Girlfriend too busy for me

[ai244]

Hi all I am new to this forum and have been having a very hard time (depressed and very heartbroken) ever since my girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. She had been my first kiss and I was her first kiss, we had been dating for 3 months or so and the past 2 weeks we didn't do anything together because shes had to work or had sports on just about every evening. I was willing to wait but she said she was breaking up with me because she didn't want a relationship right now and didn't want to put me through this (her being so busy). I told her I would be willing to work it out and wait for her - I really have never felt the same way about anyone else the way I felt for her, I was her first real relationship and I can probably say the same about her (only dated few other girls in the past but never kissed them or loved them).

 

She has told me that its not me at all and that i'm an awesome guy, she is just not looking to be in a relationship right now and was just so excited when I first asked her out that she sort of got lost in the excitement. Obviously I feel a bit led on since she is the one that originally expressed interest in a relationship. I know shes not interested in other guys or is mad at me for anything so I can narrow it down to her just being so busy and confused.

 

I really want to date her again. When I've asked her if theres a chance in the future for us shes just given me an "I don't know" or "I don't know how I'll feel". The thing that really gets me is she broke up with me on MSN; I've talked to all of her friends about this and they know for almost a fact she did that because she would be too nervous/shy to do it face to face (I really wanted to talk to her in person about it because I would might have been able to change her mind).

 

We're both still in HS and have our whole lives ahead of us, I wasn't planning on going farther then kissing and doubt she was either so I don't know why shes so concerned about dating at this age, I felt really complete with her and could sense she felt the same way or by asking her friends. I'm really at a loss here and I'd appreciate it if anyone could give me any advice or tell about a similar experience. What is the best way to win her back over? Should I just continue to be her good friend and talk about everyday things (like we did today) and hope she misses the love or should I be more persistent? Or just give up on her altogether? She means so much to me...

 

TIA

[ai244]

PS When I say I talked to her today I talked to her at school for less then 5 minutes. We're both 16 BTW.

[melrich]

I hate to tell you this but at 16 years of age you will probably find that you (and your ex) will go through lots of short term relationships. I know it is hard for you right now but believe me you will soon be dating someone else and all will be well in the world again. There is no point trying to change her mind, words will not do that. Try your best to be friendly with her again, you will feel better about yourself and who knows she may re-consider. If she doesn't then you have just learnt your first lesson about love.....it can hurt like hell.

[Pyralis]

Hey ai244,

 

I know exactly how you feel because almost the exact same thing happened to me about 3 weeks ago, only mine was a long distance "cyber" relationship. We had been writing emails and chatting and having voice chats through MSN for almost 3 months. Everything was going great. We even had plans to meet each other in person. She was on a break from school for a couple weeks and when she went back she saw her academic advisor and found out that it would take her much longer to graduate and that her course loads would only get more difficult. I suppose that not having enough spare time to go online and the thought of us having to wait so long to be with each other scared her out of the relationship. (Either that or the picture of me that I sent her a few days before did it. I guess the timing of me sending the picture and her calling it off a few days later has made me a little insecure. )

 

She said the same thing to me, she told me repeatedly not to blame myself, that it was not because of me. She said that it was the lack of free time and the idea of us having to wait for so very long for each other. I still consider her a very close friend and hope to hear from her in the future. Unfortunately I haven't heard from her in a while and I just hope she is doing okay. She said that she would be willing to re-evaluate our relationship in the future, but since we have almost no contact with each other anymore I feel as if we may just end up drifting apart. I really don't want that to happen because I think she's the best thing that has ever happened to me.

 

Yeah, I definitely know how it feels, man. Even though we had never met in person and we were separated by many miles, those 3 months were the happiest I can remember. Her "dear John" email hit me like a ton of bricks and if we do drift apart it will take me a very long time to get over her. She meant the world to me.

 

I wish I could give you some advice on what to do, but I don't think there is anything you can do. The ball is in her court. I don't think that love is something that you can manipulate. It either happens or it doesn't. It's like a force that cannot be harnessed or controlled, only experienced. I don't even know if I'm making any sense anymore, so I think I'll just stop here, if you would like to talk more about this, reply or PM me.

[mahlina]

No girl is ever truly too busy to be with her man. I hate to tell you this, but I think that it's best to move on. When she says "I don't know," she really knows what she wants. If she truly wanted to be with you, then her actions will show it. Otherwise, her excuses are just excuses. Women know who is and isn't right for them. We follow our hearts when it comes to guys who we think could be potentially 'the one' for us. If we feel that our partners are not right person for us, then we don't want to waste their time. So we permanantly break things off with them.

 

I see that this break-up is really tough on your emotions. I don't blame you. However, you want to be with someone who likes you just as much as you like them. If two people are meant to be, then both partners will feel that mutual attraction for each other. The chemistry's either there or it's not. There's no way of convincing her to love you the same way that you love her. She's not the last girl who will make you feel complete. You will run into more girls who you will find interest in. Keep this in mind: Do not allow her to pounce on your heart. Do not allow yourself to be her doormat! Be real to who you are, and what you need. You deserve all of the love, respect and mutual admiration as a human being. Just remember that!