Happened twice : Guy says he talks dirty with me on chat to GET RID of me!

[goingnowhere]

When we are going good on chat and all decent stuff, he tries to get dirty on chat. Then I don't approve of it and then he covers it up by fighting with some excuses and then says, he did that or said that so that I do not talk to him ever again! What on earth is this ? Is it a way they cover up the dirty talk they tried to attempt at ?

 

What's the psychology here ?

 

Should I just get the hint of not talking to them ever again and move on and literally NEVER talk ever again!?

[goingnowhere]

By the way, twice means this has happened in case of some other guy too

[ToF]

He's embarrassed that you weren't thrilled about the dirty talk, so he threw the blame onto you.

[goingnowhere]

what to do of such guys ? This blame game is not a good trait. IT's a sign of a cheat . I hate blamers. What's the next action I must take ?

[ToF]

Well, you forget all about those guys. Just don't talk to them again.

 

Maybe focus on going on dates, as opposed to chatting online. Keep chatting to a minimum, as it's way too easy to be a sleaze when your face is hidden behind a computer screen.

[goingnowhere]

but i find all good looking guys online and they are not some random ones. they turn out to be friends of friends or something but never met due to distance! how can they even dare being jerks!

[goingnowhere]

thanks a ton TOF !!!

[ToF]

Because, if someone is going to be a jerk to you, they will do it regardless of who you are or your mutual friends. That's just life, unfortunately.

 

Try to meet men who are close enough geographically to actually date in person.

[goingnowhere]

are they just that way with me or they usually try doing this to every girl ? I am asking this coz this has happened before with me too and I want to correct what I lack that leads to this ! I know that while chatting the flow goes to a point that it makes each other feel the liking thing but in no ways am I a one night stuff if you know what I mean. And I strongly feel that guys who get into this too quick are the player types. If you really see your future with a girl, you wouldn't care about such talks instead you would want to know her more! Am I not right ?

[goingnowhere]

Part of me facing such situations is I have a tendency to get caught up in sweet talks and attention givers and they play the withdrawal games with me. What's wrong with me ? I am in no way low on confidence but I do accept the fact that I need some special person in my life who showers me his attention and makes me feel important. But I don't want to fall prey to wrong ones.

[goingnowhere]

I cannot draw the fine line between when to hold on and when to let go. I keep slipping into giving SECOND chances

[ToF]

Whoa ... slow down. Just take a breath, okay?

 

The line between holding on and letting go is not "fine" in these cases -- you know you need to forget about them. And it probably was not anything you did that caused them to speak to you that way, unless you steered the conversation in that direction. So, don't take it personally.

[capilot]

He's embarrassed that you weren't thrilled about the dirty talk, so he threw the blame onto you.

 

That's exactly what I was thinking.

[capilot]

what to do of such guys ?

 

Don't do anything at all. Don't talk to them again, don't respond to their emails, don't do anything. Move on and look for a guy who isn't such a child.

[goingnowhere]

yes. I will follow your advice as I am not sure of my brain, it doesn't work just craves!

[Sportster2005]

what to do of such guys ? This blame game is not a good trait. IT's a sign of a cheat . I hate blamers. What's the next action I must take ?

 

When they start do not react. Just block them and never speak with them again.

[PaintWithLight]

Part of me facing such situations is I have a tendency to get caught up in sweet talks and attention givers and they play the withdrawal games with me. What's wrong with me ? I am in no way low on confidence but I do accept the fact that I need some special person in my life who showers me his attention and makes me feel important. But I don't want to fall prey to wrong ones.

 

Here is what happens. They are interested in you and hope it will lead to sex. Little by little, they begin to suspect that it is ALL about you. You need their attention. You need to be showered with attention. The demands you are placing start stacking up and the chances of red hot sex begin to diminish. So like a gambler at a poker table having a bad run of luck, they decide to go "all in" to force the issue. Either you respond to their sexual gambit and they can begin to move things in the direction they want them to go, or you reject the idea strongly. Either way, it becomes crystal clear whether or not there is any hope for something sexual.

 

If you reject them, they can then cut their losses, laugh when you state that you are offended and give you the toss. They were at the point where they could no longer fake interest in your life and your stories so they win or lose, they are at least free of any future obligation to pretend to be nice.

[JulieC]

Man, this happened to me once. A guy I knew online for barely 2-3 weeks suddenly started the "dirty sex talk" but his subjects were other girls, not me. I was annoyed and told him to stop or "I'll tell everybody" (just trying to threaten him, never thought of actually doing it). He was embarrassed and stopped talking to me.

 

I wonder, if some guys would start talking "dirty" to REALLY show that they were NOT interested in you..... because dirty talk is NOT something they would do to a girl they were interested in.