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found this... pretty long and read only if interested


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How quickly one person can change your whole day, your whole outlook on life. A smile, so splendid and sweet, can brighten a man from his soul to his skin. A look from eyes that shine more brilliantly than the moon's reflection off a placid pond in the hour of complete darkness. A person, so unaware of their effect on another, stands like heaven's angels guarding the entrance to a palace from divine intuition. I crumble without this person, begin to wilt for having to hold it all back. To love, even for a mere second, is enough to fill a man with eternal happiness and satisfaction. Beauty stands before me, eyes glittering like an open sea at sunrise, hair flowing through an eternal breeze, face perked, ready to be admired by all that gaze in her direction.


Her presense is felt long after she is gone; her fragrance lingers filling all men with dreams, hopes and fantasies. She is a goddess for which many a man long to share a life with, but no man longs as much as I, no man yearns for that everlasting memory. If you were to know beauty, as I know her, you would see that her extravagant sparkle resides deep within, and overshadows her physical attractiveness. Her personality is what blinds me, what causes my breathlessness, and my tear that slowly and painfully journeys down my cheek toward the earth.


No, god himself must've blessed the individual personally, for she has a certain appeal that all others lack. Perhaps it is my mind, so tormented and wrenched that it displays the wage of this girl in everywhere I look. I am powerless under her charm, her wisdom, and her strength. No other woman, in all I've seen, can compare to this gift from the paradise above. To see what I have seen is enough to go blind and still find satisfaction in life. Her words are like a great symphony to my ears, and an immaculate warmth for my soul. At times I wish to simply run to this girl, fling my arms around her, and tell her what she means to me. If it were that easy I believe everyone would have found their soulmate, and all men would be happy. But it is not, and so I am forced to gaze upon my paradise and only mutter dreams to satisfy my mind.


My love for her extends far beyond the realm of time and reality, and I would give it to her now, unconditionally, if she would do me the great honor of accepting it. A chance is simply what I live for, a chance that we may be together, a chance that a goddess will accept a mortal, a chance that a queen will accept a peasant. I am full of sorrow because I know that I could never give this woman more than the man standing next to me. And although I would give her everything I could, it would not be enough, for she deserves a king and I am not a man of that stature. This woman is everything to me, someone I will cherish forever. She is the water from which I drink, the road for which I walk on, the clothes for which I wear, the bed for which I sleep on, the fire from which my heart is warmed. She is not simply an acquaintance nor is she merely a friend.


No, she is the greatest thing that has ever come during my lifetime. I now know why people would die in the name of love, because love is the most glorious feeling ever to arise out of human emotion. It is why so many of us have been brought to earth, to feel the companionship of another, to love and be loved in return, to spend hours upon days upon years with the one person that makes living worth while. Yes, I can see why so many spend all their days searching for love. I am truly blessed to have been able to find love at such a young age. Love is the greatest gift that anyone can receive, and so it is my duty to share my gift of love with this beauty. It would be unjust for me to keep my love from her, and I should not. Surely she will run and laugh like all the others have. I don't believe I can have my heart shattered again, and my soul would weaken to a state of utter catastrophe.


And I do believe this would be a most unbearable and devastating blow. I would rather keep my love a secret so that I may enjoy the sweet serenity of this girl while I still have time. Yes, the hour grows nearer when we will depart and journey into our futures, and the only reminence of her will be a memory of her etched into the mind. I do not know why I hesitate on telling her my feelings, why I question my own unselfish reasoning. Perhaps it is because I fear rejection from this woman, the one person who can make me smile when I am down, the one person for which I lay awake at night pondering why it is this way, the one woman who I would give my love to on a silver platter. It is this fear that drives me mad, disgusts me that I would allow this fear to take any opportunity I may have with this girl away.


Still, even now, while writing, I am uncertain whether I shall give this to her or not. It is because she is unlike anyone I have ever dealt with before, and it is scary to think how she may react. I now she does not want a "boyfriend," but that is only because she truly does not know me. I am so much more than just a "boyfriend." I am not looking for what most other men are; I treasure companionship far more than the lust love may produce. Now that's not to say that it is not a common benefit of a relationship, but there is more to value than perhaps lust alone. I would rather wake up and see her motionless, beautiful face quietly and innocently lying next to mine. I wish to cuddle, to find warmth from her steaming soul, to find comfort in lying next to her.


