How do I avoid breaking a heart?

[lonelyOhio]

I'm not sure where to post this one, for it's filled with a lot of stuff...so here we go.

 

I've talked to the wife since my last post, and yet there seems to be little change. I've told her I'm tired of crying, and feeling down, and I'm just more pissed off about our problems than anything else.

How can one go nearly 10 years with the same person (as far as sexually, living with, etc) and have it deteriorate (sp?) to just roomates?

 

She says she still loves me, and I did buy her flowers as a surprise before Sweetest Day (on her day off the week of Sweetest Day) so I guess there is still hope...although there is no romance.

 

A few problems outside of that:

(*first some notes: I have come to the understanind that kissing...passionatley...with another female is considered cheating on the wife. So I admit. I have -kissed- a few women during the marriage. None have been as passionate as the one from the girl from a few years ago who is now married and we are friends.)

 

I DJ at a club. Every night I spin someone shows up near last call. Her and I have had some nice and funny conversations and she understands my situation a bit. We've kissed a few times, and it's nice, but I can't take it farther with her. I've come accross this situation only a few years ago and didn't leave the wife because deep down...way down...it felt wrong.

I've taken great pride in trying to keep a family together and not have my child (with the wife being the mother) become like my former classmates.

 

In 9th grade it seemed that I was one of maybe 3 per class that still had his mother and father together. A single family. No "step-parents".

 

So how do I:

a: try to open up the romance (or just get a response) with the wife?

b: break off the club girl without breaking her heart?

 

This weekend my friend, who's now married, whom I had a relationship with a few years ago, is coming to visit.

I'm looking forward to it for a few reasons. It's not that often we get to see each other (or she gets to see her friends period) face-to-face, and I have come to the understanding through various conversations with her that things going on in her life seem similar to mine...which is unfortunate.

 

Anyway...thanks for all your help.

At least I'm not depressed...and I've recomended this site to a co-worker who is having some...er...needing some questions answered.

 

-S

[melrich]

Do you still love your wife? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with her and only her? Are you just staying together for the children or because you think it is the right thing to do?

 

I think you have to answer these questions in your mind before you can move on. If you answer yes to the first two then there are many places for advice on how to rekindle the romance in your marriage. assuming your wife wants to save the relationship, professional counselling is the best place to start. The first thing both of you have to accept and understand is that your relationship will not last if you continue to ignore your issues with intimacy.

 

If you answer no to the first two questions and yes to the last, then you need to be decisive and end the marraige before the relationship turmns ugly. Again I would recommend you seek professional conuselling on the best way to handle this. It is important that you do the right thing and ensure that you and your wife can have at least an amicable relationship down the track for the sake of your children.

 

The worst thing you can do is to continue to ignore the issues and go on being "sort of happy". It will eventually catch up with you. Believe me I know from experience.

 

Good Luck.