Is it better to be the ex than the spouse?

[SeattleSigh]

This is kind of out there, but I am trying to formulate this question and ponder its implications. In today's world of divorces and bad marrages, is it almost better to be an ex than the person who ends up getting married to the one you want? I know this is a weird thought, but think about it. The husband, the wife, becomes familiar and boring and the thing that often causes distress or holds you back, but the ex is an image in time and that image holds up better over time than the spouse if the relationship is less than perfect.

[RedDress]

You are right -this is a strange thought.

 

First - why would you assume that the marriage is bad, boring or the one holding you back? And why would you assume that the memories of the ex are good ones?

 

Actually - I find the opposite is true. I think there are a lot more people who "hate" their ex-spouses than people who "hate" their ex bfs or gfs. Marriage is serious business so people tend to hang on longer and develop harsher feelings towards them. Then there's the divorce proceedings, the separation of assets (money has a way of making people mad), the feeling that they are losing everything...

 

While some people have civil or friendly relationships with their ex-spouse - I think this is the exception, not the rule. And while some marriages suck, I would think that with the way that divorces are so common, the majority are at least "ok".

 

So... no. I think that most people - as mad or annoyed as they may be at their spouse, are even more angry or annoyed at the ex-spouse.