am i changing? or is it them?

[trying_to_move_on]

hey! ok i have many groups of friends but there is a main group of ppl that i hang around with but things just dont seem to be the same! We all kinda started to ahng around over the summer! i and i had a brilliant time i started to see one of the guys but that went horribly wrong an now he has a new girlfriend so im pretty gutted about that! The group does most things together but there was a kind of new comer to the group at the beginning of the summer which was fine with us! but now i have started to realise that she has more authority over the group now than any of us! she doesnt let me or my other friends text eachother of somethin is being organised it all has to go through her! it wasnt obvious at first until one of my friends pointed it out to me! but this girl seems to mess about the guys in the group she used to see one of them adn just recently broke up with him and is messin everything up for the group coz all we seem to do now is argue! i mean i am still tryin to come to trems with my ex and his new gf who is now "part of the group"! i dont know i just dont seem to stop myself from getting worked up about it! is it my problem or hers?

 

please help me understand

xxx

[Jitrenda]

Hey there hunny!!!

 

okay well you know what...the problem is hers. The girl you describe...i had a friend like that...she was actually my best friend...and then she back stabbed me. And she "exiled" me from the group. She had a lot of power with my friends in high school.

 

I always thought the problem was me...but i found out later...it was her. It turns out she was jealous of me...i had something she didn't have. My friends don't talk with her anymore (we've all graduated). And eventually my friends exiled her from the group believe it or not...b/c they all grew up and moved on with their lives. She just stayed the same and didn't mature. I heard she is still the same.

 

So don't worry...it's not your problem...whatever she tells you or does...it's not your problem. It's HERS. and hers alone...she may have a bad family life and how she acts around you and your friends...that's just how she deals with it...you never know.

 

i hope this helps you hon.

 

*hugs*

 

jitrenda

[Sexychiick16]

been in a similar situation...

 

Its def her problem...

[Scout]

Ok, what is happening is that a new Queen Bee is trying to take over the hive. It sounds like you, and at least one other person (your friend who pointed it out) isn't too crazy about this.

 

My suggestion is the next time she gets bossy about who texts who, agree with your friend that one of you will speak up about it, and the other will immediately back the other up. If it was just one of you objecting, she might walk all over you, but two at once should shut her up. You might want to rally some of your other friends to the cause, too.

 

She doesn't sound like a cool person at all - bossy people rarely are.

[Celadon]

Yeah, I think Scout has some really good advice.

 

I had a "friend" like this in high school. She was such a diva. And she would do subtle things to make sure I didn't get attention (and when I did, she would make herself part of the picture). It really bugged me, so I totally know how you feel about this.

 

It's too easy to become isolated in this situation, so you have to work your relationships with the others in the group -- both guys and gals. Probably with the gals is easiest, though.

 

Stick up for yourself and try to get some of the power away from her. Not by being mean or rude or backstabbing, but just by doing things that are good for the group and involve YOU. Like, throw a party and make sure you and your friends are the ones organizing it, not her.

 

Or, talk about yourself more. I know, that sounds self-centered, but I've noticed that people need to know something about you in order to give you attention. They're usually not going to ask you questions (sad though that is!). Make it easy for them to joke around with you or pay you some attention.

 

I think I'm rambling now ... but anyway -- I know what you mean, and it's definitely HER problem. My advice is to not let her be a hog. Hope this helps.

[trying_to_move_on]

hi guys thanks so much you all gave brilliant advice! ive already taken them into use by organising a get together at my house and made sure that its all my ideas! if you want soemthing done properly do it yourself as my dad always used to say! im going to make sure she does not make any of my friendships weaker (well ill try) and make sure that my friends all hold eachother with the equal respect for each ther as they should rather than idolising single persons!

 

thanks again

luv ttmo

xxx

[Scout]

You're welcome! And good for you for being proactive.