Broken wings, learning to fly again

[iamkaylee]

The things we leave behind are not important. It is the way we live our lives that sets our legacy for the future.

[iamkaylee]

Hell is the life I left behind.

 

Heaven is the life I move toward.

[iamkaylee]

The world is fresh and green

Early morning rains bring renewal

The warming sun, light and life

Knee high grasses

Wildflowers in bloom

The sweet scent of nectar

Everywhere, a riot of color

Honeybees upon gossamer wings

Shadows grow longer

A fell wind rises

Smoke high above the ridge

I leave this wondrous place

By next day's end

Only footprints and tears will remain

Wildfire turns the earth black and gray

Until the warm spring rains

When color bursts from the ashes

Just as the phoenix is reborn

So is the meadow

A neverending circle of life and death

[iamkaylee]

The cold, hard ache never leaves.

I am slow now, my stride falters.

Every step brings a new shock of agony.

I curse the metal that holds my shattered leg together.

Even so, I welcome pain of knitting bone.

A distraction, ignore, endure and press on.

It is nothing to the shadow that lies within my heart.

The backcountry beckons.

Far below, I leave the world behind.

Still I press on, ever higher, ever farther.

Yet I can not leave the shadow.

[iamkaylee]

A time of year I once loved.

 

Now it is a time of loss, grief and a deep emptyness that remains an eternal ache of love in my heart.

[iamkaylee]

My dear friend. I love you. I miss you.

 

I never thought I would be doing this for you.

Not now, not tonight.

It is calm and yet surreal.

The stars are out and the frogs sing.

PBR on ice in the cooler.

The fire is burning bright.

 

Two chairs, one stands empty.

Let the fires burn low, the tears fall where they may.

It is time for me to say goodbye.

 

So many days we walked through the darkness together.

So many nights we pulled each other toward the light of a new day and a new beginning.

I would have been there. You would not have been alone.

Even so, the last journey was yours and I understand.

Just as the last gifts were mine to give.

 

I wish for you the joys you found in life and those you did not.

Beer just the way you always drank it. Frosted and icy.

Football and food. Children to teach. Laughter and love.

Good friends and good times always.

 

Know that I have found peace and I will find my way.

I can hear your booming laugh and Kaitlin cheering.

Her Uncle John has come home.

Thank you for being my friend.

[iamkaylee]

My mind wanders as I walk the forest.

The path, soft needles and fallen leaves.

Autumn has long since reached this place and her shadow is fading.

Much like my own life, the days grow shorter, the nights darker.

I think back on the pain, the sorrows and loss.

And yet, I remember the joys and triumphs.

I would change nothing. Nothing save one.

[iamkaylee]

Since the only value you see in me is my ability to fix things, I shall stop fixing things for you.

[iamkaylee]

Happy birthday John. I miss you. See you on the other side my friend.

[iamkaylee]

I work

I don't sleep

I sleep for days on end

I ride the Harley, sometimes

I sit alone in the dark and cry, always

 

When tomorrow comes, I do it all over again

[iamkaylee]

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.”

 

- William Hutchison Murray

 

 

Go climb. The view from the top will be wonderful.