unanimous123 Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 Hey it's been a while I don't see this coming, but I can't help what I feel...or what I think I feel, whatever. Brief background: girlfriend and I live together for a year now and I love her. We've had our ups and downs like any relationship but when we fight, gf always threaten to break up and I feel like I am the only one giving so much effort in the relationship since I am always the one to ask her back and we always reconcile. Mainly, the cost of our fight is her alcohol intake. It seems to me like she can't live without alcohol since she drinks 2-3 times a week moderately and go binge drinking on weekends. I'm just really worried about her health. I call her out on it and she promised to change and said that she is decreasing her intake one step at a time but honestly, it doesn't look that way to me. Also, when we fight, she says the meanest things that you could ever imagine. She says later on that she just said that out of anger and not to believe a word she said. The problem is, I can't help but keep recalling all the hurtful words she said to me and how she could mean them, including wanting to break up. When we fight, she says she's not happy and wants out and how she doesn't want to be in a relationship, when sober I ask her again and she said she is happy and her actions say that she cares and loves me. While I am willing to wait for her to come around her alcohol problem, I, on the other hand, am losing interest...whether in her or in our relationship, that I can't quite figure out yet. Why am I losing interest? Am I supposed to be feeling this way? can it be something to do with her alcohol problem? the things she says when she's mad? I don't know and maybe some of you here has gone through this experience, please shed a light as I don't really know what to do anymore. Link to comment
Angel Irulan Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 Break up with her! No children, right? The time to get out is now. If you think the drinking is bad now, alcoholism is a progressive disease and it just gets worse as it goes along. She's not doing anything to get rid of the alcohol, so....if you don't want an alcoholic wife, you get rid of her now!!! Angel Link to comment
ToF Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 I think you deserve much better than this. Link to comment
JA0371 Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 Honestly...I used to he like your gf....not proud of it by ANY means. In fact I can't believe I ever acted that way. My advice? Stop taking her ****, and give her an ultimatum. If she does it again you are through for good...and if she does, follow up on it. Your gf is a mean drunk and you have a right to feel angry and resentful. She needs to take responsibility for her actions.....she can stop drinking if she wants to. And yes...it will get worse if she doesn't stop. No one deserves abuse. Best of luck.. Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 Move out when she is gone and leave only an AA pamphlet in your wake. The greatest kindness we can give is sometimes a cold shoulder. Link to comment
unanimous123 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Share Posted July 23, 2012 Your gf is a mean drunk and you have a right to feel angry and resentful. Best of luck.. I realized that some of the mean things she said were things she said when she was sober. Man, this is so effed up. Link to comment
ToF Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 What do you think you're going to do? Link to comment
unanimous123 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Share Posted July 23, 2012 What do you think you're going to do? I really don't want to leave her, but each time she does this, I am really tempted to do so, especially when **** comes out of her mouth. It's a complete turn off. Link to comment
ToF Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Try telling her how you feel, when she's sober. Link to comment
unanimous123 Posted July 24, 2012 Author Share Posted July 24, 2012 Try telling her how you feel, when she's sober. I guess I forgot to mention that she is the conflict-avoidant type, which means she'd rather not talk about difficult topics or will talk about it in her own terms... Link to comment
ToF Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 So in other words, she won't put forth the effort to fix the problems she is causing. Regardless of what "type" she is, she is being a crappy partner. There's absolutely nothing to be gained, here. My advice is to take some time away from her to figure out what's making you stay. And to decide if those reasons are really enough any more. Link to comment
unanimous123 Posted July 25, 2012 Author Share Posted July 25, 2012 Heya Tof, not until we had a serious talk about our relationship. Let's see how it goes from here... Link to comment
ToF Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 Right. But you've already said she's not the "type" to talk about things like this unless it's on her terms. To be honest, it sounds like you're fighting a losing battle. I believe fiercely in communicating with one's partner, don't get me wrong. Just know that your conversation will likely lead nowhere, except right back into the same cycle. Tell her what you've told us, and that you need it to change if you are going to continue the relationship. Then, tell her that you are going to take some time to yourself to let her decide what she's willing to do. Stick to that alone time, and see what happens. Link to comment
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