Question about rebound relationships...

[InLoveAndConfused]

My original story can be found at link removed

 

Im not even sure if this is even considered a rebound relationship. The main reason we broke up is because she had feelings for another guy. 4 days after we broke up, she started to date him. From what I can see, it seems like she really likes him. But, what are the odds of a relationship working that was started 4 days after a two year relationship ended? I mean, does it just seem like she likes him so much because he's different and she can try new things? Once this "newness" wears off, do you think she would regret it or something? I mean, we werent really fighting when we broke up, everything seemed perfect the day before. I guess what I am trying to ask is.... do you think I would have a chance at getting back with her? Also, what are the odds her relationship will last?

[bexcelant]

Mix, I hate to burst your bubble but you are making it into a formula. You have good points but people do things for many reasons. We can't make a formula out of it and in reality, anything is possible. Maybe they come back and maybe they don't. It's up to a higher power. I have known many women who have dated a guy, broken up and gone out with another only to go back to the first one. Or maybe it's a friendship that didn't go anywhere and they dated other guys only to realize that their friend was the best thing that ever happened to them. Often times it dating is like a marathon. Whoever is left standing at the end wins the race.

[majord23]

It all depends on the individual.

I have rebounded before and the relationships have barely lasted past a month.

My ex rebounded with me and we were together on/off for 2 years and she rebounded onto another guy and they have been together for almost 2 years. There is no set rule, no way to predict and it's impossible to use another person's situation to give yourself false hope.

 

Some people can jump from long-term relationship whilst others can't....and even if someone has a history of not having 'successful' rebounds, it doesn't mean their next one won't last.

[InLoveAndConfused]

Yea, I kinda figured it would be kind of difficult to figure it out. I just wanted to hear what other people had to say about rebound relationships.

 

Thanks

[Mix Maxster]

Bexcelant,

 

I didn't think I was putting it into so much of a formula like you suggest. My rationale is that when you think about it you either love someone, stopped loving someone or you never did love that person. Unless I'm missing another aspect?

 

What I was trying to say though is that if they DID in fact love you, then at what point did they stop loving you, that's where you have to ask yourself WHY they did. The next aspect is the fact that if they loved you once they can love you again, but there's something preventing them from doing it. Either they want to try something new, they're unsure if you're the one so they find someone else to make sure, sometimes they can't justify the way you act and behave as someone they want to be with or whatever else it takes.

 

Anything YOU HAVE done to make them want to leave should be your focus to IMPROVE upon that, that's something that's WITHIN YOUR CONTROL. Now if she's dating others to check what else is out there and to judge who she wants and to make sure she's making the right decision, then let her make those decisions. No one is stopping you from dating other women and no one should prevent you either.

 

I'm saying that it's possible, but there's different sides and angles to it which is why getting back together probably isn't a possibility now, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't happen in the future. Allow yourself to be used and abused by your ex by clinging on to them and they won't have respect for you, but if you maintain an independence AWAY from them and can manage to be there for them on your own then it's respectful.

 

Regardless, if you know someone who is busy and doing their own thing and is loyal to you, you don't think of them as being a person who can't be one second away from you as opposed to someone ALWAYS phoning like every day to ask what you want to do and talking to you like 24/7. If you have a life, people respect when you take time out of it to be with them.

 

Now I'm getting away from my original point, it comes down to the fact that the only thing you are in control of is yourself. You can't control her or her feelings or her reactions or who she dates or anything SHE DOES for her good. You can't control that, what you CAN control however is how you act around her, how you control your emotions, how confident you look, how your appearance is, how busy you keep yourself, what you do to improve yourself and MANY other things you can do to be more desireable. HOWEVER DO NOT get this confused AS A MEANS TO GET THEM BACK, by all means DO NOT think self-improvement is a good way. It's not, but it at LEAST insures that if they had problems with you in the past that they won't weigh that on their decision when they realize you're different and not that old guy that turned them off.

 

Make sense?

[Mix Maxster]

Ya exactly edudlooc13,

 

You don't win them back by being undesireable to them, or turning them off like you did in the past. If you did something to turn them off or they felt like you were too emotional or whatever, then it will make it hard for them to make the chance if they want to come back.

 

More or less you can't change who you are, but you can change certain aspects of yourself. Whether it's your style, the amount of effort you put into your work, the amount of effort you put into your appearance, the way you react to a given situation, how you talk with people, etc. When you can look at yourself and analyse parts that you're unhappy with, then you can change that for the better.

 

Being the BEST version of you that you can be will make it THAT much easier for your ex to come back WHEN they want to come back. The key thing to realize here is that it's not about doing this to get them back, it's about doing it to be the best most desireable version of you you can be. Being the best you can be and not holding back.

 

The thing that cannot be changed more or less is your ex coming back or if they do, when. That just happens over time, BUT would you be willing to take on the opportunity if it came around? I know at this present moment I don't expect it to happen and I treat EVERYTHING like my ex isn't coming back, but yet I still am changing myself for the better and if she did come around I'd be strongly willing to make it work a second time.

 

And that's just it, it's not a case of when and how they come back... but if they DID try and come back, would they want someone they grew to hate? Or do they want someone that makes them go "I made a HUGE mistake giving up on you and I'm happy coming back to you was the right choice." And before you say to yourself "isn't that selfish?" or "isn't that just giving them what they want? And that's why you could easily say yes, but then I ASK couldn't it have ended up the same with a different woman? Maybe we need to learn the proper way of dating and having a relationship with someone, think about that.

 

Not trying to suggest we have "issues" or "problems" but when you think about it, maybe there's some truth to it.

[InLoveAndConfused]

I just thought I would post a little update to my situation.

 

After being broken up for two weeks, her rebound relationship failed and we are now back together. We seem a lot closer than ever before. Things seem to be working out. Its kind of like that quote "You never realize how much you love someone until their gone", and thats pretty much how we both felt.

 

Thanks for the responses.

[Hannibal]

Be careful of that my friend.

 

It is true that when we lose something we always want it more then when we had it. However this can backfire on you.

 

Keep your guard up on this one, don't accept her feelings so easily at this point.

[InLoveAndConfused]

I know. Were talking things out and making sure we can work out whatever problems we had.