How do i hint to her that i like her

[bettyboop401]

Awwww thanks heaps for the offer hun. I think I'm alright for the moment...just confused like everyone else on here in regards to the opposite sex. hehehe. I'm just seeing how things go and trying to show my intentions without being too noticeable...if you know what I mean.

 

But if she's not shuning you that's excellent. Don't forget to get the conversation going. Even if it's just 'you look exhausted' when you work with her (if she does) or whatever it'll help get your conversations going.

 

Betty!

[mr sad]

quick update.

 

not the greatest weekend. saw her for a bit, we didnt talk a great deal. she knows that something was eating at me, i wouldnt tell her what though. things between us are really akward at the moment.

she knows theres something wrong... should i tell her. i dont know what i should do .. what do u think i should do?

[bettyboop401]

Well that's up to how you feel hun. Is it eating at you so much that you don't think you can stand it anymore? If it is...time to spill the beans I think. But again...it's you who has to do it. If you feel the time is right go for it.

 

The awkwardness could be because things have changed between you two. Remember to keep it friendly as well...girls like guys who they can be friends with as well as something more.

 

Let me know how it goes.

 

Betty!

[mr sad]

yea its eating me big time. i dont think i can take much more of this.

how should i go about telling her.

the most obvious would be msn msger. if i use msn to tell her, how do u think i should go about it? just come out with it? wait for her to ask whats eating me? im open to anything at the moment.

 

yea, things have changed. i think shes losing interest (if any) in me. we havent talked much in the last few days, when we have its been short and little has been said.

 

all help appreciated.

[bettyboop401]

If you don't think you'll be good in person msn would be fine. At least for offering to get together sometime out of the work environment. If she asks what's eating you perhaps you could say something not abruptly pointing at her...but hinting that you've got your eye on someone at work and you're not sure how they feel??

 

But I"m actually really worried. Not that she's losing interest in you but that the conversation is lagging. Best try and work that out. Even if it's a really bad pathetic joke to break the ice...at least you can say it and go 'oh wow...even for me that was weak' or something. If she laughs...it's a good sign. Women like men who listen...but we also like men who can hold a bit of a conversation. If you're a better listener...bring up something she likes so she can talk and you can show that you're totally interested in what she's all about.

 

Betty!

[tbbearcat5]

well man, i've been reading through your thread, and I am in sorta the same position...'cept the girl I am friends with, i've only known for about a month! And I'm still trying to get a feel of what she's all about...which I like so far.

 

keep at it, man...and I agree with betty, conversation is a good thing

 

good luck

[mr sad]

yea, i cant take this anymore. its getting too much for me.

the other night i refused to tell her what was wrong, i get the feeling from this that she thinks that i dont trust her. so ive decided to send her an email telling her that something is wrong and its big and possibly destructive and if she wants to know then we'll talk about it.

 

you said in your last post betty

Women like men who listen

for some reason when we talk on msn i some of the times do most of the talking. i try not to talk too much and listen to what she has to say but she seems to just want to listen and not talk so much. is this a good sign?

i feel as tho im telling her everything and shes holding out on me.

 

hello there tbbearcat5 good luck with ur lady friend. hope all goes well and you get to know this girl.

if you need help at all PM me or ask betty, betty seems to have an awesome answer for everything. keep up the good work betty.

[tbbearcat5]

mr sad-

 

nice to meet ya. MSN kinda sucks in the way that you can't see the person face to face and actually read facial expressions and such...and most people aren't into the whole smileys thing...I am to a point. I really can't compare my situation to yours since I haven't known my friend as long as you have known yours, but I get that too where it seems like she is doing all the listening, but will interject with questions; for example, I asked her what sports that she played in high school, and she said softball, bball, and track. I said cool, and she asked me which sports I were in, and what positions I played.

 

A possible solution is to say things that will illicit questions, like ask her if she's got any plans for xmas, if she has any concerts she would like to go to. If she mentions a band or artist you like, try to go into that further.

 

I hope all goes well with your email, and everything.

 

betty, i have a question for ya-

 

would you consider it a good thing that this girl I talk to invites me over often, initiates conversation on msn, and the like? We've already spent time together, we cuddled and watched movies two nights in a row last week, which was nice. We haven't done that since then, but I am just trying to get a feel for who she is, which I like so far. she even initiated kissing and holding hands, which surprised me a bit, but I didn't mind it at all.

 

Her friend, who is like my little sister, told me that she did like me in that way, and i told her that i felt the same. I am also friends with some of the girls on her floor at college. she went to a movie with this guy the other night, but I get the vibe she's not serious about that. I just feel that she might be playing the field a bit, which doesn't bug me b/c I can continue to be a friend to her and try to work towards something.

