I can't stop feeling angry!

[Anger]

Whatever I do this feeling keep coming back. I'm very angry and have been for many years and I can't seem to shake this feeling off. I'm not violent, in action or words, I'm responsible and I am careful of my acts, but still, everyday I feel this feeling deep inside and when I let it go it transform itself in rage.

 

I did many things with this feeling, I build up a nice career by being aggressive in my job, I build up my body by doing bodybuilding and lifting weight until exhaustion, I practice martial arts and achieved a good degree and I'm sure I wouldn't have done all of this without this feeling, but still I wonder what life would be without it, I mean feeling peace inside…

 

I think its related to my parents divorce and I'm angry with them for some reason. This happened 15 years ago though so I wonder why I still feel that. Can this be that I'm angry at myself for some hidden reason? I did put things on the table with my parents regarding the way I feel about what they did to me when I was a teen and I don't talk with my mother anymore because she couldn't take what I had to tell her. My father took it rather well and we now have a nice relationship. I know I should go consult but I wonder if anyone on this board have this too. I wasn't abused physically even if my father had an heavy end most of the time.

 

I'm a fully functional adult by the way, I have a wife and a daughter and basically I'm a nice person. I tend to be the leader in most things I do and I think I'm the dominant in my relationship but my wife goes along this rather well. I don't have issues about violence even if sometimes I have a short temper, and I have never lift a hand on anybody. Yes I fought a couple of times as a teenager but who didn't?

 

Please if anyone can relate help me out on this. I'm not really sure I want to lose my edge in life, but sooner or later I think I will want to lose this feeling to have some peace of mind.

[Knctrnl22]

I think that your dilema is unique and I think that it says that you are a passionate person. I sometimes have that problem but most of the time I am the peaceful and sad kind of person. If I were you I would just continue being who I am and go with it and just try to talk to people that are calm and see if you can catch on to that. I wouldn't worry too much about that unless you are being set off all the time than I would go to a proffesional and see what exactly is going on.

[enotjcalone]

I'm not sure if you tried meditation but if you haven't give it a try. It could really help in generating a more peaceful mind. But you gotta do it regulary for weeks and months. You'll have less unnecessary mind chatter. Proper meditation tapes could really help for beginners.

 

Also since you said you're not really sure where that anger comes from maybe during quiet contemplation you'd be able to figure out the source. Then during that time of clearer thoughts you'd more likely be able to come up with more efficient ways of processing your anger and your feelings.

 

In the meantime start repeating peace, peace, peace... repeatedly for minutes at a time nonstop whenver you feel angry. I don't know if you'd believe in this or not but it really does help.

[Avalon23199]

What I'm about to say comes from my own experience. I decided to go see a psychiatrist about my depression after my daughter was born. While going through therapy I found out that I am bi-polar. I have a very mild form. I find myself getting angry for unexplained reasons, but just like you, I have never gotten violent. I put my anger to good use by cleaning, exercising, etc. I don't know if you've ever thought about seeing a counselor for it or not, but it could help you .

[Anger]

Well I will think about meditation, but I'm not sure about this as its not really my cup of tea. I do have a lot of calm moments in my life where I think of nothing and I seem to handle stress rather well. I used self-hypnosis a couple of time and it work rather well on me but I don't really a need for it to calm myself as usually I am the calm type of person.

 

I realise that I have my "flares" mostly when I'm alone and when I let go of everything I should look like or behave like.

 

Avalon23199 you seemed to have put a finger on something for me. I've read a little bit on what being bi-polar mean and my research lead me to think that I might have something really close to it since it can be triggered by an environnemental factor (like in my case). Its a surprise to me to say the least because I have some small depressions too during the year, I'm so used to them that I recognize them for what they are and dismiss them as being normal. I don't have the major negative symptoms tho so it might be something similar to the mild form of it.

 

I will now definitly go consult a psychiatrist as understanding and knowledge is applied power.

 

Thanks a lot for this.

[Anger]

Wow, this is scary...

 

This bi-polar issue could explain so much, as to why I'm so paranoiac and as to why I cut myself so badly when I was a teen, why I have this feeling I'm never safe, need to lock every door, can't stand to have my back turned to a door. I have this story running in my head, and it was always there, picturing me as someone else (way to much imagination). All m All the depressions I had, one who was severe 1 year ago and that I got out of by myself without medication, 3 suicide attempt when I was younger...

 

What amaze me is the fact that I got out of this about 5 years ago and that I now have a very normal life with maybe having a mental illness such as this one.

 

Hehe, like I said this is scary.