what am i

[gab444]

I hope after saying this i will feel better from the respones i get.

I meet my Ex about 6months ago and it just looked to me like she was my final stop in terms of who to spend the rest of my life with. she told me everything about her past which made me even apprecaites more. for me i have been more of the church guy that doesn't believe in pre marital sex and we discussed this before we started going out. i told her my limits even though i hadn't tried them before but i was willing to flex out a little bit since lack of romance could ruin a relationship, but everytime we played around i felt bad but i didn't want to make her feel bad by showing the way i felt about it. i tried telling her once that we should control things but it just didn't work so things kept on happening and i was getting closer to losing it. we had a problem that we were trying to get over which was clearly my fault and i tried everything possible to resolve things but it was just hard bcos she tells her mum everything and her mum will always try to protect her which is not a wrong thing but it puts me on edge. i told her we should always try to resolve thing ourselves before involveing other but her mum was always the first to hear about everything.

what finally broke the camels back was when we went out for dinner and i had a little to drink which made me a little bolder that usual and we got home and started our usual thing but i could not control myself and things happened she told me to remember my vows but i was too confused to hear and she pushed me off and i became sober and cried like a little boy not bcos i lost my virginity but bcos i was that careless with someone i love so much she cried and called me names and said i was just like everyone else despite that fact that i never pressured her for sex for one second right now i feel all the guilt in the world and dont know if i can forgive my self bcos i betrayed her trust, not intentionally but i should not have being that careless. she still claims she loves me but we just can't be together again i still love her very much and wish we get back together but i dont know what to think.

what am i pls someone should help me

[stolenshadow]

Hello, don't feel bad about what happened, I think the 2 of you acted ambiguously, you wanted do to one thing but thought it was better to not do it, it's ok if you wanted to remain a virgin but you loved her and she loved you too, Was that too wrong?.

 

I would just be concerned about how she became angry, calling you names and saying you were like everyone else, that was unfair, you were a virgin too.

 

I guess she's your ex now and you're probably not talking to each other, I would try to talk to her just once more, let her know you loved her and then leave it to her, she seems like she's not ready for a serious relationship but give it time and think about what you want.

Good Luck.

[DBL]

Ummm...unless I missed something, but isn't that rape or something?

I'm not sure if I read that right.

 

DBL

[Cryssi]

I don't believe it's sex... She had her part to play in it too. Any woman can see the effect they have on men, especially when they play around. Gab, this girl has triggered some things in your body that no guy can control unless they have years in training to do so... You are human before all, and you responded like a human. And even more if you drank, she should have known not to make you want her.

 

I believe that she has been immature and irresponsible towards you. And for the main reason that I don't think it was sex, is because I don't think you were just as drunk to be that forceful to her... She probably wanted it, too, then either got afraid or regretted it. So don't put all the blame on yourself, alright?

 

Please take care and drop me a word if you need to talk ^_^

[anotherone]

About her mother: One of the major factors for my divorce was her Mom's involvement in our life. We lived together for five years without her Mom involvement and we were very close. We always call each other 2 or 3 times a week. We supported each other for everything and life was great. We got divorce after 1 year her Mom moved in with us from overseas to our house. Growing up she was very close to her Mom and her dad always work overseas. He was not available for 4 to 5 month at a time. It is a very sensitive issue and must be dealt carefully if you intend to marry this girl. Her Mom will be in her/your life as long as she is around.

 

About Having sex: As long as you did not force her or get her drunk to have sex with you I think you should not worry about it at all. I hate when people blame drinking for their wrong action. I am not buying your drinking story. If you think you can not control yourself while drinking, you should have stayed away from it. The temptation to go all the way is always their whenever you guys touch each other.

 

How are you communication with her right now? Do you guys talk after what happened?

[gab444]

i would like to thank all you guyz that wrote something about my topic.

i kind of feel better now about the whole thing now. i just miss her from time to time we still talk she wants me to be her bestfriend which is very hard for me cos i promised to be there for her and i really dont want to go back on my words although it hurts

she got with this new guy like a week after we broke thinking it will make me mad but i told her i respested her decisions i just hope the guys treats her well and she said he takes her out every 2 days which i didn't and he respected her but all i had to offer was support and good morals cos i didn't have a job at that time but i still paid for everything when we went out.

The sad part now is that the guy said he needed a break like four weeks and she is heart broken i couldn't stand see her go thruogh the depression so i've being trying to help her through it not expecting to get back. But i hurt inside most times.

i will get better with time it's just taking for ever

[Cryssi]

I say you're doing great, but don't push yourself too much. You may just end up gathering all your frustrations and one day, without wanting it, blow up at her. Tell her sometimes how you feel towards her being so close to you right away She should understand it. Trust me. Sometimes having a little distance can strenghten friendships.

[gab444]

Guyz, i'm back again but not feeling too good with myself. i wish i had done the NC rule bcos trying to make things work ended up making me feel like a used blanket.

We've really being trying to get along but her hurt keeps coming up and i clearly understand why, she told me she needed some space which i gladly agreed to give since i didn't have the power to go thru the day without hearing from when we broke up so i was always around but i kept feeling used cos she only calls me when she has some problem and i was always willing to help but once she feels better i'm history again. for instance a week after the NC she called crying about the fight she had with her mum and i calm her down and told her to drive around or go shopping and she said she was broke hearing this i went to her apt when she was out to make her hair and i slipped some money in there for her. she thanked me and we started a routine of talking every morning again we went to the movies once and we planned going to the museum the following week but the guy she started seeing when we broke was now ready for her after his four weeks break so she called the outing off giving me some strange reason about somthing i did wrong like that wasn't bad enough we had to break into her Apt once cos she left her keys in and i told her i would get it fixed and since shez been dictating ever since we broke she wanted me to come fix it on monday and i said ok only for her to call me and asked if i could come fix it on sat cos she has an appointment on monday i went thereto fix the door only to see how excited she was chatting with the guy talking about how they kissed a day b4 and she knew i was there in the room so i fixed the door and told her i was leaving and she said ok.

i left feeling stupid she claims they are just friends but i really dont care right now and i have made up my mind not to respond to her calls anymore not trying to be mean but just trying to heal myself cos i have forgotten all about myself

[Cryssi]

Hey you. I just read what's happening to you... And I must say it's quite horrible.

 

The girl seems like she's been using you straight off from the start. You gave her what she wanted and at one point it almost looks like she dropped the act of being nice.

 

It's a good idea you had of cutting off contact, but you'll get as equally hurt as you were before. My best thing to say is to end things right now. Now she will even have more reasons to reach out, use and hurt you. You'll eat out your anger and your pain until you auto-destroy yourself. You need to tell her that she did wrong, be neutral to her problems, and remind her that she's it not the center of your world. That should always be you, and nobody else. No matter how much you love someone, or something.

 

Be strong... And you're not alone, alright?

[gab444]

Thanx cryssi i also agree with you about me feeling equally hurt it's horrible i feel like crap cos i still have feeling for her and i know i shouldn't i wish i could just go away. i can't wait to get over her i deserve better that what i'm crying for.

[Cryssi]

That's the spirit. And even more, the ones you love should never willingly make you cry. Always keep that in mind.

 

Don't be afraid to email me or add me on msn if you need someone to talk to, alright?