Backstabbing friends

[bnybrain]

I have this really really really really close cousin that I have been best friends with since childhood. Except there have always been issues between us... This is pretty lame, but she's my ONLY friend. We have a lot of our classes together and my course load is pretty tough, I can forget about socializing right now. I don't think she wants to be friends anymore. This is hard for me to handle because she's my only source of friendship. She's rude to me when everything is fine, snaps, and personally I think she has some issues with jeolousy. I always stuck around because I assume that these responses from her would cease as we grow. However, they only seem to be worsening.

 

I just broke up with my boyfriend and she has a boyfriend whom she studies with as well. I was kind of leaning on her as a support system to get over my ex (which is a must). And I don't mean nagging her- oh no- on the contrary Im only referring to a chit-chat type of relationship, just to have someone around here and there. She doesn't even want that. She keeps doing things to let me know that she doesn't really want me around. When I confront her and ask her questions like, "why did you snap at me?" her reply is "I was tired." But the weird thing is that she is SOO nice to everybody else. I don't want to be her punching bag when she's stressed out or whatever. After she feeds me her reply she adds, "ooh, but you can still hang out with me."

 

This is pretty tough for me to handle because, in truth, I really needed someone to hang around with during school. You guys don't understand my situation: I have dug myself into a hole by not having time to make friends. So when I am at school, I'm there for 10 hours, I eat lunch alone, I study alone, I eat dinner alone! And she's right around the corner in the other side of the building, way out of my reach. I get pretty lonely like this. I can't study at home because my family is too much fun to be around with and I need to cram all the time!!!!

 

What do I do? Is it bad that I am alone all the time, because basically the only person I know doesn't want me around anymore. And I shouldn't lower my standards by hanging around someone that mistreats me just because I am vulnerable right now, et cetera.

 

This whole situation is rotten. Mainly because she would never get this type of treatment from me- ever, and that's a fact. Its just that when Im alone like this I feel like the whole world is moving at such a faster speed than I...

 

Hannah

[sisterlynch]

Can you ask your mom to ask her mom to talk to her?

 

Or maybe your own mom could do it, call her up and explain that you have been attempting too much lately and you are feeling exhausted from studying too much.

 

She needs to develop empathy, which is a feeling that you are mistreating others. She knows that she is acting horrible and I am sure that she is feeling guilty.

 

Don't expect a whole lot from her, just once in a while. she shouldn't be that tied down by the guy that she never has any time for you.

 

Maybe there are some other kids at school that are tired of being alone, and are longing for companionship.

[usied]

she should def be sticking by you but is not ..i have had this happen time and again with people, but this is family...not cool at all! boys and friends may come and go but you two will always be linked...so basically its shady of her to act this way ..wait til her bf breaks up with her...BUT you def need to make friends...your sanity should be right up there with your school work im sure you can afford time for that

[GrayBlueEyes]

She keeps doing things to let me know that she doesn't really want me around. When I confront her and ask her questions like, "why did you snap at me?" her reply is "I was tired." But the weird thing is that she is SOO nice to everybody else. I don't want to be her punching bag when she's stressed out or whatever. After she feeds me her reply she adds, "ooh, but you can still hang out with me."

 

Gosh, how delightfully passive-aggressive. She sounds like a lot of fun.

 

Seriously, I would confront her and ask her straight-up if she wants to be friends. She doesn't have issues with jealousy, she has issues with YOU. especially seeing as she is so nice to everyone else. If she answers anything other than "yes", then let her go.

 

Go out and make some new friends, ones that appreciate your company and don't feel the need to play games.

[DBL]

Friends come and go, even if they are family. I went through the same thing a few months back when my wife split. I lived with my best friend. He would ignore me and lie to me so he didn't have to ask me to hang out with him. He would have BBQ's and not invite me. A couple of times he invited me, and I would come out and everyone would be eating and there would be nothing for me. I done a lot for my friend, and never expected this. However I have to look at the big picture...if my friend can not be there for me when I needed him, then I don't need that kind of friend.

 

There is a saying "True friends are there when you need them and when you don't need them."

[Venturer]

I know whats it like to be alone all the time, but it's better being alone than sticking with a best friend who's been treating you like this. She isn't being there for you, and when you try to reach out to her, she cuts you down.

 

Obviously we don't know why she is doing this, and you can ask her to find out. But you did that already, and she wouldn't give you a straight answer.. yet she goes "but you can still hang out with me." I guess next time she says that, you can be like "no, if you're gonna treat me like this, I'm not going to hang out with you." That might get her to re-think her ways. If that doesn't help, you might want to find new friends. Yeah I know it sucks because you guys were best friends and cousins...

[bnybrain]

Thank You to Everybody. I wasn't expecting such speedy responses and such helpful ones.

 

Sisterlynch Thanx, that was an honest evaluation. My mom has been made aware of this for a while (since she has really been acting on her attitude). She has talked to her, but nothing has been accomplished by this. In fact, Im getting the vibe that my mom doesn't want me to be around her anymore... I will take your advice though. I will try to socialize . . . been trying to lately and surprised to find people are actually very receptive to me. So the dread is minimized here!

 

Usied It's funny that you should mention when she breaks up with her boyfriend and if I will be there for her! Hah! I have quite a story for you: A ago, when she broke up with her boyfriend, I was just starting to date my present ex-boyfriend. We were fresh in the relationship and wanted to spend all our time together. But I always put her first and my boyfriend (at the time) understood this, I think he even expected me to be so considerate of my family. I studied with her everyday, so she had a place at the university to study to hand out, people to chat with (just to get her mind off of her situation). Now, with her current boyfriend, she has actually made some really cool friends (b/c her councilor instructed this). She has made enough time for them, having no problem/issues with her friends. Can it really be that easy for someone to forget what they went through only a year ago- talk about a lack of empathy (as sisterlynch referred).

 

DBL It is for the very same unfortunate and unfair example, which you have explained to us, that I have been reluctant, if not busy, to even fancy the idea of having "friends." I'm sorry that had to happen to you, he was probably afraid you'd steal the party! Insecure idiot!

 

Venturer I am starting to think that it IS better, for now (because I WILL make friends than to be around that. All I know is that I had a smile on my face and her insult wiped it off. Why my only friend is intentionally being disease-filled, I don't think I want to ever know...

 

Hannah

 

P.S. Do you guys like my new photo? Everybody seemed to have my last one. I'd be browsing through threads and be like, "I don't remember posting this!"

[bnybrain]

Seriously, I would confront her and ask her straight-up if she wants to be friends. She doesn't have issues with jealousy, she has issues with YOU. especially seeing as she is so nice to everyone else. If she answers anything other than "yes", then let her go.

 

Your words are spoken so well. Thank you. I did confront her. This is so sad, but this time I asked for an apology (which I should have been doing all along). If she was a friend, I would smoke her. But she's my cousin, used to be like a sister to me. I guess all I need is permission to smoke her and get on with it. Not associate with her. Because, by the way, here's the pattern of events: We are friends, she snaps (twitching at this point, haha), I get hurt (not even MAD), she apologies, I forgive her, we become friends, she snaps, I get hurt, . . . . . . . .you get the picture!? Its like a broken record with this girl. Maybe part of the reason I don't have any friends is because I was too consumed in a friendship with her. What do you think, sigh of annoyance.

 

Hannah