When a woman touches you on the shoulder...

[jonny15]

It sounds like to me, to be so cliche, touch isn't one of your love languages.

 

Look out for the long touches those are definitely signals.

 

 

I have never heard of love languages.

 

And long touches? I have to get them to want to do anything first.

[GirlontheLam]

Here are the details, take the quiz on your love languages:

link removed

 

I am personally the quality time person, but secondary for me is touch.

[Natasha24]

For the shoulder, it depends on the situation. If I was getting up from a chair and I need balance, it doesn't mean anything if I touch his shoulder. If I'm just sitting there talking, and I reach over and touch his shoulder - I'm definitely interested.

 

As for the biceps, I would only do that if I was flirting and I liked the guy.

[Klokwurk]

I dance, so people touch me all the time, everywhere. Its cool, doesnt mean anything, and we as a society really live in too much fear of one another.

 

I say, touch more people, its healthy.

 

To op, it means they feel comfortable enough around you to touch you, that is basically it.

[GirlontheLam]

I dance, so people touch me all the time, everywhere. .

 

That's different. Touching is expected when you are dancing (like ballrooom dancing) it is totally required.

 

But in daily conversation, it is a bit different. There is much more intent. That intent can be friendly or more.

 

The problem is figuring out what the person you are dealing with's baseline.

 

OP: I totally have a similar situation I am trying to figure out as well with the whole "touching" thing.

I met someone at a "professional" event. It was an all day thing, I met him in the early afternoon and then chatted a few more times over the rest of the day and evening. He was a bit touchy-feely as we were chatting. The touching escalated from the usual "touching on the shoulder" which is fairly normal behavior for me so I am generally not shocked when others do the same. To lingering touches (lasting several seconds to minutes). To a goodbye hug. Generally on the getting to know you path this feels pretty fast for physical contact. But for a "touchy" person, this would be fairly normal. For a non-touchy person, this would be aggressive. [There are some additional constraints in this story....this person lives far away and hopes to move to where I live in the coming weeks, so I don't have any opportunities to "test the waters."]

[Klokwurk]

"To lingering touches (lasting several seconds to minutes)... But for a "touchy" person this would be normal."

 

No, THAT is definitely intent to move things to a higher plateau. Dont be confused. He wants you. Or maybe he was gay?

 

Just touching on shoulder means nothing, just what i repeated before - just means you make them comfortable enough to want to touch your shoulder.

[Generation]

Ever heard of neuro linguistic programming? NLP for short. You can search it and read more about it, but I'll explain it briefly. When you laugh or are thinking of something you enjoy, ice cream for example, I'll non-verbal respond such as touch you.

Btw I'm not saying that was NLP, I'm just throwing this out there for people to think about it.

 

 

 

 

I remember this one time maybe two years ago, I was sitting on the bus with the hottest girl from my high school a few years after high school ended, cause we went to the same university and I just ran into her, so we just sat together and talked. Anyhow, my appearance that day, I remember I looked great, I shaved, put on my nicest shirt and best cologne and I left the house feeling great about how I looked and how minty my breath was and bam, there she is. I don't think I was ever the type to attract her back in high school, but during the interaction, she was more touchy than usual. I could be over thinking it, but I really do think if I looked like a slob, even if we had the exact same conversation and I got her to laugh at the exact same joke, I might not have gotten the same feedback.

[jonny15]

I say, touch more people, its healthy.

 

I disagree.

 

Maybe it's more healthy for women to do it. But it's not for guys, since a whole list of things could happen if you touch the wrong oen that gets offended by it.

 

I'm not touching a woman unless she more or less says so.

[Generation]

What do women think of guys touching them? (not sexually or flirtatiously) something like a pat on the back, or the shoulder, or something similar to that nature. Would you want some guys to touch you and not others depending on certain factors? Or is it too invasive? Or should you (the woman) be the one to initiate it first?

[GirlontheLam]

What do women think of guys touching them? (not sexually or flirtatiously) something like a pat on the back, or the shoulder, or something similar to that nature. Would you want some guys to touch you and not others depending on certain factors? Or is it too invasive? Or should you (the woman) be the one to initiate it first?

 

It depends on where you are touching and the context for me. Generally speaking, in a conversation, between let's say the heart and the shoulders is a neutral zone. Upper back, upper arm, these are all OK in most cases, in any public setting. After a couple of minutes of comfortable conversation. Definitely not out of line. Unless we have some sort of prior social connection (like you are friends with my friend) then you need to wait a few minutes for me to feel comfortable enough for it.

 

Places like the lower back, face, and hands of course have way more "romantic intent." So this of course happens much later. You can't try touching these areas in the first couple of minutes (outside of a handshake of course).

 

Hugs? Generally wait for her to initiate, until you know her pretty well. But this isn't 100% true. Personally, I have given hugs to people I hardly know. Even after only a few minutes of conversation. Not a super intimate one (too soon!), but this generally is more applicable for more touchy people.

 

Most people, except for the ones most fearful of touch, are OK with a shoulder touch. But before you get to the physical contact, you have to start with getting into their personal space. (It sounds so aggressive when phrased this way). Try to stand a little be closer to see how they react. If you get closer and the other person doesn't back away, that is a good signal. People who are unconformable with touches tend to jump and back away when you make any move towards them. For these types of people, wait for them to initiate.

[GirlontheLam]

"To lingering touches (lasting several seconds to minutes)... But for a "touchy" person this would be normal."

 

No, THAT is definitely intent to move things to a higher plateau. Dont be confused. He wants you. Or maybe he was gay?

 

Just touching on shoulder means nothing, just what i repeated before - just means you make them comfortable enough to want to touch your shoulder.

 

He seemed a little "flirty," but maybe not. That's why I don't have a super clear read on him. Maybe a little more than just friendly. Obviously I didn't talk to him the entire time or watch him. So I don't know if he was chatting up other women too! I guess I'll find out if he relocates. He has my number

[timeless151]

Curious...here's the scenario.

There was a group of us having dinner, at the end of the evening everyone was saying thier good byes...kissing and exchanging goodnight salutations. I gently placed my hand on the small of the back of my friend to give her a kiss...when she took a step toward me my hand slid down brushing over her butt we kissed and she placed her hand on my shoulder after the kiss lingered and squeezed...does this mean anything?