An interesting theory I'm coming up with...

[TRM38]

Iv been doing a lot of reading on here, I'm noticing a pattern, a lot of people seemed to b more worried about being "forgotten " by their exes than having a shot at reconciliation.. Maybe u have noticed it too, the I'm having a moment days, did I mean nothing to them, they seem so happy, they have moved on so easy.. I'm kind of in an accepting stage and coming to terms with things but one thing I worry about is having something with my ex that no one can take away.. All of our exes r going to b in new relationships and some of us have accepted that and r ok with it( I'm sure it will hurt when I find out mine is but iv accepted that it will happen ) would it make u feel better about a breakup if u had something with your ex no one could replace? That your ex had some trait to miss that u provided? Even though they move on maybe that would give us some validation to the things we felt?

[markie6]

I have never worried about the being forgotten thing .. but yes you are correct , loads worry about that. I guess it's to do with ego. The constant... was that all I was worth? Nothing ..not a peep ? Seems to worry some, but not all. The ones who are sneakilly happy for a little contact do feel their ego is boosted a little. That's all to do with validation.

 

Personally speaking, it's all to do with how it ends , what transpired ... that leads us to whether an ex reaches out. When I have been dumper , never had cause to regret but after a LTR it's normal to think about somebody you shared so much with. There is my validation , right there .. don't need a pointless ego boost text.

 

Some ex's don't reach out because they are feeding on anger ,using anything to help them move on. Trick is not to wake the beast with these, as contact will make them angrier.... and the cycle continues

 

So we are left with many different breakups, many different personalities... and multiple chances for contact... or not. There are some out there right now, thinking about us right here, right this minute... much as you might start thinking about another ex, as I have just reminded you of them. It's harder to forget .. than people even contemplate. Time will help... and also time will make them less angry too

 

Far too many variables for any conclusions...

[kittykitty]

I also think it has to do with validation.

 

I posted just this morning - I found out the ex has a new pof account and while I've been doing great - this really upset me.

 

Why? I don't feel validated. I'm angry that I'm upset and sitting here trying to figure out what went wrong and make myself a better person while he is out there - after treating me less than stellar - looking for someone to replace me. But I don't believe that I will ever be forgotten. I've never forgotten anyone in my life whether the relationship was good or bad. That's just not possible unless you are emotionless. But then you have bigger problems

[TRM38]

I think ur right it has a lot to do with ego and validation, knowing u left a permanent "mark " on them I guess.. It's def hard on self esteem and ego when an ex just seems to walk away .. I think that even though an ex seems to just walk away suddenly, even though they have been preparing for it for longer than u know .. It must be hard and even a bit intimidating to make the choice to leave a LTR. Especially if neither of u did anything unforgivable and had a 50/50 awesome/ stale relationship ( which was the case with mine for both of us) my ex def left her mark on me as I had a beautiful woman with a lot of amazing qualities .. A friend of mine recently told me u never really stop loving someone u truly love even when u move on and love someone else, there's always that place the former had in your heart. I guess what I'm hoping is , I left my " mark" on the ex too ..

[TopFive]

There's so much that goes on with this type of stuff. I was worried about being forgotten especially after how the chick treated me after i contacted her. But i have my proof now that i am well talked to about, so i guess i did something right. Screw what she says, I was a great bf to her and may lightning strike her if she says different.

[Limiya]

I guess when i really try to think about it, for me, it's almost like i don't want to feel like the past 6 years in the relationship meant nothing to him. How it left no memory or good feelings. I don't want to feel like it was wasted. I have my moments where i feel like it was.

Especially when i can see he moves on so easily straight after the breakup. I am sure he thinks about me sometimes, but most likely out of guilt.

It would feel nice if he was grovelling and apologizing and giving me the truthful answers i so desired when we broke up. But that's unrealistic.

 

Limiya

[Reflective82]

what are the reasons you don't regret as the dumper markie?

[Ang33]

I think it's the fear of being replaced rather than being forgotten. At least that's the case for me. I know my ex will never forget about me because we were together for 7 years since high school. She BU w/ me because of Law School and i think the classic GIGS.