other, but something really bad happened. It needs time to give all that a place in both hearts. It needs time to forgive and trust again.

 

Personally I don't believe in the word 'space'. May be some replies on here might change that point of view, I can't tell. There is no such thing as 'space'. If my partner would feel like going out with her friends, I would let her. However, if she would feel the urge doing that all the time, and make me feel disregarded, then I just feel that she is not ready for a relationship with me. I have set boundaries in my life and one of them is that when with a partner, they should connect and relate to me. Disregard will lead to me communicating my needs to her and if that doesn't resolve things, me letting her go.

 

I hope that this answer helped you somewhat. I am looking forward to see more replies here.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[Crushed]

Is there no one else who have ever asked for time or space before? Or foun it to be bennificial?

[optimistic]

Hi Crushed.. My view is a little different..

 

My girl recently split up with me. We were together 4 and a half years. I found out (recently) that she had been unhappy in out relationship for about a year and never said anything, the communication dried up and she took to communicating with another guy that became sexual orientated. To this day I still don't know (probably never will) whether or not they slept together. She leaves Europe for the US when her visa is sorted in the next 3-4 months....

 

We both came back from 10 days in the UK about 4 weeks after we amicably split (her decision). Being the one that was dumped, obviously being heart broken I would have taken her back within the first month had she wanted to give it another go, but after the 10 days away together she told me she had fallen in love with me again, knew she wanted to be with me and had made a big mistake..... this made me mad after what she had just put me through...

 

I moved out from her 2 weeks ago because I needed time and space away from her to try and put the building blocks back together. I still have feelings for this girl and hope that time and space will put us back on track and make us realise what we had... The problem is I don't know how much time but I do know the space will be between Germany and New York..

 

We still speak and are doing the "being friends" part of splitting up at the moment.

 

Maybe I'm being naive but I think everyone deserves a 2nd chance but no more and the more I look at it I was also to blame for us splitting up too.

 

Just though I'd give you my perspective..

 

Good luck

[toolgirl150]

Guess what - guys do it too. Personally for me the word "space" means in realty "things aren't that great, I need to be alone (read: with other people) and I don't want to spend time with you but I am not sure I totally want to break up with you." Or their just to wimpy to do a full blown break up.

 

I think its just a way to kind of slowly back out of a relationship, without burning bridges - a way to leave the door open just in case the "space" thing doesn't work out.