[mr sad]

she doesnt seem real interested at all.

many chances on msn and she doesnt try to talk to me at all.

 

[bettyboop401]

Mr Sad you always seem to make me blush. hehehe!

 

Ok...so welcome tbbearcat5. As for your situation it sounds to me like you've got it in a really good place right now. She may be going to the movies because you haven't taken it that step further. Women pass on their feelings about guys...and if the chance comes up we know that those people who know will pass it on to the guys (although we'll be upset if it doesn't turn out the way we want it to! Confusing hey! So if you've become pretty close, as it reads you have, and someone's said she likes you...I'd suggest you at least ask her yourself. If she says yes go for it!! Oh...and don't forget to let us know. If you're nervous about asking her...do the 'so and so said you liked me...I was 'hoping' maybe it was true'

 

Mr Sad...I don't know why...but I'm getting the feeling that she might think she's done something wrong. Sometimes if we feel this way we take a step back and let you sort it out. She might not be talking to you over msn because she thinks that you're mad at her. Best thing to do would be to, if you haven't sent it already, let her know that you don't think there's anything really wrong, she hasn't done anything wrong but you just need to talk to her about something. Don't if you can help it, send an email saying it's going to ruin the friendship or whatever...it's like subliminal messages. If she's as great a girl as you think she is she'll take what you say in a positive manner...however she feels.

 

Also as long as the msn conversations aren't solely one sided it's a pretty good thing - she's listening to you. It means she's interested in finding out more about you...and also if you can hold a good conversation. Like tbbearcat5 said...ask some open ended questions so that she can't just answer them with one word...so that she can give a little more about herself.

 

Good luck hun...don't give up!

[mr sad]

wow.

 

but I'm getting the feeling that she might think she's done something wrong. Sometimes if we feel this way we take a step back and let you sort it out. She might not be talking to you over msn because she thinks that you're mad at her

 

i didnt even think of that. it could be possible that she thinks that, im hoping its not because ive told her many many times that i could NEVER get mad at her no matter what the circumstance.

so i gather from what your saying i have to make all moves, etc at this current point in time?

 

good luck with you lady friend tbbearcat5. hope all goes well for ya.

thanks again people

[bettyboop401]

If you want to tell her how you feel then yep...all the moves are yours. I didn't mean that she did feel that you were mad at her...but it's just an option. If things have changed, whether you've re-assured her or not, she could feel like it's something she's done. I get this way sometimes...and no matter how many 'it's nothing you've done' 's I hear it doesn't change the fact that somethings happened and it's to do with me.

 

But if you're having second thoughts about telling her you can just send an email or say something like 'I hope you don't think you've done anything...because you haven't. I'm sorry I'm a little spaced out but I've just got a lot on my mind at the moment.'

 

Don't forget to keep the conversation up!

 

Betty!

[tbbearcat5]

Well guys, I have some good news and some bad news. Bad news first...she has feelings for two guys. Good news....one of them is me. Great. LOL. A lot has happened since I last posted.

 

I went to a dance party thing last night, and she was there. To ease myself a little bit, I snuck up behind her and pushed her in the rear with my foot, which drew a playful smile from her. A little later, when more people showed up, I danced with her, and we talked the whole time. Afterwards, I thanked her for the dance, and she gave me the same smile. Good, right? Well....

 

She became more and more withdrawn as the night went on...then I asked her for a last dance, and she said no. Turns out I wasn't the only guy she turned down for it...I was the only guy she danced with that night. I asked one of her friends who had accompanied her to the dance what the situation was, and she said she would tell me when she gets back to town (she left the next morning), which actually, is later today.

 

She (THE girl) IMed me this morning, and I told her about a few hair-raising situations I had already been in this week (missing a team bus, missing a final test due to sickness) and she seemed to show that she cared about what happened. At one point she said "sweetie, did you get everything cleared up?" I don't know about you, but I don't think a girl would call a guy "sweetie" or "hun" for no reason, but I could be wrong.

 

Also, earlier today, my roommate went to see if her friend had returned, which she hadn't, so he talked to another friend of hers to see what was the deal. Turns out, she likes me and another guy (as stated above) that she has known around the same amount of time as me. But this other friend is someone that my roommate and I have had our differences with in the past, so I don't know if she can be trusted. That is why we are waiting for the other friend to return here, we trust her more.

 

She is such a blast to hang out with...I think that's what initially attracted me to her. And the initial closeness (cuddling) we enjoyed was very nice, as well. Do you think it would be a good idea to talk to her about it, or could that put more pressure on her? I'm thinking more that I should just stay friends with her now, with winter break coming up, stay in touch with her over that time (I have her email/MSN, plan on getting her # soon), and maybe go visit her sometime over the break (she is an hour's drive away), if possible. Also, the friend that my roommate spoke to said that she (the girl) had no idea what to do....I feel bad for her...I know I wouldn't want to be in that kind of position.

