Socially Awkward?

[Dougie_D]

So, I've been getting a lot of my friends to say that I'm kind of socially awkward.

 

I don't think I've ever been socially awkward.

 

I've had people say "that came out of nowhere"

 

Is that the reasoning why I'm socially awkward?

 

What are things that may come up when talking in conversation or just being around people that may make people think that person is socially awkward?

 

Maybe this is some problem I have and I don't really know it?! Girls don't like socially awkward people.

 

One friend told me that I would go to several groups and just stand there and go off to another. Is that socially awkward?

 

I mean, I feel pretty silly in a group when people are yapping about something I know nothing about.

[pinkelephant]

Yea, you're probably awkward. but who cares? If it's who you are, then it's who you are. Just own it. Kristen Steward is awkward as hell, probably the most awkward person to ever walk this earth and she is the highest paid actress right now.

 

 

I said awkward so many times in this post. Awkward. lolll -.-

[blueidealist24]

It would be awkward if you just abruptly left one group in the middle of a conversation, like you were bored, and went to another, but it's not horrible. I've seen a lot more awkward things than that.

 

I think socially awkward people often have weird expressions on their faces, like their eyes darting around nervously, or staring at people too much by accident. Their body language is often bad, like standing with their arms crossed, or they move around too much, like constantly shuffling their feet.

 

If you are in fact socially awkward, there's one good thing about finding that out, it would explain why you're having trouble finding a gf.

[NoSoulNoLove]

I have one eye bigger then the other from nerve damage sooo when it comes to ackward you have nothing on me... lol!

[Glowguy]

I think part of being socially awkward is that you don't realize that you are. I do think body language has a lot to do with it and that's something I've always had an issue with. I don't pick up on other people's body language well unless it's really obvious and I also have some quirky tendencies with mine that turn people off. It's really difficult to change those kinds of things since they are basically unconscious habits. I tend to think the most socially awkward people are those who need to be the constant center of attention and they only care about what they are talking about.

[Alezia]

Just by seeing your posts on ENA, I can tell that you are socially awkward. This doesn't come off as a big reveal itself, and some people may be more tolerant than others of this in you. It's not generally an attractive feature to have in a potential partner, so I can definitely see how this would steer away some ladies.

 

The biggest things that come to mind in someone who is socially awkward are the following: (These don't relate to you specifically, therefore don't take them as personal insults. Just try to see if they could apply to you)

- Unable to contribute to conversations in a group situation. If you sit there and watch but never talk, you are probably socially awkward.

- You are off synch with the rest of the group ex: you are quiet when everyone else is laughing, or you laugh when everyone is quiet.

- You can't feel the underlying tensions or emotions behind a conversation. Ex: You joke about something that is particularly sensitive to someone, even though it is known.

- You call attention to yourself or ask for clarifications at a really inopportune time, such as in the middle of a heated discussion or when two specific people are excited.

- You have little to no self confidence, so you try 'too hard' to please or impress in a group setting.

- You are still 5 years behind in mentality, maturity, or "fashion" (not talking about clothes here).

[SpottiOtti]

OP,

 

For you does "socially awkward" = "socially anxious"?

 

I've noticed that people who do the things Alezia described (great post btw) are sometimes so incredibly anxious. It's like the roar of anxiety (the physiological symptoms) override conscious thought. If this is so for you, maybe attacking the anxiety would lead to less "social awkwardness".

 

The good thing is that if you pay attention to the things you're missing, like underlying tensions and such, you may learn how to be less socially awkward.

[Dougie_D]

- Unable to contribute to conversations in a group situation. If you sit there and watch but never talk, you are probably socially awkward.

- You are off synch with the rest of the group ex: you are quiet when everyone else is laughing, or you laugh when everyone is quiet.

- You can't feel the underlying tensions or emotions behind a conversation. Ex: You joke about something that is particularly sensitive to someone, even though it is known.

- You call attention to yourself or ask for clarifications at a really inopportune time, such as in the middle of a heated discussion or when two specific people are excited.

- You have little to no self confidence, so you try 'too hard' to please or impress in a group setting.

- You are still 5 years behind in mentality, maturity, or "fashion" (not talking about clothes here).

 

--- Well, when I try to contribute to something I don't know, I think that makes people think I'm stupid or awkward. I don't know anything about politics, so if the topic is about politics I just don't contribute. Also, I don't have stories. I do better when I'm steering the topic. I can't really talk about my experiences because they are not "as cool" or "funny". I'm not a good storyteller. People have even said that. They have said "Let me tell the story Doug, you'll get them confused"... which is pretty accurate. I get SIDE-TRACKED a lot.

