Bi-sexual boyfriend wants me back - help!

[bunnychick79]

I'm having an odd time just now, just starting final year of degree & I was recently devestated when my boyfriend split up with me because he was sexually confused, and thought that because he had gay fantasies he was gay and now realises it wasn't that big a deal and just needed to tell me - he loves me and thinks he's made a big mistake.

 

I've told him that I won't be going anywhere with him unless he seeks counselling to learn how to express himself and deal with his past, and current issues.

 

I have no problem with bi-sexuality - I would consider myself to be so myself, but know that when I am commited to a relationship that's who matters, regardless of their sex.

 

He agrees.

 

I'm not sure how I can trust his feelings again, not sure what he can give me. I've told him that he has to prove himself to me and tell me what he can give me because I'm fed up of doing all the talking and running.

 

What's your take on all of this?

[ComputerGuy]

Well I think you did a good thing telling him straight up where you stand, that way he has all the details to work out where he stands...no guessing games needed. If he really wants you back, he will prove it to you in one way or another......he is going to have to get ur trust back on any account, as trust is one of the main bases for a relationship.

 

As for current and past issues....I don't know what they are (outside of sexuality) so counselling may/may not be necessary but if that's what it would take to get ur trust back, if he wants you bad enough he will do it in my opinion.

 

Good luck and keep us posted

[Cadence308]

I agree with ComputerGuy. I'm not sure what those other issues are besides sexuality that your boyfriend may have, but I think counseling would be good at any rate. He needs to earn your trust again before you two can even begin to have a healthy relationship again. I think that most people need counseling. Have you two thought about couples counseling to get out your frustrations, fears, and problems? It may help.

[bunnychick79]

Yeah, i had thought of couples counselling.

The reason I want him to go is that he had developed agoraphobic tendencies a year and a half into the relationship and he changed completely because of it.

I think it was because he was bottling things up. I'm just afraid that it will happen again and no matter how good a listener i am i believe that he needs someone totally objective to teach him how to be more in touch with his feelings.

I have benefited from counselling myself, so I know how much it can help.

 

I'm just totally confused because now that he wants me i'm wondering if i want him - he was never supportive enough and i find it hard to believe it when he says he can be.

I really do love him, but this whole thing has made me lose some respect for him and he has a lot to prove.

[Cadence308]

Do you think that you could tell your ex that you two can be friends nothing physical or sexual and allow things to progress with him or both of you in counseling and see how things go? It really sounds like you weren't happy in the past with several aspects of your relationship and you sound scared that the same things may happen. I think that is perfectly normal; if it didn't work the first time, why should it the second? However, I think if you both want it badly enough and the appropriate changes can be made, then it can work.

[bunnychick79]

Hi, I took your advice and am going to counselling myself next week - he says he will start too and the counsellor will be glad to deal with us both together.

It's true, I can't commit to more than just talking and the odd coffee right now - trust is such an important thing.

Thanks guys

[Cadence308]

I am so glad that you figured out a compromise. I think it will be good for both of you, no matter what happens.

 

Keep us posted!