Being a rebound does suck!

[taylorb]

Somebody help me!!!! I'm about to do something really impetuous!! Found out last night from the kiwi's friend that my kiwi was sucking face with his ex at the wedding they both went to two weeks ago. I'm so sad and so hurt. I want to call him and yell!!!! I want to return his belongings. I want mine back!!! What to do? I'm on the verge of calling....

[Only]

DON'T Do It !!!!!

 

Right now you probably want nothing more than to call him and hear or get him to admit that yes, he was smooching this girl, right?

 

That leaves one of 2 things.

 

1.)He will deny it - causing you to forever be suspicious if he did or not and you'll go berzerk trying to find out a way to get proof or him to admit it.

 

2.)He will admit it - causing you to go berzerk anyways.

 

So wait for a sec, deep breaths, shake the shoulders..hell, cry/break stuff if you're feeling the urge and consider this.

 

Even if he didn't smooch her and tells you constantly that he didnt, you will always have it nagging and poking around in your skull to a point where it consumes you and obliterates what little trust was left...

OR

You'll be extremely jealous, feel betrayed x 15976, frantic and all sorts of other lovely "you kissed another girl" type feelings.

 

But...what will happen if you phone him?

If you were to call him right now, what would you say or do?

[evy38]

Don't call the Kiwi, my friend. Think about it. It won't change his behavior. It may make you feel better right now, but later you'll feel weak. Try this, write a killer email. Say everything you want in it. Save it as a text file right on your desk top and plan on reading it again in the light of day, tomorrow, the next day. Edit it, reread it, make it as long as you please, you could even post it here. But, wait a few days before you even consider sending it, but if you choose to actually send it, reread it as if your best friend wrote it to her man. Would you send, change or delete it for her?

[taylorb]

Evy,

 

Thank you so much!!! I didn't call or email him yesterday. I'm so hurt. I know I can't compete with his ex...I know, but I just don't want him to get back together with her.

 

You're right, if I would have called it would have accomplished nothing. And not to mention, I would have felt like total crap afterwards.

 

I just don't understand why it so hard for me to get over this? Why I can't just let him go?

[evy38]

I think it's because we remember those feelings we had when we first fell for them. They were very powerful and wonderful. We would be willing to do almost anything we think would help regenerate and respark those feelings. I think it's very rare that they come back, though.

[taylorb]

So I never called him or emailed him. Thank God!!! I realize now that it is just over. I also never ever ever want to date anyone ever again. I'm so angry at the kiwi for using me. I am so angry that I let him!

[evy38]

So I never called him or emailed him. Thank God!!! I realize now that it is just over. I also never ever ever want to date anyone ever again. I'm so angry at the kiwi for using me. I am so angry that I let him!

 

The kiwi was a bad one, but eventually you'll get over him and meet a wonderful one. Then you'll want to date again. But feel free to be good and angry right now. It will help you get over him.

[taylorb]

So why can't I just send him a smart a** email. Telling him in brief: "you suck." It's been 10 days of NC.

[evy38]

You're angry tonight. You can email him if you want and it will make you feel much better right now. But, you'll feel really stupid about it tomorrow and for months. Is he worth that much self embarrassment? He'll just ignore you or think to himself, "boy I'm glad I dumped her. I didn't know she was a ball breaker."

[taylorb]

You're right, I am freakin angry. I'm really angry. He ruined it for me for awhile. No more dating. I am emotionally unavailable.

 

I just wanted to pretend to be upbeat but mean at the same time.

 

What's the freakin point? He's not coming back. I need to keep moving forward.

 

what's sucks is that I work with people that know him. So I can't get away from him entirely.

 

I'll be fine. This can only make us stronger, right?

[evy38]

Abso - freakin - lutely

[mist999]

hun the guy is trying to get away I'd say let go and make him feel guilty

so he can always wonder why he let you go

hope thing get better for you

[xtine]

I was also a "rebound" relationship. I knew I was, and I never expected the relationship to turn into much. We were friends for a few months before, got on really well and then started dating. He was the one who came on strong, told me all sorts of things like that he was falling for me, that he wished he'd met me years ago, all that kind of BS- I could write pages of the things he said. Told me he was falling for me on Friday in bed, on Saturday didn't want to make plans, and by Monday gave me the "I need a break" story. Wouldn't telll me how long he wanted to break for, but that his mind was going crazy because things were happening too fast. I actually agreed-- but HE'S the one who made them go fast!! I never, ever, tried to elicit any kind of committment or declaration of love from him- never. I was trying to keep things light, because I knew he had a lot on his plate and it took me a very long time to get out of/get over my last relationship. I didn't want to get hurt again. And just when I decide to let my feelings go, and start to let myself fall for him, he pulls the rug right out from under me. Now I feel like I will never get closure, will never know if all the things he said to me were just lines, will never know what happened all of a sudden to change things so drastically. I want to go to his house and shake him and demand answers, but I won't. This just happened this week and it has been NC since that conversation but I can't stand it. I want to know what happened and I want him to know how much he hurt me!!

 

So now I am on an indefinite break- which in my mind is goodbye forever- and it is making me crazy that I feel I will never get resolution. The worst part is that I know I will see him in about four weeks- we are both attending an event that neither of us would be willing to miss. So now I am obsessed with that, too- will he talk to me, apologize, should I kick him in the shins when I see him? Grrr! So angry!!

 

Thanks- felt good to vent. Rebounds suck

[taylorb]

xtine,

 

Our situations sound incredibly similar. He was the one that was moving extremely fast with me too. Wanted me to leave my toothbrush at his house. Wanted me to leave my bathing suit, clothes, etc. I also tried to keep things light because I knew he was still getting over his past relationship. I too (like you) just got out of a 2 1/2 year relationship before him and didn't want to get hurt again. And finally (like you) I decide to let my feelings go AND BAM it happened!!! He hurt me. I was his rebound. And the whole time we were dating I had a feeling that this was going to happen. I too am so freakin angry because I would ask him if he wanted to get back together with his ex and he would always say no.

 

I guess in the future we need to go with our gut. When a guy is unemotionally available (no matter how hard it is) we must stay away from them (in the romatic sense). Sometimes I get pissed at myself for not stopping the relationship sooner. But what can you do? The best for us is just to keep moving forward.

 

We have to remember that this wasn't about us. This was about them and their issues. Thank God it happened to us sooner than later. Imagine if they did this to us 6mos to a year down the road? Then we would really feel like crap!

[xtine]

Hi Taylor-

It helped me a lot to read your thread- makes me feel a lot less foolish to know that I wasn't the only one. I guess I'll get over the anger, but who knows what will happen when I see him next month- I'm probably going to freak out on him.

 

I just keep repeating to myself:

 

Time wounds all heels

 

And it helps!! 8)

 

xtine

[somanaomi]

maybe you should lay off and let him think...he'll come to you if he wants.

dont do it to yourself, it makes things worse, just let go.