help staying strong!

[antigone77]

Hi guys --

 

You all are so wonderful about supporting each other and even giving each other some tough love! I could use some help staying strong.

 

My situation in a nutshell:

My bf and I were together 2 1/2 years. We had a falling out after a trip and I stupidly broke up with him out of anger and hurt (6 months ago) and then we got back together. Pre that break-up we had talked about getting married. Post-breakup, thing degenerated and we kept breaking up. Finally, he said "I can't take this pain any more" and said we couldn't get back together again. (That was 1 month ago). He said he still loves me with all of his heart, that I'm still the most beautiful woman he's ever met, and that he's still in love with me. He said we're going to have to build a friendship for there ever to be a chance to get back together.

 

I initiated NC for 2 1/2 weeks because I was having a hard time accepting the break up. I called him last week and he said he was really glad to hear my voice. We talked again one time after that.

 

He hasn't called again, but I'm really worried that I'm not doing enough to build the friendship that he's asking for.

 

Yet, I feel like he should call me if he really wants that friendship.

 

I'm having a REALLY hard time not calling him again; woke up with nightmares in the middle of the night and woke up crying this morning.

 

My question to you guys is: Do I call or not call? Should I wait, and how long?

 

I would really, REALLY appreciate any thoughts you guys have because I'm really a mess today.

[CarterJonas]

hi,

 

Firstly your emotions are perfectly normal following a breakup. Try and fill your time with things to take your mind off the situation.

 

I myself would find it difficult to be immediate friends with an ex., especially if she had broken up with me, because I would probably want more than just friendship. I myself would either break off all contact with him, or if there is a chance in the relationship, try and work things out with him. Probably best to try and have a heart to heart with him and decide from there. If need be you call him.

 

good luck

[MattTheStudent]

If you want him back, and you want to be with him, call him and spend some time together, and just communicate- talk alot about your feelings, ask him his feelings, and be sure that you are both being totally honest. Think about what he says, give it a couple of days or a couple of weeks, and then decide what you want to do. If you don't want to be with him, I would suggest NC. As a guy who's been there, I know it's too hard to go through the whole keeping in contact thing after a breakup, wondering if she still wants me or not- you owe it to yourself to think about what it is that you miss- him specifically, or just someone to be with?

[spidartanks]

What i would say is go along with what he wants. dont obey his every command.

give him some space, i would wait for him to phone you definantly and wait for him to ask to do anything.

dont be so available for him, he will realise that you arent falling head over heels for him and want what he cant have sort of deal.

 

when you talk let him do the talking, dont go into too much emotions, concentrate on having a good time only. make a good friendship before getting any closer. if there is a chance of getting back together. sparks might start to fly and you will be attracted to eachothe like never before and your hearts will take over...

 

let him see what a great person you are by you being the bigger person and accepting the friendship that he wanted to begin..

 

Baby steps...just agree you will be friends even though you do not mean it., he has to know how you feel so it doenst need to be discussed...

 

i hope this helps your day out a little..

[DBL]

To me a break up is a break up. Especially if you had some small series of break ups. Why string it along? If it is meant to be it will be. Personally I have never went back to any girlfriend after a break up. I have a one day rule...any longer then one day, there is no reconsideration.

 

If you are unsure, give it one more attempt...it no success, move on.

 

DBL