Dinocaz Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 Ahh Enoters how are you all ? Today has been down for me Im surprised by it actually and frustrated at myself for what I have been feeling today. I knew this week was fast approaching when my daughter is off on her holidays with ex n man. And I have been working on myself to get used to the idea that life has changed forever. Doing well by all accounts....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but yesterday morning she left the building and misery descended upon me. The day only got progressivly worse as a company I have been doing work for on a self employed basis pulled the plug on me. Will spare you the painfull details. So worrys on money - (and if I will get paid what im owed) only added to my temporary demise. I managed to fill the gap with switching work to another company - and have some other things going. But less work meant more thinking time. Never a good idea when the sun is shining. I have been trapped today with memories from the past. Holidays we took together when all 3 kids saw each other as brother and sister. I have not been trapped by wanting my ex back. I still detest her as much as I did when we split and could think of nothing more stomoch churning than stepping back. I will forgive (but not yet only when I AM ready) But I miss my KIDS today yes I know this week had the potential for vunerble feelings with my D away from thursday for the next 12 days, but I thought I had worked out my own mind coping strat to deal with that. Seems not ? I cant wait for Saturday when I finally see my Son after all these months. But today is where the issue is. Why the hell am i thinking about the past ? Why on earth do I feel so cr@p ? Why do I want it to rain ? I took a shower as I was starting to turn industrial with how I looked , the water was good. Before that I had a call with a person who is becoming quite a dear friend. She speaks sense. Listens, talks, laughs. She picked up on some stuff. But then the phone call ends ................ silence. Its been a screwed up few days, Im shaky but still pushing forwards. Want the reminiss bull to leave me. Ahhhh just needed to get somthing out somewhere and EnotALONE!!! Seems the perfect place. Side note : did the usual rounds of calling my family members "you fancy a drink" - "the sun is out" "blah blah blah" all of them busy. No surprise they have there own lifes kids / partners , Gardens. But wished really wished one of them had had some time today. Looked at myself in the mirror after the bath. Saw I looked tired, didnt like so much of what I saw today .... lines round my eyes ... stresses. Tomorrow will take a shave - and count the days to my boy arriving. Somtimes we just not meant to work it all out. Keep fighting ! Link to comment
One day Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 Hi Dino, You to having a down day, I blame the weather must be hard to see your daughter go away on holiday without you but the upside will be when she returns eager to see you. Im sorry about your work situation damn flaky economy we are all in, hope you get things resorted out soon mate. I think what you and me need to realise is that yes even all this time down the line we are still going to have these down days, days of ruminating over the past (curse them) somethings we can't escape. But with time as our friend these days will become less frequent. Ha I know about the industrial look to well, I was only looking in the mirror this morning "tired" was the only description I could come up with. Then again I was sitting on my stairs this morning at 4am comfort eating a bowl of cereal looking out the window as suburbia slept. Not long to Saturday mate, middle of the week tomorrow and then just 2 days until you see your son Hope things pick up for you. Link to comment
Dinocaz Posted July 24, 2012 Author Share Posted July 24, 2012 Ah One Day thanks for the reply. You write well. Had a chuckle at the "curse them" bit. I can see the picture now 4am eating cornflakes or whatever as the world still sleeps. DumpedSters I think for a time live almost outside of the rest of the world. Strange days but as you said just a few days to when my son is in my arms and 1 day less of ruminated. Take good care Link to comment
FreeFallFeelin Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 Hey Dino, when I get those down (more than usual) days, I resign to books, movies, and bowling! Okay, bowling may not be your thing (yet), but for me, its something I picked up due to the breakup. I needed a safe haven that held no memories of the ex. Something easy, but enough to engage my mind on something else beside sadness. Working out is great too, but you can't work out all the time! Do you have a little something you can take up at any time on any given day that could serve as an escape? Link to comment
MasterPo Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 I'm glad you got it out on paper. It is nice to bleat and bleat hard at times. I hear you and since I'm lousy with advice this morning I shall give you some. lol Watch FORREST GUMP and go do something challenging. What?? I don't know. Run/walk the width of your city. Climb a hill/mtn/cliff that always seemed impossible (be sensible and carry a camera, I want a pic) and voila! one more day gone. Good luck! Link to comment
