Shy guy on it's first serious dating experience

[Aggawam]

Hi everyone, this is my first message here in the forum.

 

English is not my main language so it may be a little difficult to express myself.

 

I'm getting old...27...lol... and this is the first time I date a girl seriously, asking her out and stuff... we are at the very beginning of something, at least I think we are, this is my main concern.

 

In the past I only had really short relationships, like meeting a girl in a party and never proceeding with any kind of relationship, just a one night thing. I never felt the need to go on with any of these girls, it was always very physical, not emotional stuff. So I don't have experience with serious relationships, I don't know how to handle them, or how to act.

 

This year I started administration school... at the beginning my class had around 100 people... today around 70. So it's very crowded with a lot of different people. A few months ago (may~june) I started observing this girl, she is very extroverted and talks to everybody. But I sat (past of sit?) very distant from her, never had the opportunity to talk to her, but I have a few friends that talked to her. They found out that she was single. And I cought her looking at me a few times (I'm kind good looking, at least I think I am...lol).

 

So by the end of the semester, during our last tests, I met this girl a few consecutive days, we had some small talk... but I found really hard to talk to her, I get a thousand times more shy than I usually am. But I couldn't stop thinking about her when away from her (day and night thinking about her, like an obsession). So during school vacation I asked her out for japanese food... so we went, nothing special really happened, just talked about our lives, school, things we like to do, etc. End of the night each one went home with your car. I have a really hard time going into more sentimental or flerty stuff.

 

---- to be continued----

[Aggawam]

---- part 2 ----

 

At this point I was feeling really great just to have asked her out...

 

During the vacations, we started texting each other... I think she started most of the conversations... sometimes she messaged me at 1:00am... she texted this on a Sunday night for example: "It is so lonely to watch movies by myself"... definitely showing she was interested. So I tried asking her to the movies twice but somehow she ran away and we never went... Don't know if she was trying to play it hard or what.... them I found out that she was going out with someone else, probably this is why she didn't accept my invitations....

 

Well.. we got back from vacations... but I found really hard to talk to her in person during the classes, I don't know what happens to me, by text it is really fine but in person I get speechless specially if we are together with more people. Just the two of us alone I find it easier to talk. So I got this friend that talks a lot to her... I asked him about her... and he said that she really have some kind of interest on me but she still have this other not too serious relationship which is going down, this friend tells me to "go for her" because I may have a chance.

 

So we kept texting a few more days... until the day a group decide to go out and eat something... we chated within the group and to each other as if nobody knows about our interest on each other, except this friend of mine which was helping me. So by the end of the night everybody says bye... and I was without my car, it was at the repair shop. So everybody offers me a ride, she also offers me a ride. So I choose her instead of the others... But I really wasn't prepared for that...lol On the way we kept chatting, just small talk... as I told, I really have a hard time going into flerty conversation with her. So she dropped me at home and I just kissed her in the cheek.

 

The next day I texted her asking if she could give me a ride home again because my car was still been repaired. She accepted. So we talked and talked and talked, until she parked the car in front of my house.

 

---- to be continued ----

[Aggawam]

---- part 3 ----

 

I felt all that akwardness... she was definetely expecting a kiss... but I didn't know how go for that (don't know why it was so hard with her). So I asked her: "what's happening between us?" "what's all that texting between us?".... and for the first time she got really nervous (it was funny, because I was always the most shy everytime)...she didn't know what to answer... and than we kissed. It was really nice and relieving. Than we talked a little bit more... I explained her that I never had any serious relationships before and was really shy about dating. I told her that she would have to give me some tips on dating (as she already had 3 serious boyfriends).

 

For the next days we ketp texting each other... and I asked her for a ride 2 or 3 times again... and we kissed but I really got very nervous every time not knowing how to go from the small talk to the flerty talk, it was very weird everytime. And during the class I have like a wall preventing me to talk to her... I only can talk to her when we are alone or texting, it feels so weird. And I think she don't like that behavior, I just pretend that she doesn't exist.... it is like if I'm trying to hide it from everybody. But in reality is that I got used to hang with my (boy) friends during the class. And she also always stays with her (girl) friends during class, and I find hard to mix with them.

 

So this week we got to school, there was a energy problem. And we were one of the first to get there.... so we decided to go out for dinner (japanese again). During this dinner, we talked and talked and talked... but again, always small talk, no relationship or flerty stuff.... I didn't even touch her or kiss her... I think I get really interested in what she is saying that I don't pay attention to what I should do. A friend texted me that the energy returned to school... we went to class, each other to your group, and didn't talk anymore that night (even texting).... this was yesterday... today I texted her: "I'm still talking to those sushis and sashimis. I think I ate too much...lol". Because last night she was talking a lot about diets and stuff, and in the end told me that she have ate too much. I know, it was not the best sentence I could have typed.... I was just trying to start a conversation but she didn't replied yet (and I know that she read it, because it's trough whatsapp, and it tells you when the other person reads the message).

