Getting closer...

[DearLDG]

I fully understand heartache pain...I'm dealing with it right now...after 2 months I've accepted it but not without suicide thoughts (which are normal in the panic stage)...but I fought those thoughts. I told myself over and over that some people are dying of cancer ( my Dad was one of them), some people are starving and abused, some people are handicapped....and I want to kill myself bc one person in this entire world doesn't want to be with me? Does that make sense to end your life bc of that?? I work with seniors and I have people in my building who watched their friends get shot to death in Nazi Germany....people whose husbands died in the war or of cancer or dumped them! They survived these turmoils and some are in their 90's...for me to kill myself would be selfish and cowardly. Sorry but that is reality. God gave you life "John" and for whatever reason you see not worthy to live, Change your perception...and if that doesn't work there are shrinks and therapists everywhere.

[buddha55]

these threads are such pity parties. I'm betting less than 5 percent of people on the site are qualified to help with someone who is actually suicidal. They should remove this forum.

[-John-]

...let's stop with the insults.

 

...

 

If you have had none stop pain for 7 years then suicide is the cowards option...

 

I'll give you a moment to re-read that if necessary. That is why I responded the way I did to pl3asehelp's post -- because I could sense the whole "it's not all about you" thing, which he began, would eventually devolve into someone trotting out the biggest cliche (and insult) of them all: that I am a coward. So thanks for proving me right.

 

And hell, maybe I am a coward. But it's not because I have decided to end my life. I was a coward when I gave up on life seven years ago. I was a coward when I wasted every opportunity I ever had because I wasn't strong enough to fight. If ending my life is a cowardly act, then it's not the first one I will have done.

 

@lobster555:

 

I could do that. Make a list. I have made such lists before. I am tired of making lists. I used to be on antidepressants. I used to see therapists. Like I said, I used to have hope. So, yes, I did all those things. There was even a short time, a couple of years ago, where I tried to pick myself up and reclaim something of my lost potential -- and I failed. I am right back where I was. Some things can't be fixed. Some things are irredeemably broken. My mind is so tortured all the time from the waste of everything. I'm not fit to be here.

[-John-]

these threads are such pity parties. I'm betting less than 5 percent of people on the site are qualified to help with someone who is actually suicidal. They should remove this forum.

 

You know what? You're right. 100%. This will be my last post. Since I'm boring you with my "pity party" (looking over things, it' hard to dispute your characterization), I won't post here anymore.

 

Goodbye.

[DearLDG]

Why don't you go visit a sick children's hospital where they are dying of CANCER?? If you can't learn to appreciate your life after seeing that and if you don't want to help yourself then I'm not sure how an online support can help? Cliches are cliches bc thay have proven time and time again THAT THEY WORK AND ARE TRUE!

[buddha55]

Wasn't meant in an offensive way. Just seems very futile and at a point does become a pity party when it is obvious that it IS futile. I wish you all the best.

[mwqtr45]

 

@lobster555:

 

I could do that. Make a list. I have made such lists before. I am tired of making lists. I used to be on antidepressants. I used to see therapists. Like I said, I used to have hope. So, yes, I did all those things. There was even a short time, a couple of years ago, where I tried to pick myself up and reclaim something of my lost potential -- and I failed. I am right back where I was. Some things can't be fixed. Some things are irredeemably broken. My mind is so tortured all the time from the waste of everything. I'm not fit to be here.

 

I hate making lists too! But it would be a good way for me and others to see what's been going on and try to help you out. You have 357 posts, I've skimmed through a whole bunch but a list would be helpful for me to have some sort of understanding of you. I really hope that wasn't your last post. Others are probably taking what you are saying personally but they're not really understanding the mental heaviness you feel right now.

 

@buddha55 And I agree that not a lot of people on these forums are well-equipped to help those who are suicidal but I think it's fantastic that there is an outlet for others. You never know when it could help someone out. My first post on ENotAlone was listed under suicide and I was seriously thinking of going through with it. Some of the comments helped me, and they helped me to push forward and be willing to talk to others about my problems. So I think that the suicide forum should still exist.

 

And to the person from Edmonton: I don't think it's appropriate to be telling a suicidal person that they should go to a children's hospital. That may not make them feel better. I've always secretly wanted to die from cancer at a young age. A week ago I got a letter from my doctor and he said that I was at high risk of developing melanoma (skin cancer) and I felt so ECSTATIC when I read that. It was unexpected and happy news. A friend of mine passed away two months ago and I remember being very jealous that he died. So...being around cancerous children isn't exactly going to make a suicidal person feel better.

[CeeLambrini]

Some of the comments helped me, and they helped me to push forward and be willing to talk to others about my problems. So I think that the suicide forum should still exist

 

Yes I'm fully for this forum. What I'm not fully for is that when people take the time to help out someone who is blatantly calling out for help, to then have it thrown back in their face and insulted for it is when people give up, or don't know what to do. It's obvious here there is absolutely nothing anyone can say or do right in the OP's opinion. Maybe someone who is more qualified would know what to say. All we can say is, look - you've spiraled down a dark hole here, take my hand and I'll pull you up. If John cannot take my hand, or others' hands then he will stay spiraling. Picking things out of peoples messages that he thinks are negative and concentrating on just the sentences that insult him will not help. The fact is, no one on here knows you, yet they still don't want you to die.

Yes, John you found what could be seen as a paradox in my message. Do you care about anything else that I wrote? Obviously not. I've written three times now on this forum, all more than one sentence, all with my full concentration, my heart and soul goes into every post I make. Does that matter to you? Probably not. I've said all I have to say and so have other people. Some go the sympathetic route, they coax and soothe you and tell you they understand. Others go the tough-love route - they want to shock you into realising that you would be ruining peoples lives. Some are matter-of-fact, like me. I've shared my story with you, I've told you that it's simply a state of mind that will not last forever once you get help. None of these three routes, or any in between are getting through to you. I just don't know what you want to hear right now, because nothing is good enough for you.