 

That's it in a nutshell..I need sleep to get my mind off it and start fresh tomorrow..I'm out. Thanks for the input.

[bettyboop401]

ah...well to start off with I'm a big 'hun, sweetie, darling, gorgeous' caller to guys...and girls. It's a me thing...some girls do it too. Is this a new thing for her though?

 

It's good that you're getting confirmation that she might like you too...let us know what that other friend says though. If she's liking you and another guy you've gotta show that you'll be better. If you want to talk to her about it don't make her feel embarrased because you know she likes you though. Perhaps even show that you like her. You've got your confirmation...step up the flirting I say. Offer to see her over the break...offer coffee...movies...whatever.

 

All things are sounding positive though...keep us informed.

 

Betty!

[mr sad]

well i had that talk with this girl ... not good.

she is not interested in anything more then friendship. i made a total ashole out of myself ... again.

i thought it was too good to be true ... and it was.

she calls me names like "hun, hunny, sweetheart, sugar, etc" and all corny sh/t like that. if thats not flirting then i dont know what is??

and what makes it even more degrading for me is that she didnt even know she was doing it ... i just hope that we can stay friends, the last girl i had a similar talk to still isnt talking to me (6months and 13days since shes said hello or even looked in my direction)

 

as ive said once and will say again.

"falling in love is like building yourself up for a fall"

i used to feel happy to wake up in the morning, and that is no longer the case.

 

ill stop posting with my situation as it is closed and no longer relevant. but i will continue to help ya in this thread tbbearcat5 if you wish.

 

thanks for all help. it is appreciated.

tbbearcat5 and bettyboop401 i dont know either of you personally, but i thank you both for all advice and support. you're both wonderful people and i am eternally grateful.

i would be a much happier person if i had friends like you two.

 

- mr sad

[bettyboop401]

Oh I'm so sorry to hear that. It doesn't mean that you can't be friends. And maybe all is not lost. If you can stay friends with her later on down the road she might change her mind. But until then, respect her decision. And like last time, you picked yourself up and managed to move on...you'll do exactly the same thing this time. Don't give up. Sometimes us ladies don't know how good we've got it till we don't have it anymore.

 

We're always here and we've gone through too much to just end it like that. If you need ANY more help with this situation please do ask...

 

Betty!

[mr sad]

i doubt she will change her mind later down the track. her and i were close back in jan - feb. and how did i get over it? the first 2months was beating myself up and then next month was in falling for another girl who ended up doing the same thing.

i would be a total fool to want to be with her now, shes broken my heart not once but twice now. i would have learnt nothing if i was to go back to her a third time.

its time to give up, i doubt she will know how good she had it cos she didnt even notice me.

but yes enough is enough, i spose ill just beat myself up for a few months then find someone new to break my heart.. that seems to be the pattern of my life, why break it now?

 

i thought she was the closest girl to perfect that i know. but as a wise friend of mine once said.

"how can someone be so perfect if they can break your heart in seconds"

 

- mr sad

[liposuction]

Ok, so the good news first: you're only 19, which means that it is still early enough to make some basic changes to your personality here so you don't spend another ten years looking for a girlfriend.

 

The bad news: it wasn't her, it wasn't the cruel world, or the fickleness of women, it was and is YOU.

 

You obviously have some deep seated issues which, honestly, require therapy not an online advice forum. Your "issues" are really quite common ones actually, and you CAN change them. It requires a lot of honest self evaluation, an openness to change, and some discipline to stick to the program.

 

It would take too long to elucidate all of the things that are going on with you, (and you really do need to see a counselor) so I'm going to make an extreme summary:

1. You hate yourself. If you believe you're a worthless pile of poop, then why would a hot girl want to be with you? She might feel sad for you, take pity on you, but she's not going to take off her clothes and have sex with you.

2. You have a very immature understanding of love and relationships between men and women. In fact, you objectify women: you put them on pedestals and are "in love" with some idea of them that you have in your head, not who they really are as people. And I'm willing to bet it's always the pretty, sweet girls that "just don't understand you and how good they've got it", not the plainer and fatter ones.

3. You may not believe it, but you reek of these things: your lack of self confidence, your passive aggressive tendencies, all of it, just oozes out of your pores when you intereact with these women. And to change that is going to require a deep change in yourself.

 

In the paraphrased words of Shakespeare: Get thee to a therapist

[mr sad]

thanks for that, thanks a bunch. you could have been a little more subtler about it

 

some people just arent meant to be together. obviously that is this case in my situation.

why should i change who i am? thats all i have, thats what makes me, me. im unique and if i make these changes to my personality i wouldnt be me, i would simply be another follower among the crowds of teenagers.