 

---- to be continued ----

[Aggawam]

---- finally the last part ----

 

I'm getting more lost each day.... I don't know if she is losing interest on me because she is finding out all these weird social behaviors and lack of flerty/sentimental stuff whick I can only "provide" by text....lol I'm really messed up.

 

Do you have any advice?

 

I'm planning on talking to her more openly about my "weirdness".... what she thinks about it... if we really can have a relationship.... because we are so different, I'm so introverted and shy... and she is very talkative and extroverted.... I'll try to be completely honest...

 

But doing that she may think that I'm really insecure about myself and may loose even more intereset on me....

 

I really like her... but I'm very very lost.... any advices are welcome.

 

And sorry for the LONG story....

[OmgnowayBBQ]

You definitely need to express your interest in her more... it seems more like casual dinners with a friend than dates.

 

You've kissed so that is a huge step but immediately went back to the casual stuff, shes probably so confused with you right now. It doesn't seem like you are the flirting type, so express yourself in another way with maybe a small gift or flowers. Do not give up with the movie thing either because she previously turned it down (before the kissing happened). Continue to ask her on dates and good luck! You definitely need to start showing more interest (in a romantic way) or signs of affection.

[Jamesonn]

Okay here's a tip no one will give you. Invite her for drinks and DRINK. You'll loosen up a lot and be able flirt perfectly fine. Also, don't talk to her about your "weirdness" she's obviously attracted to you but women want a man who is confident and secure within himself. Those types of talks and behaviors will just drive her away. Don't worry so much about flirting and what not. You need to take her out and do something FUN. If you're having FUN or doing something different than dinner, chances are she is too. Give the impression that you're awesome to hangout with and have exciting adventures. The rest WILL fall into place.

 

Stop with the dinner dates and do something adventerous. Add a couple drinks into the mix and you two will have a blast. Avoid approval seeking conversations that talk about your weirdness.

[Aggawam]

Thanks OMG_BBQ... Your words were really helpful, I really feel that it is lacking this flirting thing... and also been more romantic (she said she is very romantic).... two nights ago I asked her again for a ride, she took me home (she is really nice or she really likes me)... and she was really tired from work and school, she was a bit needy.... so I tried to be more tender, in the car I put my arm around her, she laid on my shoulder, we talked more intimately (closely to each other) we touched each other more than the other times we've been together... and we kissed again. It was really nice. Than I asked her to the movies again and she accepted... we are going tonight. She is crazy about movies, she watches like at least 2 or 3 every week, so I asked her to suggest a movie.... she suggested The Expendebles 2! lol

 

Jamesonn, thanks for the tips!

She said once that I'm to SERIOUS (she didn't say SHY).... I said her, that when I get to know the person better I start to loosen up more.... so she is already "warned" about who I am.

I really have a serious appearance/face but I'm very easy going person....

I'll try the drinking thing altough it doesn't change my behavior too much. I get sleepy when I drink but it may be different drinking with her.

 

Another thing I forgot to mention... it may be important... and now I think it showed her some lack of confidence or maybe just lack of experience... When we first kissed we started talking a little bit about ourselves (it was when she said I'm too serious), she said she had like 3 boyfriends in her life and she was finishing this relationship with a guy (the one I told during part 2 of my history). And than I told her that I never had a serious relationship, as I explained in my history above, I only had one night stands. I couldn't stay quiet or lie to her saying that I had have relationships in the past because sometime it would come out as a lie. She accepted that well at the moment. So that was another "warning" about my lack of experience with relationships.

 

And I know she is looking for serious relationship, even tough she is extroverted/talkative, she is very traditional also, and I saw she criticizing some very outgoing girls on facebook.

 

So thanks again everyone....

[Aggawam]

Hi again everyone!

 

Gone to the movies with her. Watched to the Exependables 2. I liked it better than the first one, altough not my kind of movie it is very fun and straight forward concept of uniting all those "heros". Not too much thinking involved which is good for a date that enjoys the genre.

 

It was very nice been with her, we kept touching each other during the movie and pulled her close to me. And when the movie finished, during the credits we kissed until everyone was gone.

 

The next day (saturday) we both had particular plans each other. I sent her a message telling that I enjoyed been with her and would like to repeat any other day. Is it fine sendind this kind of message? She didn't reply it yet and I'm getting crazy. But if the pattern is right she will reply only on sunday night (tonight). Or maybe she wants us to text less and see/talk to each other more frequently in person, which would be everyday because we study at the same class everyday.

[OmgnowayBBQ]

Hey! Sounds like you are on the right track, the touching/show of affection is a good thing. The text is also a good thing if you kept it short and sweet, letting her know it was great and you would like to see her again doesn't hurt if she feels the same way. Remember to at least smile and wave at her in class.

 

Keep it up you're doing just fine.

[Aggawam]

---- more story ----

 

So, she didn't reply that message.... Although she kept posting on her facebook.

 

I went and talked to her personally after class, asked her for a ride.... she said she was very busy that day and "forgot" to answer later.

We kissed, she took me home, and I decided to not text her anymore about small stuff. Only contact her for a date.

