I want him back, how to act when he meets up with me as a friend?

[aphrodite12]

In short:

 

- 6-month relationship

 

- I am 22 and he is 24.

 

- He broke up with me four days ago, but he still loves me very much. He was really hurt by me (My bad temper has made me say very mean things to him) and so he couldn't see our relationship working anymore.

 

- He was crying and very emotional when he was ending our relationship. He said he wanted to be with me but that he just couldn't.

 

- I really really want him back, we might meet next week as friends, how do I conduct myself to make him want to be with me again? I understand that there might not be immediate results because I hurt him and he is healing, but to just get on the path to making him want me again?

 

And all the advice out there which says "Don't meet up with your ex too soon after a breakup"- this applies to people who want to move on, but I don't - I want him back, and while the flame of love for me that's inside him is still strong, I want him to see me to increase my chances.

 

Thank you

[dasilver]

Good for you for wanting to do something different.

 

If your 6 month relationship was truly a happy one and the ONLY reason why the two of you broke up was beacuse you said some mean things to him. You "might" still have a chance. I'm not sure how "mean' these words were but if they weren't too bad, all may not be lost.

 

I'm not one to remain "friends" with an ex i still have strong feelings for or who still has strong feelings for me. One of us usually ends up getting hurt.

 

If i were you i'd take a step back and allow your guy some breathing space. This gives him time to reflect and hopefully miss you.

 

If you keeping popping up where he is...It might tick him off.

 

If you insist on being his friend however...i would tread very carefully so as not to push him away (and hold your tongue).

 

Good luck!!!

[SuperDuper]

You have a temper -- that is probably what needs fixing first and foremost. If you're concentrated on "getting him back" or "increasing your chances".... it seems like you're not fully focusing on the issue that lost him in the first place. Are you capable of controlling your temper in the future? Perhaps you need anger management counselling.

 

I say this because, if you really want to be with this guy for the long-haul, then you will likely only get ONE more chance, if any. If you don't get your anger issues under control then in time once you two become comfortable again, your true self will shine through and he'll realize he made a massive mistake and will never return. If you're adamant on seeing him next week, you better sit down with yourself and truly try to understand what makes you freak out on him.

 

His guard will likely be WAY up and its your responsibility to show him that you screwed up and didn't mean the things you said (unless you did mean them). It's ultimately his choice if he wants you back or not, you can't make him want you. All you can do is BE the person you want to be, and hope that it's who he desires -- and I don't think the person he desires has a bad temper.

[Mellie]

I think you need to calm it down. You need to be cheerful - show him the best side of you. If you start apologising or begging or any of that, it's toast.

 

If you're meeting on a friends basis, I wouldn't initiate any kind of conversation about the breakup at all. If he does, sure, own up to your part in the breakup and apologise for that. Say he made the right call and it really wasn't working how it was. What you have to show is you accept his decision - respect it.

 

You can't make him want to be with you again. You can make him not want to be with you again, and I think coming on too strong is a sure fire way of doing that. Show him the best side of you - that's all you can do. You have to be able to keep it up though. After the meeting you go your separate ways - he may not want to meet up again. You have to be prepared to accept that. He may pull out of seeing you or drop off the radar entirely. His life may have moved on. He could be seeing someone else. This is why people advise not meeting up too early. Because it's incredibly difficult to control your emotions. That and the fact that you want them to miss you. And you don't want them to think you're needy - you're the prize not the granted.

 

Good luck. Don't pin your hopes on it though. You have to remain sufficiently disaffected by it to do the nonchalence thing. If you're not sufficiently disaffected, it could backfire.

 

Oh, and I'd let any suggestion for a meetup come from him.

[aphrodite12]

Thank you guys, your words are very wise and are helping me a lot. Your wisdom is bringing up thoughts in me which are very important.

 

Mellie, you have alerted me to a fact that did not occur to me- that no matter how much I plan to be nonchalent about the breakup when we meet, would I end up breaking down in front of him, just like I did when he was breaking up with me. This would be very dangerous so I think I won't let us meet until 2 weeks after that day. I am just hoping he doesn't lose any love for me by then, that's the thing

[saroec]

I wouldn't worry about him 'losing love' for you in a matter of a couple of weeks. If he loves you or feels anything for you, he'll come back to you, willing to work it out. That's how I see it anyway.

 

My ex tells me he lost love for me over the last couple of months we were together.. he never showed it, so I can't bring myself to believe it. I will see him for the last time in 3 weeks time after he gets back from his holiday, and I can tell you, I don't worry about him losing any more love for me as the damage has been done already, the important factor is whether he (your ex or mine!) thinks the relationship is worth working on and saving.