Should I e-mail her? It's been so long...

[mike-e-mike]

My ex broke up with me ages ago now (about a year and a bit) and we didn't end well, I kinda said something along the lines of 'do me a favour and never contact me again' at the very end. It has been ages and its soppy etc but I've never been so close friends with anyone and I really miss it now.

 

I know her email is still the same as before and part of me desperately wants to contact her but the other part of me is still so bitter and angry at the way she treated me. I'm also very scared she'll be in a new serious relationship and tell me to get lost.

 

I don't want to get back together with her, I think I just really miss talking to that person who knew me so well and whos company I used to enjoy so much. I'd like help with what to do, I've tried time, I've had a lot of time. My feelings of anger toward her have subsided and I talk about her with no bitterness but when I am back in an area we used to be together in (I have moved but my family live where she lives, and where we used to spend time together) I find all the feelings rushing back. I haven't seen or spoke to her in a very long time.

 

The main problem with sending her an email is I'm really not sure what to say and not sure what I want to hear, I don't want to bring back all those horrible feelings I had. I'm just hoping that maybe if I start talking to her again I can finally get over it all somehow, because like I said, it's been over a year now and I still find myself dreaming about her and genuinely missing how close we were.

 

I'd appreciate any thoughts you can offer, thankyou, whoever you are.

[veronica79]

Absolutely - email her, it's been a year! Just keep it casual. "Just thinking about you and wondering how you're doing. Hope you're well. here's what I've been up to"

etc

 

-v

[mike-e-mike]

Do you think that doing that will give her the wrong impression? I'm not sure if I want to be friends with her I think I just kind of want to lay it all to rest.

 

Thanks for replying!

[mtastic]

Hi Mike,

 

I'm in a similar situation. For me, this week will mark 6 months since my girlfriend dumped me, it ended with me beggin and peading and generally being bothersome too her. I've been thinking about co0ntacting her as well, as initially she did want to stay friends, and seemed like she was actually committed to friendship for a while until i started acting like an idiot. Since we stopped talking (about 5 months and change), i've been trying hard to get over her, but still keep thinking about her. But like you i don't really know what I would say in such a letter, i mean contacting her after this long with a simple "Hey, hows it going?" doesn't seem like it would be enough, but then I don't want to start in talking about the breakup and make her think I'm trying to get back together with her (which I don't intend to, plus she's got a new boyfriend). I also don't know if i could do it just because there is a chance she could always just not respond, and i would be left hanging again, or that she would respond with something I don't want to hear.

 

I think if you feel like you can handle what ever she might say, you should go ahead with it, try to keep it short, the last thing she need is a rambling email from her ex boyfriend, you don't want her to think you're nuts. D't bring up the relationship or breakup either, save that for later, even an apology let her bring it up when/ if she's comfortable with it. Also, be prepared to be viewed as "crawling back" to her, as you were the one to say you didn't want to har from her in the first place.

 

Hope that helped,

mtastic

 

 

P.S> I can't believe its not butter!

[Mix Maxster]

man mtastic that's odd how similar your situation is to me too.

Because my 6 month mark was just very recent and my ex TOO was wanting to be friends at first until i acted like an idiot and pushed her away. Now she wants nothing to do with me and I only talk to her on MSN from time to time which I now don't do anymore. I also begged and pleaded and did all the wrong things to push her away. I don't even THINK there's hope for me AT ALL. I am so much doubting that.

 

as for you Mike, just send it. What's going to be different? You either keep on the track of never talking or hearing from her or you contact her which could lead you back to where you are now, but with one difference. YOU MADE AN ATTEMPT to get contact which doing nothing doesn't get. If you contact her, it's likely she will be surprised and would respond to you asking how you were and what have you.

 

Max

[MattTheStudent]

Just think about it before you act- be careful- it might just be that you miss the feelings you felt when you were with her, but not actually her. Good luck my friend. Oh yeah- have you tried talking to someone about your feelings during that relationship? I've been through similar situations and I find that just getting it out there, talking about it, helps alot.

[mike-e-mike]

Thanks for all your help guys I'll take it into account, I'm still not sure whether or not I'll mail her. I suppose it's not such a big deal, and I can take the moral high ground for making the effort. I will keep it short and sweet I guess, but I'm still going to have a think about it.

 

Thanks again