 

So I asked her out on Friday, but we were going to begin our exams week, lot of studying.... going out wasn't a good idea but I invited her anyway just to show interest because I ketp silent during the whole week.

 

She also kept it silent, not talking during the week. And she refused the invitation telling me that she had to study (this time I believed her).

 

So the next week I didn't contact her either because of exams and stuff (she says she likes to study alone).... was giving her some space.... because she was showing disinterest.

 

By the end of the week she got seek (saw it on FB).... so I texted her just to ask how she was doing. She replied very briefely.

 

The next day I decided not playing this games anymore, if I felt like talking to her I'd go on and talk..... so I asked for another "ride".... she said she had to go to a friends house help her with something.

 

I decided to go back to the old game of not contacting her. We were still on exams week and had a very hard paper to finish so it was easy not contacting her.

 

Then, this monday we did our exam, finished very early, and I still had to study that night for tuesday's exam. So I didn't even looked to her that night.

 

---- TBC ----

[Aggawam]

---- part 2 ----

 

Than she called me that night but I was taking a shower. Than another friend called me (buddy that was helping me out with her).

I freaked out when I saw both calls, decided to call him first. He told me that they were together, studying (although she always refused studying in group), and were trying to invite me.

I was already in bed and studying, and very tired, so I refused.

 

Later that night she texted me: "Wanted you here...

 

I got crazy with that message....lol Couldn't pay attention to my books anymore.

 

I replied explaining that I was already in bed, studying. But on the next day we could meet after our last exam.

 

Well.... the next day I talked to my buddy, asked more details about their conversation. He told me that they studied like for 5 minutes... and then just talked about other stuff... (including his ex-gf, and about me!).

He said that she is REALLY into me!

 

So she is definetely playing games, hiding her interest.

 

So we did our exams on tuesday (yesterday), she finished hers much earlier than me. And texted me: "I waited for you but it's getting late and I'm tired, going home".

 

I replied: "I was very inspired, ended up writing to much on the exam." "I think we are playing hide and seek...lol". She replied: "Yeah, it seems we are".

 

We changed a few more messages, and I finished: "Tomorrow [which is today, wednesday], we don't have class, we could go out together, there is this nice restaurant..........."

 

And she never replied it saying "no, yes, or maybe"!!!

 

---- End ----

 

What the hell should I do now ???

[Klokwurk]

Be bold. Be a man. Take charge. It is clear she wants to be held in your arms till the cows come home.

[Aggawam]

Thanks for the encouragement words Klokwurk.... I know... there isn't too much practical advises for this.

 

But when I put it into words, and them read it, I usually see my own mistakes more clearly.

 

At least today I have very good news.

 

---- chapter three ----

 

She ended up not replying my message for dinner that night... and I didn't texted her anymore nor talked to her asking why she didn't reply. I left the situation as if she never received the text.

 

The next day a few friends set up a sushi, poker and beer night for friday. Both my date and I were invited also. Some of the closest friends of ours already knew that we were going out on a few dates in the past weeks. But not all of them.

 

So, friday night came, I got there early to start preparing the sushis... She arrived later, we just greeted ourselves, as friends. Her father took her there... she said that she would need a ride home.

 

Everybody ate the sushis... and most of them needed to leave early due to bus schedule. Those left were just me, my date, another couple hosting the party and two other friends that already knew about us. So we started playing poker.... we sitted together holding each other, holding hand, hands on the legs, and nobody was surprised, or at least they were faking it...lol

 

In the end I won the game, and she that never had played before got the second place! (here in Brazil we have a expression, which I hope it isn't true: "lucky on the game, unlucky with love"). We won together around 15 dollars...lol So it was time to take her home.

 

---- TBC ----

[Aggawam]

---- part 2 ----

 

So we said goodbye to everybody, it was almost 3:00am, but I still needed to take a friend home. I left him at his house, and proceeded to take her home.

 

Parked in front of her parents house, just accross the street. We started kissing. She had drank a few bottles of beer. Let's say she was a little bit excited beyond her regular mood. She started touching down there, I reciprocated. Things evolved to something more intense, with parts of our clothes already open. Then suddenly someone appears walking along the street, we had to stop and go back to the "regular" kissing.

 

Then a few more people walked by the car. She said: "We need to skip class any of these days". And I told her, we should pause the whole semester and come back to school just next year...lol

 

So we just stayed there for a few more minutes and she went home.

 

Then, this friday I texted her: "Naughty [her name]"... she replyed "You took advantage on the fact that I was drunk... opportunist....laughs".... I replyed: "We should go out to drink more often".

 

---- END ----

 

Well she wasn't that drunk after all.... maybe 4 or 5 bottles through the whole night, she knew exactly what she was doing.

 

Now I think my topic shouldn't be anymore on the "Dating and Shy people" section of the forum. Should be moving to the "Dating" section, and if things go right, it should get into "Sex and Romance" section also....lol

 

Just closed my eharmony account this weekend.

 

Let's see what happens next.