Workaholic or commitment phobic or just not that into me?

[Surfergrl]

Hi, there!

 

I would really appreciate Your opinion...

It's almost a year in this relationship. But recently it's becoming more of a difficult situation than a relationship. I'm 26 and my man is 35, he has a job and also runs his own business, he does travel a lot.

At the beginning it was all perfect, it seemed that I met my soul mate(aah.. yeah I know..). We met each other 3-4 times a week. Of course I noticed from the beginning that it was tough, he looked at his phone quite often(ok, not the first 2 or 3 dates) and was constantly replying text msgs and checking email. But still after 3 months dating we went together on a vacation on a beautiful island, there I met his best friend with his wife and it seemed that he's not commitment phobic, cause introducing me to his best friend I think is a big deal. It's after the vacation it became strange. We started to see each other 2 a week. He was unable to attend my birthday party, because he had to work. And then the meeting part started to decrease dramatically. And recently it was like almost 2 months without meeting, all the time he canceled dates due to work(even late night or holidays). Of course I asked him what's wrong and he says it's all work and that he's workaholic, he agreed that he needs help and it isn't healthy. I believe him because when we meet his phone rings almost every 5 mins. He also said that he wants as to be together and will do what he can.

The problem is - I haven't met any of his other friends nor his family. And the other thing of course is when we meet as it was last time on Friday evening it all goes down to physical things and sex. It gives me the feeling being used just for sex. On the other hand if he really does have so little time for us we have to spend it as good as we can. And when we are together though it seems it's meant to be. I still think he might be my soul mate.

So, what do You think - workaholic or commitment phobic or just not that into me?

[laninaperdida]

Your relationship can't progress *all* the time.

Sometimes, it needs to take a step backward or just coast.

I wouldn't worry about him not having as much time for you now as he did then because work is very important to a man.

 

What has me concerned is that he didn't make it to your birthday!

I don't think I could tolerate this.

This is also when he started to really pull back.

I gotta wonder if he didn't use your birthday as a way out?

I mean, couples spend birthdays together!

If he couldn't make it *that* day why hasn't he scheduled something belated?

Workaholics are extremely organized so this shouldn't have been a problem.

 

TBH, it sounds like he's a workaholic, not interested in being committed 100% & his desire to see you has decreased.

I wouldn't exit the relationship because of these things, however.

Like I said, it can't be amazing all the time.

I suggest you get a personal goal for the next 3 months that will take up most of your time & re revaluate after.

But you need to try to give him a break (for now & only now) or it really will end.

I'm not saying let him get away with no spending any time with you, but try to accept the overall relationship status & see if a little bit of time will help.

Nagging him to call you or make a date won't help.

 

GL.

This is a *really* tough time of the year to be going through an uncertainty patch.

[nutbrownhare]

Whether he's a workaholic or commitment phobic or just not that into you is completely academic - he doesn't have enough time for the kind of relationship that you would like, and this is not likely to change. He could be madly in love with you, he could be using you as a booty call, but the result is the same... you went for nearly two months without meeting.

 

I had a relationship like this years ago, but I was getting over a marital breakdown and several other traumatic events, and I didn't want a relationship with somebody making emotional demands or demands on my time, and for a couple of years it worked very well. But once time worked its magic and I wanted more from him, I realised very quickly that this was just not going to happen; there were several other guys who were interested in me and I left him for one of them.

I ended it calmly, and it was all very civilised. But I've never, for a minute, regretted ending it even though he's a great guy, all the rest.

 

He just didn't have time for the sort of relationship I was hoping for.

[happpybear]

he agreed that he needs help and it isn't healthy.

 

I know a lot of committment phobes who use the workaholic excuse to explain their committment phobia. Some dont even realize they are CP. So, this is the way i see it, He is putting his own life (work) before you just about all the time, and when he does see you, it is basically a glorified booty-call. You guys have talked about it too, and he still hasn't changed...

 

soooo, is this working for YOU? who cares about him or what he is doing, think about WHAT YOU WANT. A part-time BF/FwB? cause that is what it sounds like you are getting. If that is what you want, then ok, all yours.

 

but if not, and i suspect not otherwise you would not be posting, then end it and find a guy that actually wants, and can sustain a healthy relationship.