mtski Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 so we have been broken up for almost 5 months and hes in another country. i had met this guy (mutual friends of some of my friends) and we actually talked about my ex. fast forward a few months later, he asked for my number and is now telling me how beautiful he thinks i am and wants to meet for drinks. im a little torn. i dont know how close he is with my ex, i mean not close enough where i had ever met him before. im not 100% over my ex and im not trying to make him think im doing this on purpose. but at the same time, hes the one that left and told me to move on. i guess im just scared that if i start talking to this guy i am closing the door for any chance for us in the future when he does come home. do you think whats meant to be will be and go with the flow? Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 Don't date anybody until you are over your ex. Link to comment
mtski Posted December 3, 2012 Author Share Posted December 3, 2012 i agree.... and i have no idea how long that will take. but something is telling me its definitely a nail in the coffin if i go out with this guy even if i was over my ex. not that im holding on and hoping but i kinda have a feeling about my ex. im just thinking its a bad idea but i wanted to see what others thought. Link to comment
Abigaelle Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 I dont know on a scale of 100 , how much you are over your ex. but if its more than 70, go at least on one day with him, just see how you feel around him, how it goes. Thats what I would do. But if you think going with this new guy makes you think about your ex all the time...just let it go. You are young, you will have other opportunities. Link to comment
mtski Posted December 3, 2012 Author Share Posted December 3, 2012 i didn't think of it that way, but yea.... it probably will remind me of my ex. thats no good when im trying to ride my mind of him. i feel like all the while i will be wondering if he knows that i went out with him or that we are talking.... just not where im tryin to be Link to comment
buddha55 Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 are you even interested in this guy? and yes, it doesn't sound like youre over your ex.... so maybe try to get distracted by another available man who doesn't seem to be so close to your ex. Also, what are the friends intentions? you might have a potential relationship and see his intentions if he is still interested in a few months. Link to comment
Lambert Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 I say, try to meet someone completely separate from your group with your ex. Some things are just too close and too dramatic to lead to a healthy happy relationship. I mean sure, there is always the exception but that's rare. Link to comment
mtski Posted December 3, 2012 Author Share Posted December 3, 2012 im not sure but a mutual friend of ours (male) also thought it was weird that he would ask me out. i feel like it could be a conquest thing. i dont want to be past around a friend circle. i just feel it would be inviting drama into my life. i was slightly attracted to him until i realized that hes friends with my ex and when i did ask him how good of friends they are he said decent to be honest. Link to comment
PH88 Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 im not sure but a mutual friend of ours (male) also thought it was weird that he would ask me out. i feel like it could be a conquest thing. i dont want to be past around a friend circle. i just feel it would be inviting drama into my life. i was slightly attracted to him until i realized that hes friends with my ex and when i did ask him how good of friends they are he said decent to be honest. I would refrain from dating him. First, you aren't over your ex so that's a good reason. It will only hurt you more in the long run anyways. And secondly, you said it best, too much drama involved in dating the friend circle. My good friend's ex left him for his best friend and we found out later that she was cheating on him with another good friend. Not to say you're that kind of person at all, but seeing their reactions and how dating mutual friends can ruin friendships first hand, it's just not a good situation to be a part of, for you or your ex. Link to comment
Limiya Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 Hey Mtski, I don't think it's a good idea to go out with this guy. Got a funny feeling about it. I think it would be good to date men away from the circle as was said above. And if he says he's a 'decent' friend of your exes, then he shouldn't really be asking you out should he? Especially behind your exes back. Somethin fishy about that. Anyway, if it helps, within a month of my ex leaving me for another woman, one of his GOOD friends called me to offer his condolences. I thought it was a bit strange because i NEVER get calls from this guy before. Anyway, he said he'd heard we broke up etc, and said that one of the days he'd like me to come over and visit and he would cook for me. I was taken aback of course, because this isn't right in my book. I never took him up on his offer. Just be careful. Limiya Link to comment
mixhot Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 OP you sound like a decent person, with the right moral compass. im sure you will make the right choice!! oh and great replies by the way, its also great to see people who think dating your exs friend//circles is a bad idea.. TOP REPLIES Link to comment
mtski Posted December 4, 2012 Author Share Posted December 4, 2012 its not my style to date friends. i have enough respect for myself and for him that i dont want to do that to him. i wouldnt want him to do that to me and i know he cares for me enough that he would never do that to me. after speaking with a mutual friend, she told me they are actually really good friends and she was disturbed that he would do such a thing. so now im even more disturbed because i thought it was more of an acquaintance but she said no. shes a pretty free spirit and does what she wants if it makes her happy, so for her to think it was wrong.... really made me realize how much it would hurt him and how close they are. i think shes more appauled that he would do that to him, and i think so was i after the initial shock. Link to comment
jwhite Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Just from reading the orginal post and your responses, it sounds like you are more than considering it. You are heading into dangerous ground. If revenge is what you seek, than by all means do it for that reason alone. Know that you will hurt your ex beyond belief and it will ruin their friendship for years to come. Either way, you will not feel good about yourself. I say keep NC and heal. Always date outside the circle Link to comment
mtski Posted December 4, 2012 Author Share Posted December 4, 2012 agreed. i didnt realize how good of friends they were i guess. i dont know why i even considered it. but youre right, if i did consider it for a second it was not for the right reasons. guess i needed to be reminded of that i am a good person and the fact that i even considered it was poor judgement Link to comment
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