emotionally unstable in relationships

[xCx]

Hi i'm not sure if this is the right place to post, as it is more of a 'me' issue than an 'us' issue but here it is.

 

I'm 19, my boyfriend (24) and I started dating just over 2 months ago. We are exclusive, i enjoy spending time with him, and no significant issues have come up. I've been in 2 other serious relationships with no break in between (1 &1/2 years and 9months). I have never been cheated on, abused, or anything other than loved to excess.

& yet, this issue has been present in every relationship, and till i find a way to correct it i expect it will persist: i am so hypersensitive to non-existant rejection in relationships that it makes me emotionally unstable

 

in this newest relationship, every week i go through the thought process of really wanting to end it. and then i'll constantly switch back and forth in regards to that until i see him in person again (i don't tell him about wanting to break it off, it's 100% internalized). When we're actually together i'm happy in the relationship.

 

I seem incapable of being in a relationship w/out feeling emotionally unstable b/c i am hyper sensitive to any sign of perceived rejection.

For example: he dropped me off around 1pm on a sunday after spending saturday evening and night with me and i felt so rejected because he didn't want to spend the day with me (he had to go do errands).

i KNOW that's not reasonable so of course i didn't let him know it bothered me, but i felt so drained and stressed and emotionally out of it for the next 24 hours because all my energy goes in to then trying to calm myself down, change my thinking, etc.

 

It's absolutely ridiculous and feeling this way is a regular weekly experience because i am so unjustifiably set off by issues that don't even exist beyond my own mind, and trying to constantly manage my own mind is leaving me depleted of energy.

 

So a) i KNOW he is not the issue and have not been taking this out on him or even mentioned it. i know i would be feeling this way regardless of who I am with.

and b) i just don't understand why i'm so oversensitive to perceived rejection even though there is absolutely no basis for it and never has been (i come from a wonderful home life to btw, i have the best parents who are also very happily married)

 

any ideas would be much appreciated, i really want to fix this in myself.

 

& for the record, yes i definitely do have a life outside of him. i'm in university - working hard & getting high grades, I have a part time job, i workout regularly and i've got a great group of girlfriends who i always spend quality time with. I'm a happy person with a wonderful life, but my problem is that romantic relationships bring out severely heightened emotional instability in me.

[FrustratedAtMe]

You're good for admitting there's an issue. I'd suggest going to therapy. A therapist can help you come to the root cause of your insecurities. You'll be amazed at what you remember about your childhood that your subconscious blocks for you - it's those things that make us "crazy" and "irrational." What helps me is good talk therapy and of course medications. If talk therapy alone works for you, that's great. I just have other issues that make meds a necessity.

[soaloner]

That sounds really painful...

[xCx]

Thanks for the input, I have been in talk therapy before but it doesn't seem to be a good fit for me as I just disconnect from my emotions when around other people. I appreciate the suggestion though

[labja]

Of all you said, I can relate... I've no idea what it is. do you know now?

[ssgirl1010]

xCx - I know exactly how you feel because I have experienced the same thing in my previous relationships.

 

Separating from him causes me huge anxiety. I feel like I am going crazy. I start to panic. I get worried and anxious. I wonder if he still really likes me. I wonder why he doesn't want to be with me the entire day and night. But when we are together, everything is fine. We are happy and laughing and joking.

 

I have come to learn that I have separation anxiety - and, I know I have issues related to abandonment.