Dinocaz Posted July 24, 2012 Author Share Posted July 24, 2012 Some very sound advise from you guys , like the way you put "yet" about the bowling FreeFall , I did bowl a little years ago but was rubbish at it but I get where you coming from. I will be having a few rounds of pool with my little lad as well as a host of other nice things. Im looking forward to being a dad for him again, cooking his food, watching horror movies ... eating all the wrong foods. And Masterpro yep your right taking a day and changing it, somthing I should have done today instead of being idle with my own mind. Tomorrow I shall take up the challenge. God knows with what lol .... but that can be a challenge in itself. Onwards. Link to comment
StandingProud Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 Just to lighten the spirit here... I hope you don't mean crown-green bowling Link to comment
Dinocaz Posted July 25, 2012 Author Share Posted July 25, 2012 Ah just said goodbye to my D on FB ... she is so busy with her life. Had a moment of idiocy when I was about to type some garbage about why I have been a little quiet when she left ... was gonna say somthing on the lines of "sorry for being a bit quiet the other morning but felt a little weird knowing your on hols with your mum and her bf" I didnt! I stopped myself. Imagine if I had done that. Insane and so selfish. Somtimes we forget the virtues of No Contact which also extends to not bringing up the past with others especiall our children! Get A Grip Get A Grip Get A Grip ..... Link to comment
crashboombang Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 Then again I was sitting on my stairs this morning at 4am comfort eating a bowl of cereal looking out the window as suburbia slept. Lol, I swear I've never eaten so many late night bowls of cereal (bran flakes with soya milk fyi) in my life than I have since the BU... Link to comment
Moggs Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 Roll on Saturday for you... how old is your Son? I know how much my Son loves spending time with his Dad........ and just remember what doesn't kill us makes us stronger Link to comment
One day Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 Lol, I swear I've never eaten so many late night bowls of cereal (bran flakes with soya milk fyi) in my life than I have since the BU... Phew well I'm glad I'm not the only one who likes a early early morning bowl of cereal (FYI Jordans Crunchy Cereal Tropical Fruit) Link to comment
One day Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 Ah just said goodbye to my D on FB ... she is so busy with her life. Had a moment of idiocy when I was about to type some garbage about why I have been a little quiet when she left ... was gonna say somthing on the lines of "sorry for being a bit quiet the other morning but felt a little weird knowing your on hols with your mum and her bf" I didnt! I stopped myself. Imagine if I had done that. Insane and so selfish. Somtimes we forget the virtues of No Contact which also extends to not bringing up the past with others especiall our children! Get A Grip Get A Grip Get A Grip ..... You done well Dino, I think even if you had said it to your daughter, it was nothing bad, you could of said a lot worse. Not sure how old your daughter is? but I'm sure she understands the situation. But your right leaving your children out of the mess and emotions of the BU it is a noble and thoughtful gesture. Hope your fairing better today mate Link to comment
Dinocaz Posted July 25, 2012 Author Share Posted July 25, 2012 You done well Dino, I think even if you had said it to your daughter, it was nothing bad, you could of said a lot worse. Not sure how old your daughter is? but I'm sure she understands the situation. But your right leaving your children out of the mess and emotions of the BU it is a noble and thoughtful gesture. Hope your fairing better today mate My daughter is 16 so has some understanding of the situation - is aware but says little many times these days on it. Im so glad I did not send that message and know it was the right move. Strange dreams last night but did get more sleep than I had bargained for - head alot clearer today Link to comment
Dinocaz Posted July 25, 2012 Author Share Posted July 25, 2012 Roll on Saturday for you... how old is your Son? I know how much my Son loves spending time with his Dad........ and just remember what doesn't kill us makes us stronger Hi Moggs he is 14 now. And yes by what he is say he is excited coming over to the Uk. I am getting lots planned. It is another barrier I have gone through now - another test I have had to pass. Feeling stronger again today. Time to get motivated Link to comment
tness Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 Dinocaz, I feel your pain. And we all get setbacks. We can seem strong one day, but the next day we are just weak and wounderable. I'm not the right guy to give advice since I'm also there. But you are not alone... Link to comment
Dinocaz Posted July 25, 2012 Author Share Posted July 25, 2012 Dinocaz, I feel your pain. And we all get setbacks. We can seem strong one day, but the next day we are just weak and wounderable. I'm not the right guy to give advice since I'm also there. But you are not. Hey Tness thanks! This is what makes this site. Somtimes a 1 line sentance and a person does not feel like an isolated island of pain. Am rooting for YOU! Link to comment
Moggs Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 Hey Dinocaz, one more day for you !! hope the week hasn't dragged on too much for you, have been thinking about how your getting on, have had my kids go with their Dad on holidays and cried like a baby as I watched the plane take off! Enjoy your time with your son, and the Olympics in London - its all happening over there, enjoy :star: Link to comment
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