Quick Contact Question....

[user1481]

I would really analyze what you really want to be happy. Remember the way you felt when she did what she did. Before there is any consideration of any additional contact on your part, you should think of the major risk that will come if you explore further right away. Dont read too much into what's going on with her in her mind at this point. Instead, think of what you are really looking for at this time.

[Sizz813]

Well even though I have been through a lot since we broke up, been about 7 months or so, I would still like to pursue a relationship with her. I have done a lot of growing up since we split. I started to see other people and have learned alot of things. I know that it takes two to tango, and that there were things wrong on both sides. I want to make it work, so do you think that I should contact her or leave it alone? She essentially left the ball in my court by being the one to make contact last. Please advise, thanks.

[user1481]

Personally I think that was a cowardly approach to take, by her, by leavin u for another guy. If there was problems, she should have ended them with you completely instead of taking the "easy way out".

 

U know, just like you.....i'm going thru a really rough time right now where I initially felt I was done wrong but now I'm turning all the blame on myself. I think I'm doing this because I so much wanted things to work with this girl and I have this misconception that us men are the ones that can ultimately make or break a relationship. Not to mention, I did mess up a lot in prior relationships. I started feeling like the failure but in reality, there were so many things that she did also. I remember having some of the happiest moments in that relationship, but I also remember feeling totally out of place and neglected. During times like this, it's hard for me to remember the bad times and only focus on the good....but deep down inside I know there was reasons beyond my control, why we didnt work out.

 

U know, one thing I did (and this was at a point where it was somewhat safe for me to do this) was I went back and wrote down all of the times that we had major conflicts and all of the times that I felt like crap from something she was or wasnt doing. I thought honestly about where the blame fell and what steps I took to resolve problems. At first, I found there were times where I made a lot of little mistakes but ultimately I found that my efforts to fix and resolve issues were unmatched. Not even close! And in my case, the other person showed very little passion in changing. These are the things that I keep in mind when I think about giving us another chance. There were many reason why I was so miserable....and one of my biggest fears was, later down the road, forgetting the real reasons why I left and just remembering the "happy times". Now I just resort back to my notes! Just a warning though...when I started writing down and reminiscing on our relationship, Naturally I started with my faults and the things I did wrong. Right at that point I started getting really depressed and that's when I thought I was to blame....I was very vulnerable and left myself open (in a way) that if she did come to me at that time, I would have done anything to get back....but then as I started writing down, what I felt were her faults,...it all made sense and reconfirmed my decision to end it.

 

So, take some time to yourself….it took you seven months to get to this point. We don't want to put ourselves back into a dangerous and potentially hurtful situation unless we're really sure it will work out. Are u sure???

 

I really hope this helps a bit.

[Sizz813]

Thanks for the reply. You know the more that I think about it, I feel like there were more issues at hand than I had originally thought about. It is true that I did alot of things to make the relationship work out, but alas in the end it didn't work out that way. Maybe this is the way it was meant to be. What is the really strange part is that I feel like as long as she is happy and healthy, than it is ok with me. I guess that is how much I loved her, the fact that if she could be happier with someone else, than the more power to her. I don't know, it might sound like complete b.s., but who knows. thanks for the help and advice.