Is it possible to improve yourself and NOT find someone?

[carra]

Yes, not only is possible but it actually happens to some people. I am one of them.

 

In the last years I improved a lot of things. I became more social, made more friends, talked to more women, learned to dance, lost 25 pounds, dress better... the list goes on. Lately the improvement has been mainly mental, I am stronger emotionally and learned to know myself.

 

Only recently I became ready to live my life without any women, if necessary. And while it is liberating, I think this will always stay a thorn in my side. I gave my best efforts trying to make myself attractive, and I failed.

[jackie100]

@blueidealist24 I would think it is more about body image than looks.

I have seen many women whom have beautiful faces, but are over-weight,

And thus not very attractive to me; and the converse, for me, seems to be true:

A girl with a mediocre face but a stellar body is attractive.

But I have always seen it that people whom take care of their bodies care about themselves,

Or are trying to work on themselves, which can be very attractive.

 

I am female and I don't find that a woman who is in shape is immediately attractive. I am a size 0 and have defined abs and am toned everywhere; biceps, tricpes, calves, thighs, even my back. However, I'm Asian and naturally flatchested. I work out 4x a week and am extremely fit; probably in the 90th percentile of American females... I don't even compare myself to the average overweight American but I have never been close to overweight....

 

However, having small boobs and being short (barely 5 ft tall) makes me unattractive despite my toned body.

 

In order to truly have a stellar body in my opinion you would need to be fit but have boobs and ass. I am Asian and STILL would not have boobs even if I gained weight etc; it would simply all go to my stomach. I am not one of those lucky women who store fat in their boobs and asses. So no, being fit is nowhere near enough in order to have a "stellar" body. You need to be fit but with boobs.

[carra]

I am a size 0 and have defined abs and am toned everywhere; biceps, tricpes, calves, thighs, even my back

Are you sure you aren't TOO defined? I have always disliked muscular women, and I know of many other guys who do.

[jackie100]

Are you sure you aren't TOO defined? I have always disliked muscular women, and I know of many other guys who do.

 

I'm not too defined; only toned. I could care less what guys think since I am not interested in dating/getting married. I was making a point; that being in shape is not enough to make you attractive... You need to be tall (yes, even if you are female... I am way too short at 5 ft tall) and boob size matters too. Not attractive to men but attractive in general or attractive for myself...

 

Could care less what guys think is attractive in terms of definition. In MY opinion; being in shape is not enough to be attractive as a female; you need boobs and ass. So even though I am in shape it is not enough. Fitness is only the beginning. There are many things that can make a person of either gender unattractive such as features that are not symmetrical, a big nose, unusual features, being too short, being flat chested, having a flat ass (squats and deadlifts can do so much, they can't give you a Kim Kardashian booty).

 

Facial features are extremely important; you can IMPROVE you features somewhat by being slim but some people have weird facial proportions that nothing can help (big forehead, eyes too close or wide apart, big chin, overbite) etc.

 

Being in shape is only the BEGINNING or START... not the end... and certainly not enough.

[jackie100]

Are you sure you aren't TOO defined? I have always disliked muscular women, and I know of many other guys who do.

 

Why would I care what your opinion of my body is? I am not interested in dating you. What men think is irrelevant to me. My point is that being in shape is not enough to make anyone (male or female) attractive. You need the face, features, symmetry, perfect proportions (not just facially but in your body).

[carra]

Well I have to say I mistook you for the OP, that's why I told you that. Still, shouldn't you relax a bit? Next time, if you don't want opinions about you, maybe you shouldn't speak about yourself in forums. I don't care if you like my opinion or not, this forum is public and I have every right to say it

[itsallgrand]

Yes, it's possible to improve yourself and not find someone. That's the harsh reality sometimes. The bigger question is this, is that a reason to stop improving yourself?

 

Right on. ten characters.

[jackie100]

Well I have to say I mistook you for the OP, that's why I told you that. Still, shouldn't you relax a bit? Next time, if you don't want opinions about you, maybe you shouldn't speak about yourself in forums. I don't care if you like my opinion or not, this forum is public and I have every right to say it

 

I am relaxed.. This is my "relaxed" personality, believe it or not. I don't mind opinions about me; I am only refuting them or stating that they don't matter to me. It is my right to do so just as it is your right to say whatever you want. Did I ever say you had no right to your opinion? No. You have the right to state your opinion and I have the right to state that I don't care for them. (Never said it wasn't your right so don't put words in my mouth).

 

Of course you are entitled to your opinion. I never said you weren't... I merely said they were irrelevant to me. There is a difference.

[jackie100]

And to answer the OP's questions, yes it is possible for a person of either gender to improve themselves and be the best that they can be and still never find anyone. No one is guaranteed a relationship, gf or bf, fwb or spouse in life. There are no guarantees in life. You can be the best you can be and still be alone. Not meaning to put you down but it is the truth; nothing in life is guaranteed. Not everyone is meant to find love or a relationship or even something casual. There are no guarantees in life. Some people have bad luck. Life is not a fairy tale; you don't "win" a prize simply because you tried hard. There is no such thing as a happy ending. Finding someone is not ncessarily a happy ending either; most end up breaking up/divorcing. Some people will end up losing no matter how hard they try. That is life.

[FYI]

It's very possible; it happens everyday.

 

Some of us are just not going to ever find it, I believe. We're better off being single long before we even understand why. I personally don't really look forward to dating/relationships anymore. I did at one time in my life but not anymore. I'm far too scarred and bitter to really believe that there's somebody out there for a guy like me. So I no longer try. But that's me, you don't have to live your life in a cave like I do.

[epsilon2x]

The only instances where it worked was men who actively incorporated meeting women into part of their self improvement routine

 

I can agree with this. When you're successful, or when you're proud of how your life is currently going, you tend to act more confident and it's easier to pick up girls. By itself, working out, or being rich (unless you're uber rich) isn't going to make the girls swarm to you on its own. Generally when you're physically fit and make a decent living you are more willing to go out on dates because you believe that girls want you.

 

Usually when you hear people say stuff like "quit looking and improve yourself, girls will come"... They're either A). Feeling bad for you and trying to calm you down and get you to be productive. B.) They never dated much either and probably married their first or second gf. Or C.) She's a girl that's not completely ugly (I say this because it applies to any half decent looking girl) and has guys hitting on her.

 

You're always going to have girls that just want a hot guy. But these girls still want a guy who can talk well.

 

You're also always going to have girls that just go after rich guys. These girls usually still have standards about personality.

 

Then you have girls who claim "i only care about persononality"... sure whatever...

 

My point is.. regardless of how fit/success you are.. dating is a game. It takes practice. The ONLY way being fit or successful is going to be the secret weapon to picking up girls is if everyone thinks you're awesome because of it. Then girls like you because everyone else does.

 

I should know. I make good money with the business I own, but if I tell people what I do and just try to rely on the fact that I'm a business owner, it doesn't help me get any dates. Which is why I never talk about what I do or how much money I make. You need to actively seek out girls whether you're fat/skinny/muscular, or broke/wealthy.

 

Hope that helps.

[Lost in Thought]

Thank you for this reply. There are times on this site when SOME men come accross as having this entitled attitude. They seem to think they world owes them a beautiful woman, who is smart, funny, caring, independent, sexual adventurous, always smiles, never in a bad mood, who never has bad breath or a bad hair day, and puts no demands on the guy.

 

 

I would like to add that some guys on this site don't want to workout, improve their wardrobe, get a better job, still think it's okay to live at home, continue to be socially shy/awkward, and still be entitled to a beautiful hot chick.