bunnychick79

Hi, I took your advice and am going to counselling myself next week - he says he will start too and the counsellor will be glad to deal with us both together. It's true, I can't commit to more than just talking and the odd coffee right now - trust is such an important thing. Thanks guys

Yeah, i had thought of couples counselling. The reason I want him to go is that he had developed agoraphobic tendencies a year and a half into the relationship and he changed completely because of it. I think it was because he was bottling things up. I'm just afraid that it will happen again and no matter how good a listener i am i believe that he needs someone totally objective to teach him how to be more in touch with his feelings. I have benefited from counselling myself, so I know how much it can help. I'm just totally confused because now that he wants me i'm wondering if i want him - he was never supportive enough and i find it hard to believe it when he says he can be. I really do love him, but this whole thing has made me lose some respect for him and he has a lot to prove.

I'm having an odd time just now, just starting final year of degree & I was recently devestated when my boyfriend split up with me because he was sexually confused, and thought that because he had gay fantasies he was gay and now realises it wasn't that big a deal and just needed to tell me - he loves me and thinks he's made a big mistake. I've told him that I won't be going anywhere with him unless he seeks counselling to learn how to express himself and deal with his past, and current issues. I have no problem with bi-sexuality - I would consider myself to be so myself, but know that when I am commited to a relationship that's who matters, regardless of their sex. He agrees. I'm not sure how I can trust his feelings again, not sure what he can give me. I've told him that he has to prove himself to me and tell me what he can give me because I'm fed up of doing all the talking and running. What's your take on all of this?

God, thanks. Vice versa - i know how you're feeling right now, it's so confusing and hard to understand that if they love you - then isn't that enough? But you're right - we deserve something better, more stable than this. I could never get back with Steve because i just couldn't trust his feelings anymore, same as you. If you want to email or message that would be nice - someone to bounce feelings off with out feeling stupid? Anyway - I could let myself write about how i'm feeling for hours, and there's no point cos' you know. Please take care and remember that it has to be better this way - even tho' it's unbelievable painful right now. Thanks for the kind words - Kathryn*

Now that bit makes sense - the first bit doesn't. There is nothing wrong with being gay. It is scary when you're struggling with who you are, sexually of otherwise, and I'm sure you just want to be like everyone else - it's just that if you think about it 'everyone else' is made up of a lot of gay people too, and at your age an awful lot of them don't know quite what they are either. If there is anyone you can talk to then go for it. If not, I would recommend calling a lesbian/gay/bi helpline - they have all been through it and can help you to feel more comfortable and secure in yourself. Take care and don't push yourself too hard Kathryn*

What? that is not helpful. My boyfriend had just split up with me after 3 years of lying to himself because he is gay. I would say that if someone comes along who you like go for it - male or female and just be honest with them and yourself. I'm bi-sexual and made that clear from the start. It really is the person inside who matters - you don't have to 'be' anything. Just yourself.

Thanks, I know it'll eventually be ok. Saw him today, we really are the best of friends. I'm still pining though. Hope someone out there is going through the same thing and we can commisserate together! Oh, my heart.

Hi there, I posted this on an old thread but had no replies. Just need some help with this. 2 weeks ago now my boyfriend of 2 and a half years split up with me because he's sexually confused. I cried for three days solid and thought that the pain would never end. I had begged him for hours to try and make it work before I managed to drag the truth out of him. It's just sad. I know that 'm lucky that this didn't happen 20 years down the line. I'm very much in love with him & he said that he still is in love with me and that he never stopped finding me attractive, but had felt so guilty when he had these feelings that he couldn't go on being with me. Despite all of this pain - I agree. He has to work it out on his own. And there is no chance of us ever getting back together. I feel like my other half has been ripped away though, he's my best friend and i'll just have to live with that. My head tells me that I'll be ok, I'll eventually meet someone else - but I hurt so much all the time. Crying in the street is not cool. The saying 'If you love someone, set them free' becomes more relevant than ever. I know I'm not the only one who has gone through this and I hope there's someone out there who is going through the same. Please contact me someone. Thanks, BunnyX