"think for yourself, question authority" - bill hicks

you dont just go "looking for a girlfriend", i see that as shallows and putting a girl on a pedistal. to me doing that would be just looking for a girl who is attractive and popular.

this girl is one of a kind. she made me feel special, she made me happy to be me, she treated me in a way that no one else did. if thats not love then i dont know what is.

a broken heart doesnt mend over night you know. it takes time ... and in that time i do my self evaluation.

why do i hate myself? (at the moment). REJECTION, its one of the worst feelings imaginable. i believe i am worthless because im not good enough to be more then a friend to this girl. she sees me as a meager friend.

i dont want pity, i dont want her to feel sad for me. and i dont want her to take her clothes off and have sex with me, i would think less of her if she did want to do that with a meager friend. i have values, they are in tact.

if my understanding of love is immature then fill me in with your view of it. love is monogomy, understanding, trust and a mutual feeling of happiness between two people.

i know i lack self confidence, wouldnt your self confidence be shot if you had just been rejected by a girl you care for deeply?

 

i am open to change, as you should be also. from reading this i can tell you where you NEED to change.

UNDERSTANDING and COMPASSION!

two things that a human has, and honestly i believe you have neither of them. i see that you're new to this forum. when i came to this forum i was the same, i would tell someone what they needed to do when it was me who needed the change. i wish you good luck in your self evaluation. compassion isnt something that comes to you overnight

 

- mr sad

[bettyboop401]

Well yes, that post was a bit harsh liposuction. I hope you've read the whole 14pages of this topic, as well as some other posts too. It might enlighten you as to why people come onto a forum like this.

 

Mr Sad...unfortunately it's rejection that makes us appreciate all the more when we get the person we want. Everyone goes through it and yep...hurts ever so much. We're here for you to rant away...it does help.

 

You actually seem to be taking a step back and looking at the bigger picture. That's very good. It will take time though.

 

Betty!

[mr sad]

well yea, over the last few days my questions and confusion has been cleared up. and with that my reason for creating this thread and asking for help is over. so i wont be asking for help with my problem as i dont need help on hinting to this girl that i like her anymore.

 

thanks everyone for the help as i wouldnt have come to any outcome (good or bad) without you all.

 

-mr sad

[tbbearcat5]

mr sad-

 

I'm sorry to hear about what happened...I went back and read those posts...keep your chin up. She's out there, man.

 

I've been absent for awhile, but I thought I would fill you in on what's happened.

 

Apparently my lady friend liked three other guys at the same time. At the time that her and I spent the alone time together, she was going through a rough family time, and she appreciated that I was there, but she thought it came on a little too fast, which is understandable. I took it as she was playing me and these other guys, but it turns out I was wrong later on (read down). As I said, she was having a rough time at the time, and was just confused.

 

Now for the good news: After sending her a mean (not jerkish) email to get her to think about what she did, I got a reply not 20 minutes later from her, almost pouring her heart out to me, saying that she "sucks at showing her feelings", she never thought that it was worse to hold everything in, and that she wasn't trying to hurt me, it was just the circumstances of her life I didn't know about.

 

She just said it had happened so fast that she didn't know how to comprehend her feelings, I guess they were that strong. She apologized for her actions, told me that she cared about me and what happens in my life, and told me that "I would like to start over and show you that I am not that kind of person." I told her later that I wanted to get to know her better, and at the same time, she could get to know me. She agreed.

 

So here's a bit of good news that might give you some hope for the future, man.

 

tb

[mr sad]

dont worry about me man, i had it coming. i shouldnt have fallen for her ...again.

ill be ok, just need my thinking time and eventually ill get back to some level of happiness where i might think about trying to meet new ppl.

 

what can say tbbearcat5... well ill thank you for a start. thanks

but yea, im glad to hear about your awesome news. a fresh start is always good.

i bid you good luck with your lady friend and all the happiness you deserve.

 

go for it man, be happy

 

-mr sad

[bettyboop401]

tbbearcat5 that's great news to hear! I hope all goes well.

 

Mr Sad...give it time. You're a great person and you deserve the best.

 

Betty!

[mr sad]

well i thought it would have been the end ... but no its not.

i still want to be her friend but over the last week we have seen eachother a few times and havent really talked.

this is not good at all. we've had the chance to talk but i think ive ruined our friendship as i predicted.

 

she thinks im pissed off at her, when im pre-occupied with other things and then when i can talk she doesnt want to talk to me. i tell her that im not pissed off at her and i dont think that cuts it, i dont know what to do.

what can i do to stay friends with her?