I wish to be there for her when she cries, to struggle through the pain that she is forced to struggle through, to hold her, and feel the steady rise of her chest, pressed against mine, to carry her accross any obstacles that she may encounter, to comfort her when she is ill, to care for her when she is sad, to let her vent all her anger upon me. I want to be there to congratulate her when she has done something great, and console her when she has done something wrong. No, she may not be perfect to others, but to me, she is more than perfect. I want to be the person she looks toward for help, for comfort, for advice, for anything. I want to ensure that she never has to feel one ounce of pain, one ounce of unhappiness, or shed one tear of sadness.


I do not believe there is anyone out there that is better for her than myself. I believe we can balance out eachother's lives, that we can complete the puzzle so many refer to as "life." I want her to be the foundation to my own success, I wish for her to be the one I base my career upon. She has no idea what she means to me, and has no idea about what I can mean to her. Given the chance I would never blow it, but idle it, and care for it as one would a newborn infant. No, I do not blame her for not wanting a "boyfriend," for I wish to not have a "girlfriend" either, but rather someone like her, who I know does not and is not bounded by the "girlfriend" protocol. When I look into her eyes I see more than simply beauty staring back at me, I see my future, in arms reach, and all I have to do is communicate this to her. I do not understand why she does not see her future, so bright, staring back at her, but I am not supposed to, for it is up to destiny to shed the light upon her soul. I only wish to push destiny a little harder, so our time together does not end before destiny has a chance to intervene.


After all, our time is precious, and if I could I would stop time forever, for I never want to fade from her life. It may be hard for anyone to comprehend this, because it is even hard for me sometimes, but I guess that is why love is not handed to you on a silver platter. Truly this is one of the most difficult tasks I have ever encountered, and yet it comes easily for I am simply pouring out my soul onto paper. It is funny to think how one can begin writing and not stop for hours. How incredible these feelings are! It is indescribable! I cherish every moment I spend with her, and although it may not be the way I wish it to be, it is still the greatest time I will ever spend. I try to suppress my feelings everyday, to ignore them and continue living the same way, but it is just too much, impossible to conceal forever. I can only imagine how much better life would be with this girl, how sweeter life would taste.


Even now, as I write today, my heart and soul are not satisfied. I cannot explain all that I am thinking and feeling, but this will have to do, for I don't think I can do much better than this. I've even watched this girl "talk" to other guys, and sat back and wondered what made them so much more desirable. Of course deep down inside I knew that they would never be able to provide her with they type of love she needs. It troubles me to this day that I neither have the ability nor want to free myself from the chains this girl has used to enslave me. She has done nothing to bring about this vivacity I have succumbed to, and yet just being she is what drives me to this irresistible emotion. I will never find an entity as great as she is, and as I venture into the desert of reality, the tortuous memory will pour out of mind with every sweat bead and tear I shed. This divine creature continues to press her mark against me, the one mesmerizing individual that becomes my deepest fantasy, and the lavish soul that shares my heart with no one.


More than ever do I feel the bitter distress of loneliness, and as I chain my heart to her, I will never consummate my quest to be hers. Even as I fall to my knees and clutch the sand between my fingers, I gaze at the everlasting angel rising above me. She is always out of my reach, and no matter how hard I strive, great time yanks me away from her radiant face. I can never stop loving her, and I will never cease to chase this one woman until I am forced to take my seat in the halls of Heaven. Her aroma staggers a little, beckoning me to run after her, but I am powerless under my bitter fear of the worst. My life with her never had the chance to bloom, and I still have a need to see if the seed endures. She is the sun of my world, the light upon my soul.


She warms my heart with every glance, and sends a shiver down my spine with every smile. She is the woman all others crave to be, the epitome of perfection. I ask anyone to bring forth a woman better than she, for undoubtedly there is not a soul on this earth that even comes close to her. Everything I do in this world is for her, and she will never know it. My fear is what keeps me from expressing this to her, and will continue to until time runs short. I cannot envision how my life will turn out, and although I dream that she will be a part of it, truly I only wish that she were still in it. For the day when she no longer is in my life, will be the day that I no longer have a life. In the end I can only wish for her to realize what I could be, and hopefully the rest will unfold from there.

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