Help..as my fear doesnt allow me to have vaginal intercourse

[Madxter]

Hi guys.. I am totally new here.. I found this interesting so i thought of discussing my problem with u guys i hope u'd help me

So,i was virgin and still AM.. i am married for 2 years .. I am 24 n still i couldnt have sex.. In the starting i thought theres problem with my husband.. But now i came to know about vaginismus.. I went to see a gyno n she told me its just in your mind..the fear n all that..

And seriously i fear of intercourse pain thats it..

Right now, i have started removing my fear by inserting my fingers with KY jelly.. N its really helping me.. I can insert my two fingers now but yeah with some pain ..

Any more advice u ppl want to give me? That'd me really helpin for me.. I want to have a baby

Please help me..

[Jody675]

i take it you have obviously talked to your husband about this? if not, start there and tell him everything. if you have, then the two of you could start by enjoying each others bodies and tell him what you are happy with doing (i.e. 2 finger insertion). if you know that you are not going to have sex and that you are both happy with the boundaries then you can relax. then increase the fingers, or get some small sex toys. your vagina is a muscle that is designed to stretch, and yes at first it might be uncomfortable, but the first time it might even hurt a little, but honestly, it isn't the kind of pain that will kill you.

 

you might want to ask yourself more relevant questions as why are you so scared of pain, and in particularly sex? is there another reason (maybe something happened when you were younger)? did your parents fill your head with all sorts of ideas of how terrible sex is, in order to not get you to have sex too early? you might want to find the answers to why you are so scared as well as doing the physical side.

 

the other question is that you only want to have sex with your husband in order to have a child. sex is about intimacy. sharing something that you share only with one person (normally). not just a means to conceive. do you really love this guy if you weren't willing to find the solution to your issues until it was something you wanted? does he not want sex with you? how does he feel about never having had sex with his wife? do you talk about this? if you are scared to have sex because of the pain, what are you going to be like during childbirth? hope you sort this out and find out what the real issue is for i doubt it is about you being just scared of the pain.

[karben]

Not to sound shallow or anything, but men need sex. People need sex. You need to buck up and just do it. Id start extremely slow. Lots and lots of foreplay. Let him do what he wants and don't stop him. Just tell him to go extremely slow with everything. I feel like im getting trolled as I've never heard of this before. Just keep up with the ky and fingers for a bit longer and then just dive right in. You're almost to your sexual peak and your guy is way passed his. You need to do this. If you do it once, I guarantee you'll love it. Sex it amazing, not only does it feel amazing but the connection between you and your guy will skyrocket. I promise that.

[MollyGirl]

Sex for the first time didn't really hurt much for me. If you've been inserting your fingers then your hymn should be broken there for pain shouldn't be an issue anyway. Everyone's different so don't be scared of something like that.

 

Your way over thinking sex. How about trying to have a nice romantic dinner with your hubby, followed by a bath together.. get in the mood... the mood to make love..

[Madxter]

Jody .. I have talked to my husband about this n hes so cooperative n caring .. He understands my fear n advised me to insert fingers ..

Umm no i dont have any such previous problem like sexual abuse or anything..

I just fear that my vagina is too small n how can a penis enter into that.. Its really scary n i know i am being so stupid n acting like a child but i cant help it..

[Madxter]

Thank u karben .. U lifted my spirit up

And yes we do lots of foreplay

[annie24]

Hi - I think that your gyno didn't really explain things to you well. It does sound like you have vaginismus, and yes, while it is "in your head" in a sense, the advice to "just get over it and do it" isn't very helpful. Have you gone to link removed there are a lot of articles. You can also order a dialator set that goes from the size of a finger, to a very large male penis in several different steps. They have work books and you can do the exercises to try to relax your mind and body.

 

And no, your vagina is NOT TOO SMALL for a penis. Remember, if a baby can fit in there, so can a penis.

[Madxter]

Thanks annie24 this site is very informative..

I guess m losing my fear through my fingers.. I'll try with my 3 fingers now..

[annie24]

do you have any dildos? i would really look into those, including the dialators on the site. they come in many sizes, so it would be good to experiment with a smaller/thinner one for a while before going onto the real thing.

 

have you included your husband in this - ie, letting him finger you and so on?

[Madxter]

No i dont have any dildo ..

 

And NO i havent let my husband fingering me .. Again 'FEAR'

[annie24]

Ok, I recommend you buy that dialators set today, along with the workbooks. And work on letting your husband start by fingering you. Tell him to go slow and use his pinky at first. Then you can work your way up.

[Madxter]

So, just to let u guys know ..

 

I have removed my fear m sure of that.. I have learned to keep my muscles relaxed.. But couldnt buy those dilaters.. I guess my fingers are enough ?!

 

He STILL aint able to insert his penis .. M confused.. What could be the reason ?

 

P.s. He can fingure me with his index fingure now

[annie24]

Have you been to the gyn?

[Madxter]

I have been to 3 different gyn but they told me its perfectly ok.. They all checked it through their fingers..

 

I am really getting worried now.. :s ..

[annie24]

I think worrying will make things worse. You got your husbands finger in, that's great. Now work on 2 fingers

[Madxter]

Thank u annie u've been so helpful..