-- Because there are things that I don't know what they are talking about, I'll either lose focus, or I'll be thinking about what was said earlier and when I figure out what I wanted to say/ask/comment they are like: "Dude, where were you? We got off that topic 3 minutes ago?" And then I look dumb or socially awkward.

--- I'm really good about making sure I don't say anything to really hurt someone's feeling.

*** but, I do admit, I have come off vulgar and I've asked strange questions just to "rattle someone" or just to be a gross ******* on purpose because I know that other people will laugh. It's almost like a dare, but I dare myself.

Maybe that's part of "social anxiety"? I don't know what to say or I don't know what they are really talking about so I make and do obscene things just for the attention? But after awhile, when it's the same group, it becomes not a big deal and my friends expect it...but when I meet new people I think I "try to hard" to impress them. So how does someone not try to hard? If I don't do crazy things, then I'm still going to be awkard no matter what.

***But when it's one - on - one... I don't ever do that, and that's really when I "win" someone over and they become comfortable with me. But I can never get one on one time with a brand new person. That's what KILLS me.

[SpottiOtti]

Dougie,

 

Try being a great listener in groups. I feel awkward sometimes too because I don't know what to say (like when you're with a bunch of people who have all known each other awhile and they are telling stories about stuff that is super situational and there's no way a newcomer could contribute to the convo). (I hate that!)

 

Anyway, if you don't know what to say about the topic, think of it as a learning experience. Think, "Hmm, I wonder what this person knows about the healthcare bill" or whatever, and listen to them. Pretend they are a lecturer, and you are taking their class. Ask them questions. Boom! You're in the conversation. Also, you will learn something you didn't know before.

 

Then, the next time you are in a group and people are talking about the healthcare bill, you can say, "You know, I was talking to a guy the other day and he said __________. I was thinking, and (insert your opinion here). Boom! You are in the conversation.

[Dougie_D]

Try being a great listener in groups. I feel awkward sometimes too because I don't know what to say (like when you're with a bunch of people who have all known each other awhile and they are telling stories about stuff that is super situational and there's no way a newcomer could contribute to the convo). (I hate that!)

 

Yeah, but it apparently it's "socially awkward" when you just stand there listening to something and then you get aggravated. Then what do you do? That's usually when I just leave the conversation and group. That's probably about 80% of the time.

 

Pretend they are a lecturer, and you are taking their class

If I'm taking a class I am interested in, I'll want to be more involved and ask questions and such..but when it's a topic or class I don't care about, I won't really care. Also, it's kind of a catch 22. Especially if there are girls around. If I ask questions about the topic, the girls may think I'm not that intelligent or it's something that I don't have in common with her about.

 

Then, the next time you are in a group and people are talking about the healthcare bill, you can say, "You know, I was talking to a guy the other day and he said __________. I was thinking, and (insert your opinion here). Boom! You are in the conversation.

 

My opinion has to matter apparently. I've expressed my opinions on things and people look at me like I'm a loony. I have a very creative mind, which usually means I'm not really that logical on certain things. Also, people get annoyed with me because I don't understand things that quickly! The healthcare thing actually did come up with my friends and I kept on asking what the deal was and what it was. They looked at me and were frustrated because I didn't "know" what was happening. I got insurance, healthcare, etc...but I don't get into details because I've always had it. I never had to worry about it. It doesn't affect me so why should I care? I had a real hard time with it.

 

I guess the thing that makes me different from other people is that the way I was raised. I don't have the same problems as other people. I didn't have my first job until I was 24. I didn't have my first "real" roommates until I was 28. I'm basically 10 years behind in "life experiences".

[charis32]

i find socially awkward boys quite charming actually. Just be yourself

[hazlcha]

Which means you may live ten years longer! I am reminded of the Danny Kaye song about the Ugly Duckling. I didn;t fit in to a lot of the cliques in junior high and high school. Only later did I find my niche.'''Everyone is socially awkward in unfamiliar territory, to some exent. The confident person doesn't let that bother them, and tries to talk to all people. Still, they need to find people who share interests, and build relationships with them.

[Pineapplejuice]

I haven't read all the responses but I wanna say I'm kinda like that too. Differs day by day and I'm loosing up sometimes... But It's really socially awkward. But, get used to it. It takes time to improve your skills. Like, I'm working on this all my life but don't rush it: as I said it takes time and you don't want to (and you can't, actually) hurry that progress.