Forgive and forget her?

[hoboken12]

This is somewhat of a tough question I think. My ex and I broke up quite a while ago. She cheated on me, so I broke up with her. We tried to work it out for a short while, but it didn't work out.

 

She wanted to remain friends right after our last breakup but I couldn't bear seeing her with her new boyfriend she met him a several weeks before our breakup. When ever I would see her she would try to make light of the situation, by making jokes about what happened, like it was no big deal, etc.

 

She was making a painful situation worse. Basically, I have never forgiven her, but I know I need to. My question is, do you think it is possible to forgive someone for something, and just leave the relationship behind. I know I need to forgive her, because my anger over it isn't solving anything. But I also know that even though I care about her she is not a good person to have in my life, she seems to enjoy it more when I am miserable. I have had no contact with her for over a year. She still follows up with people I know to find out what I am up to.

[Scout]

Hmm, why should you forgive her? I am wondering if there is another way to let go of your anger.

 

Also, make sure none of the anger you feel is directed at yourself...often, WE are the persons we have to forgive. In your case, forgive yourself for any mistakes you felt you might have made in the relationship. Then make sure you've learned everything you need to have learned from the relationship and move on.

 

In my last relationship, I got pretty screwed over. Part of my anger was directed at myself...I felt I'd let myself be a chump, so to speak. Then I reasoned with myself that I did the best I could with what I thought I knew about my partner. I realized there was not much I could have done for a different outcome: this man was totally not relationship material, and I should have seen that much earlier. I forgave myself for not seeing that, and made a point to recognize potential red flags in the future.

 

And I moved on.

[hockeyboy]

perhaps look at it this way. what she did was wrong, but in actuality she indirectly may have helped you. i mean, you obviously dont want or need this kinda person in your life. maybe its good she did this, so you didnt prolong the relatlionship. now you are free to do what you want and have a lot of oppurtunities ahead of you.

 

i wouldnt go thanking her, never. you dont even have to forgive her. but to try to get over the anger, maybe you should look at it as you are glad for what you have. also take consolence in knowing you are the better person. would you rather be her? the "bad" person. no, of course not. be happy with who you are and be happy knowing theres a girl, a good girl out there for you. maybe you wouldnt have met her if things were different.

 

i like to think that some of the worse things that happen to us are blessings in disguise.

[Scout]

Well said, Hockeyboy. =D>

[Angelus]

hockeyboy is right, see it as her doing u a favour now you'd know what signs to lookout for in ur next relationship. I do say forgive her however, that does not mean you have to stay with her. you were loyal to her and she cheated on you, kick her to the curb and find a girl that actually deserves you.