Every year...my first comes back to haunt me

[Decado]

Hi,

 

I've got a bit of a ramble I need to get out of my head.

 

To be honest, I feel a like c**p.

 

What I think it's down to is my first love. My first boyfriend who I was with for a total of 1 month and who still has some sort of hold on me 6 years later.

 

We started off really fast and it burnt out quickly just before Christmas. In the New Year, he decided that he couldnt cope with being gay, and thought he'd prefer to deny himself.

 

What I don't understand is why he still has some sort of hold on me. I am in a relationship that has lasted for a total of more than a year. I love the guy so much but it's a different kind of love.

 

...the only problem is it feels nothing like the love I had with my first boyfriend. That was like movie love.

 

I miss that intense yearning for someone and every year around this time it intensifies. I get flashbacks of that time and just dwell on it way too much for something that ended 6 years ago.

 

I don't know. I've heard a lot of people never get over their first love....is that going to be the same with me? I really hope not.

 

Has anyone felt the same?

 

Cheers for reading

 

Decs

[quixotism]

It's completely normal to feel your first love will never be matched, and that's because it's not meant to. Your first love is different from anything else, it happened at a time when you were different to who you are now, at an age where everything was fresher and perhaps more stimulating. But that doesn't mean you won't find someone else better, it just means you won't find someone that feels the same because with each person you have different feelings. Don't constantly compare the people you have now with the person you had before, that won't work out for you. Look for new experiences and embrace them. It'll be alright.