I like another guy!

[Arif_ikth]

Hi! I'm a new member

 

I have a problem and I wonder if anyone could help me. I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years, and I never thought I would be attracted to anybody else. But about three weeks ago, I met this guy at uni and we've started to really like each other. He knew I had a boyfriend and didn't want to split us up or see anybody get hurt, so we tried to just be good friends. I know three weeks doesn't sound a lot, but we clicked straight away and it feels like we've known each other for ages.

 

I've spent a lot of time thinking about what I should do. I still love my boyfriend but I can't help having strong feelings for this other guy. Another thing is that my boyfriend lives about 5 hours away and so I don't get to see him very often during semesters, even though we talk every day.

 

Today I decided to actually do something about my situation and called my boyfriend to tell him I would like to have some space to myself for a while i.e. take a 'break' from our relationship. I know he's really upset about this and I feel so bad for hurting him. There was nothing wrong with our relationship, but it just didn't feel right to me that I should like somebody else when we're together.

 

I can see how this could end up in a really big mess with everybody getting hurt. I know it's selfish and greedy but I want to keep both of them and I just don't see how I can. Does anyone have any advice that could help me?

 

Thanks,

Arif_ikth

[aquabubbles2001]

no u did the right thing,,

I mean if u two really are perfect for each other the little break up will help rekindle it..

if not well then at least u noe now that u guys arent meant to be..

[tea]

I think you made a good decision. =D>

 

What my mother told my sis and I, is to string guys along, never clearly stating who you're dating or who you're not dating, before anything finalizes you're free to date anyways, just don't clearly state that you're bf and gf.

 

... don't carry that too far though. Once you kiss or make out it's game over and the guys will think you're together.

 

There are advantages in stringing guys along... you're free to go out on dates and express your feelings for him... because you're not yet his girlfriend he will actually make an attempt to make possible relationship work... so it means lots of fun and romance for the girl, but without the drama in relationships.

 

Be just friends with both sides for now? Have fun, play, date, and slowly reach your answer. If you like both of them, just go on dates with both of them... you have to make sure they know you guys aren't finalized and you're both still in the free dating zone.

[hurtbylove]

I don't ever believe it is right to string multiple people along at the same time.

 

What if they ask if you are seeing other people? Do you tell your partner what you are doing? Or do you lie to them?

 

It is fair if your boyfriend suddenly took a break from you to go investigate a new girl he liked? To put you on hold and have fun with someone else? What happened to commitment?

 

Tea, she has been with her boyfriend for 2 years, Arif_ikth has a boyfriend. As long as you are willing accept the consequences of your actions, such as your boyfriend being resentful, or possibly never coming back, then go ahead.

 

I just really dislike game playing when the feelings that people have are genuine. I'm sorry, but after 2 years, you are NOT in the free dating zone.

[Avasky]

I've always thought that when a person starts thinking about dating another person, after being with a person for a long period of time, that maybe its time to move along. If your thinking about other people, shouldn't that be a hint?

[sunfirechick]

Hi there,

 

I know how hard it is to be apart from your boyfriend, and you can't change how you feel about this other guy. However, I think that after two years together, you owe him the truth. He is probably very confused as to "what the hell just happened" and you need to tell him what this is about.

 

If you are having doubts about the relationship and want to see other people, it's not fair to let him wait for you like that while you're off with this guy. Maybe he should be dating other girls, but isn't because he wants to get back together.

 

Sorry, I just think that it's always best to be completely honest in these situations, people end up just a little less hurt, that's all.

 

Good luck.

[aquabubbles2001]

obviously be honest in the relationship and tell him that u prob wanna see other poeple for now.. but seriously it doesnt matter how many years uve been with him if u dont have feelings for him anymore u still have the right to break it off.. as long as u tell him honestly why..

[Phil]

hmm, this is tricky. you've been with your BF for 2 years yet you meet another guy and wish to put your relationship on "hold" even though you've only known this guy for 3 weeks.

 

While i don't approve of your actions especially if the guy you were with for 2 years hasn't done anything wrong. But my simple philosophy is 1 girl with 1 guy and visa versa. when you throw in more then 1 guy or girl into the mix its just asking for heartbreak. You may have told him a "Break" but what happens if you and this other guy completely hit it off and you 2 become lovers... you now just tore the guy that were with for 2 years heart to pieces especially if he didn't do anything wrong.

 

Or...

 

what if you come and find out you don't like this guy that you've met for 3 weeks and you 2 break up. but when you go for the guy you've known for 2 years he now has a new gf and now you're all alone.

 

 

While this was a cyber-relationship i was in it feels true enough that i would've called it a real-life relationship... but anyways.. my gf and I decided to take a "break" for a couple weeks so that i could move, get my job, and help around my parents house..without worrying about her. while doing this she met an old friend and has been with him since. I didn't do anything wrong, I treated her like a queen, respected who she was and her views on the world, and would've put my life out for her in a heart beat... but yet she still left me for a guy that she hadn't talked too in about 4 years. I've talked to her about this and she said hes just a friend but they even had sex... We both have the same views on cheating and lying but for her to do this is demanding a lot from me. I'll forgive her since i'm accross the United States, but if we ever do get back together and move in with eachother in real-life i will not tolerate this.

 

and there i go rambling on again...

 

hope this helped ya

[Arif_ikth]

Hey, have just had a revelation. I think that this has given me the perfect chance to evaluate my relationship with my boyfriend - I wasn't exactly too happy with it because he was being to clingy.

 

But I have thought it over, and I'm going to just keep this other guy as a good friend, and give my boyfriend another chance. We will need to talk things over, but I think that things will turn out ok Maybe we can just cool the relationship down a bit, because as a friend said to me before, we (my boyfriend and I) are not the same person; we are two different people with our own individual characters and lives and we have to remember that.

 

I'm getting tired of this complication in my life so I'm going to try to sort it out and do the right thing.

 

Thanks to all you guys for your advice, it has helped me to come to this conclusion and comforted me when I was down.

 

All the best to you all,

Arif_ikth

[yada]

Just do whatever you think is right, and in time everything will work out

[Leslii]

You told him you needed space, we all know what that means. So you were being somewhat honest. Being with someone for 2 years is a long time at your age. One of the greatest things about your college years is the new people you meet. This is the time in your life when you are changing and you are beginning to find out the real you. Don't limit yourself to one guy- you'll regret it. For some that is fine but in your case

I think you need to go out and explore a little. You are too young too be tied down and you obviously feel it. You just feel guilty for hurting your boyfriend. But ,better now than later. Who knows maybe he would have called one day and said he "needed space".

[p26]

If there was nothing wrong with your relationship and you love him, then why are you allowing yourself to hook up with someone else? Is life about floating around and picking up new partners, even when your current one makes you happy? Doesn't make too much sense, if you're willing to break up with him and see someone else then I would think that you either don't truly love him or you aren't happy with the relationship.

 

And you say that he was being too clingy? After two years I don't think that the clingy thing really flies, I mean being clingy is a reason why you end a relationship after a few dates or a few months, not a few years.

 

Sorry but I hold the belief that long term relationships don't just end on a whim.

[hurtbylove]

Sometimes, (my thoughts) are that when a relationship has been going on for a long time, the spark is gone.

 

The spark is really just that new feeling, butterflies etc. Sometimes people miss that and do stupid things for it, like give up what they have for something new.

 

Unfortunetly, there are greater forces in life than pure logic, sometimes hearts just dictate what may seem like the "wrong" decisions.

 

I feel like I've been on the receiving end of that one.