Is your dumper coming back?

[Amandacast57]

^^ what's the story amandacast?

 

We dated for 5 months. At the end of October he broke up with me. His reason was that he just didn't have time for a relationship. It was kind of out of the blue since the 5 months were really romantically intense, talking about moving in together, marriage, etc. We didn't talk for about a week. Then I initiated contact. We would hang out and a lot of times the topic of a relationship would come up. But he still maintained that he didn't have time for a relationship.

 

Sometime in November, I found out he had texted this girl asking if she wanted to hang out. I confronted him about it, he said he wasn't interested in her like that and we didn't speak for another week until I wrote him an email with all my feelings, starting with the day we met. I ended it with "I'm sure you are rolling your eyes but at least you know how I feel". He responded that he wasn't rolling his eyes, that there were actually tears in them and that he questioned his decision to break up often.

 

So we started hanging out again and things got progressively better. When the pressure of a long term commitment came off the table, I found him doing things like asking me out on dates, wanting to do things like painting classes with me, saying he missed me, sending me kiss faces, talking about long term commitments ON HIS OWN and taking me to hang out with his family. I was surprised because these were things that he didn't even do/suggest when we were together. The Thursday before Christmas he said we were dating.

 

I still try to sit back and let him do a lot of the initiating. And I have a lot of anxiety sometimes because 1. Him and I fit PERFECTLY. It is crazy the things we have in common and share the exact some viewpoint on. He doesn't really do anything that annoys me or I can't live with and I really like him for who he is. Finding someone that you feel that for scares me to lose him and 2. It scares me to think about him not feeling the same way or not wanting a future with me.

 

But I'm happy right now.

[Javabear]

What a coincidence coming accross this thread because just the other day I started getting this strange inkling that he'll be coming back. Maybe it's all the "getting-back-together" stories I've been reading about and have seen happen to other people in my life, but something inside of me won't let go of the fact that he has to come back. Yes, we were each other's first loves, but we were together for 3 years during college which is a huge accomplishment given the temptations of being at a university. My ex broke up with me in somewhat of a rash way and I fought hard for a month to make it work. He said lots of things like, "I'm not in love with you anymore" and "I was never as invested as you were" but we both talked about marrying each other all the time, I know it wasn't just me. Also, when we were breaking up I was the one who actually had to pull the plug because he confessed that he had a crush on another girl. He even asked me while we were having the breakup conversation if I would take him back. All around he seemed reluctant. He wanted to stay friends but I said I couldn't do that and he respected my wishes.

 

His reluctance is what keeps me holding on to hope. I was the one who, after 2.5 months, had to move his stuff out of my place. He made up some excuse like he hadn't found a ride over to come and get it. Please. PLUS, the girl he had a crush on seems to have no interest in being his girlfriend. I've done my fair share of snooping and it seems like he's trying hard to persuade her and she isn't biting.

 

He and I were together for so long. We're close with each other's families, we have all the same friends... I think we needed this break in order to solidify our lives separately so that we can have an even stronger relationship in the future. Maybe. Or, maybe this is all just wishful thinking and he really is done with me forever. It's been 3 months now and I've heard very little from him except for a "good luck" text when I was taking an exam and a text on my birthday.

 

He might be young and dumb, but he's an intelligent person and if he has half a brain in his head he'll realize that what we shared was very special. Having never had another girlfriend before, he just didn't know. Which is okay. I just can't give up on him entirely. Not yet anyway. Love is patient.

[lovepugs86]

I feel like he is because he told me we are most likely getting back together and for so long there was no hope for us and then he had a change of heart. I can just feel it.... With a few weeks of space I think he will be ready to start over with me. I also think we will because he still loves me and tells me he misses me still. We had plans for marriage as well....

[Kromon]

Ex dumped me august 2012. Begged for a month then went NC. I contact her around beginning of December to let her know I have her passport, meet up to exchange things, from then on she initiates contact me over pointless things - I ignore majority of this, she starts inviting me out - I ignore, she invites me over for sex - I oblige (lol), couple of weeks pass and she is telling me she regrets every breaking up with and wants me back.

 

Together for 4 years, 1 month begging, 3 months NC. Not enough time to really change so if we were to get back together I think same problems would still be there. But I think its very true that your best chance of ever reconciling is with some period of NC for them to miss you. My ex dated another guy in the NC period and told me she was always comparing him to our relationship and that made her miss me more.

[leftme]

We're on similar time frames 4 years, 1 month etc, with my ex dating, i've just never contacted her let alone met her.

 

I'm not interested though. As beautiful as she was, I'm young and my life's going just swell without her. I don't think being with her would improve my life as settling down is the exact opposite of what I want right now.

 

I also can't see her coming back... But as I said, I don't want it. I didn't think I'd be saying that 5 months ago!

[snappy5]

I think he will, unless he meets someone totally out of this world compatible.

 

However the more time passes, the more people I meet, the more I'm realizing we weren't that compatible.

 

The idea of reconciliation is becoming less and less attractive as time moves on.

[GuDe]

Well, from what I gather form here, and other posts through out the forum...if your ex met someone else, you're screwed.