How to move on from a long-term relationship...

[bzborow1]

Hi all,

 

Well this is my first post on here. To get the ball roling i'm only 22 years old, but have been involved with a girl for 5 years. I recently graduated college and we were going to finally get married and move out together as we planned. About a month ago she went on a 10 day trip to New York for a university conference, i didn't go but encouraged her to, because i wanted her to experience as much as possible while young.

 

When she got back from the trip, i asked her to marry me...she said, "yes". I noticed she had been cold to me though, asking me not to tell anybody yet. Then two days later she told me she slept with a guy in New York, and needed time apart to figure herself out and broke up with me. THEN, she flew to where this guy lives she slept with was living (Vancouver) and spent a week there.

 

During which time she proceeded to phone me from his house saying she wanted to commit suicide. What am I to do? She is hurting me so much by running off and yet askin for me to help her through it? She tells me she wants to be friends, but when i meet with her she goes on like nothing has happened, and smiling and touching me (hands) as though we're together again...so i'm so confused!!!!!!!

 

She sent me a letter after all this saying she wants to be alone, to be single, to figure herself out. In the letter she says to me, "i understand your pain...and if you need time just call me when you're ready". But she THEN sent me another e-mail describing her thoughts on suicide, and proceeded to message me on MSN relentlessly.

 

I'm not sure what to do with her, because until this she had been the greatest gf. We've been through a lot together and it really seemed like there was a future, despite our age. After the stress of trying to deal with this, today, i finally told her that it's best if I not talk to her again, or at least not for a while....and then she got extremely upset and continues to message me on MSN relentlessly. Even though I think, for the moment maybe?, that she doesn't want me in a relationship.

 

In addition to all this, i've been in a relationship for so long at such a young age that i really don't know what i'm going to do about being single. I've never been single in such a long time, and even though i've met a new girl, I had to ask her to just be friends because I can't in good conscience date her with all this mess going on in my head.

 

I'm not sure what i'm looking for. Perhaps some words of wisdom? Or if somebody could give me an idea how to treat my now "EX"....how to move on...etc....i'm just so confused right now and don't know how to move on.

 

Sorry for the long winded post.

 

Thanks,

 

Bill

[kaliguy80]

man, first of all be glad that u she told u about her sleeping with someone before u got married......so consider urself lucky......second...if she tells u that she wants to commit sucide....call cops on her and let them know.....don't let her threaten you like that......i dont' know about other people.....but i think for someone to make a mistake like cheating is the worst thing u can ever do and i don't believe in forgiving people like them.

 

second....try to distant urself from her......the less u know about her the better off you are.....don't waste you time thinking wat is she upto or how things will be if u were still with her or got married or whatever.....move on....go on enjoy ur life....u r just 22.....u still got tons of years before you get married.....so go ahead, have fun

 

third......don't try to compete with her......if she found someone or in ur case cheated on u with sleeping wiht someone else......don't go out and start sleeping with everyone u meet to prove that u can get some too if u want to.....that would be great but lets not do that...lol.....take you time....meet new people....not at bars, please.....i m sure u will find someone as nice as a gal u ever wanted and someone who is loyal and trustworthy.

 

well, thats all i got for you....hope things workout for u......keep us all updated......take it easy bro, late.

[SwingFox]

Hi bzborow1,

 

First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us for seeking advice. I am sorry to hear all that has happened in this short period of time. I understand that you are feeling very confused.

 

I agree with kaliguy a 100%, but for totally different reasons. I believe that this woman has a few issues. She probably feels guilty over what she has done and tries to find excuses. Telling you that she wants to commit suicide might touch you in your heart and make you come back to her, saying that everything will work out. This is pure speculation, but this sounds so familiar to what I have gone through myself. If this is true then this woman is very manipulative.

 

My advice is that you try to heal from this relationship. I know that this is easier said than done. It won't happen overnight, but time will heal your wounds, too. If you plan to try again and get back together, know that you will have to trust her for 200% again. Are you ready for that?

 

I hope that my part also helped you on your way and I wish you good luck in your life. I hope you will find the courage to make the right decisions that will work for you.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[bzborow1]

Well to give you guys an update. My ex and I got into an argument tonight and it's pretty much over now. She told me she hacked my e-mail and found i was posting on here. She proceeded to attack me with insults saying I have a lack of communication (perhaps i do, but is 2 way street), and that i'm weak and pathetic person for posting on here. Well she continued to yell at me in this manner and I exploded. I'm not going to say exactly what I told her, but it had to do with her inability to control herself sexually.

 

In retrospect I shouldn't have lowered myself to her level. But what's done is done. So needless to say all the confusion is gone and I can now move on.